Kpopalypse answers: is redvelvet actully witches

Every day many people search the Internet and find themselves on Kpopalypse blog as a result. I receive daily summaries of all Internet searches that direct people to through my website’s sneaky stats-collection machine, which tells me what the Internet is really concerned about underneath the surface. While most of these results are predictable, sometimes a query comes through that is just so unique and compelling that I have to address it:

In this special Halloween-themed post, Kpopalypse answers the question – is redvelvet actully witches

It seems that some people are wondering is redvelvet actully witches – but why?

My first search for witchy redvelvet content brought me to this video.  In it, you can see redvelvet doing witchy-type activities.  But this is an unofficial video, what is this video actully for?  Why are they doing these things?  Most importantly, is redvelvet actully witches?

The music video for redvelvet’s “Peek A Boo”, where the girls are cast as serial pizza delivery boy murderers, has some of the scenes in the first video, but not others.  Importantly, it doesn’t actully have any of the scenes involving things that witches do, like fucking around with multicoloured glasses of fluid, reading old-looking books, or standing around in circles in an enigmatic way.  Well, presumably that’s what witches actully do.  Or do they?

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m as ignorant about new-age religion as the next clown on the Internet.  So to determine if redvelvet were actully witches, I needed to find out what witches actully did so I could compare these activities of witches to those of redvelvet.  Then I will know is redvelvet actully witches

From the article “secret life of modern day witches“:

So there’s no devil worship or sacrifices, which is a shame because those things would actully look cool in a redvelvet music video.  But wait, celebrating the seasons?

Here’s redvelvet celebrating summer with magic – that certainly now sounds very witchy!  But do witches actully use magic or is that just a stereotype?

From the article “9 Myths About Witchcraft That Modern-Day Witches Like Me Are Tired Of Hearing“:

Not only do witches cast spells and do magic, they don’t even need that much training!  Being a witch should therefore be easy for any SM Entertainment artist, as used to as they are with long training periods.  Witches can actully cast spells even from their bath!  Maybe Hwasnake could be a witch too?

From “Do Witches Exist? A (Very) Brief Treatise On The Existence Of Witches“:

So if you say you’re a witch, you’re a witch basically.  This means that anyone who dresses like a witch or does witch things is a witch, there’s actully no difference.  However witches do have lots of rules.  Let’s have a look at the rules referred to in this article, from this site:

Oh wait.  Point 8 in the rulebook directly contradicts the article that quoted it, saying that it takes more than just calling yourself a witch to actully be a witch.  This means that being a witch must be a true valid religion, because it’s just as contradictory as every other religion, or the policies of any k-pop agency.

From the article “10 Terrifying Facts About Witches That Will Make You Believe They Actually Exist“:

This article explains possible motivations for the Salem Witch Trials, where the popular phrase “witch hunt” comes from, and witches are still hunted today.  Have redvelvet been the victim of any witch hunts?  If so, we will know that they is actully witches

Popular k-pop forum OneHallyu says yes!

Another popular k-pop forum, the forum for The Great Satan of k-pop websites, also agrees, saying that redvelvet are not only witches, but actully cursed witches!  While witchcraft and satanism are not the same thing, there certainly is some crossover and it takes one to know one, so we can trust The Great Satan of k-pop websites on this matter (if nothing else).  Therefore we can deduce that redvelvet is actully witches

I will leave you now with these creations from digital artist dwelph, who has confirmed two actul redvelvet witch sightings

That’s all for this post!  Kpopalypse will return with more sp00ky posts soon!

6 thoughts on “Kpopalypse answers: is redvelvet actully witches

  1. Pingback: The KPOPALYPSE article index | KPOPALYPSE

  2. Oh dear god, I can’t believe that I actually logged in to comment. First time for everything. I told you they were witches 😉

    “So there’s no devil worship or sacrifices, which is a shame because those things would actully look cool in a redvelvet music video. ”
    > some witches totally devil worship and make sacrifices, so don’t give up hope! I mean I don’t but that’s me.

    Now if only you’d do that post about the CL bikini fap challenge.

  3. Years ago I read a fascinating piece about how ergot contamination in the grain (it was a moist spring that year) might have caused girls to have hallucinations, which could have fed the frenzy, and made the staid churchgoers call witchcraft.

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