It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Dreamcatcher – What
It’s always funny to watch paranoid Dreamcatcher fans worry with each new comeback that they’re going to do some weak trendy bullshit and then Dreamcatcher just come out with what they usually do each time. Mind you this one is a bit too emo-rock and not enough fist-banging mania for my liking, but I’ll still take it over most of this week’s crap.
UNI.T – I Mean
Clearly modeled after Momoland’s “Boom Boom” both visually and musically, and also makes many of the same mistakes that song does, plus a few extra ones (NC.A you’re cute but your showoffy high notes can fuck right off). Mind you it doesn’t have a stupid trap breakdown so that’s a plus.
Verivery – Super Special
What people don’t remember about 90s boy groups is that those groups all sound like ass and were considered a mockery by absolutely everybody. Sure they made money, but only by stealing it from idiots.
Amber – White Noise
I feel conflicted when I watch this – Amber is great because she has so much potential to really annoy the fuck out of the right people and it’s never utilised because she keeps winding up with songs like this one (at best). If her music ever became even half as hard as her image I feel like she could do something amazing. Until that happens, her excellent “where is my chest” video remains her finest cultural contribution as a soloist.
S.I.S – Say Yes
The only reason why Gaeul didn’t make my bias list this year is that I wasn’t sure if this group were even still a thing, because you never know with these ultra-nugus. When the first camera shot came up and there were only three members I legit panicked until the other three showed up because the futures of these Z-tier groups are so precarious that it’s like living on a knife-edge when a good one appears.
Gfriend – Memoria
I’m going to ruin this song for all of you by saying that someone needs to shoot that tambourine player in the chorus. You won’t be able to unhear it now. Slapping the damn thing once for every on-beat is contributing absolutely fucking nothing, Ian Astbury would shoot this producer.
Lucente – Your Difference
Who the fuck they are I don’t know but their song is a electro-reggae’d up “Roly Poly” progression and it rocks, even with the weird time-change into the chorus. It’s amazing how well boy groups can sound when someone gives them a melody and chords for once.
KCM – My Song
Okay, what is this. Seriously. Somebody explain this because I feel like something’s not right here.
Got7 – Lullaby
Remember how I said last week that these Got7 members should stop doing shit solo projects and do a group song again? Well yea… erm I take that back. Apologies to all if I’m actually the one responsible for this coming out.
WJSN – Save Me, Save You
Outstanding styling and fashion across the board definitely MRS but the song isn’t anything special.
No Brain – The Best Moment
Come on guys you’re supposed to be the best veteran punk band in Korea or some bullshit, you’re not supposed to be doing this millennial whoop crap. Less songs about how you’re great and more actually being great, thanks.
Giriboy ft. Goretexx – acrnm
The song makes about as much sense as its title.
Park Sanhee – Over The Blue
Some songs you just know from the very first note that they’ll just waste your time.
Wonderful Machine – Sunday Drive
These nugus with their retro Paperboy-style music video actually have a better almost-but-not-quite-tropical-shithouse song than most of the people who unwisely sink mega-budgets into this crap.
Boy Story – Enough
Most trainees that are now in the groups you love were this young when they were training, so there’s nothing really unusual about this to comment on, other than that I guess Stray Kids weren’t stray or kiddie enough for JYP.
Eyedi – Red
What is this sub-Dianna Krall fucking bullshit.
Gwon Youngchan – Weak
Accurate song title of the week.
Slowstones – Slowstones
This nugu shit took five months to even make it onto YouTube but their weirdest thing of all is, it’s actually quite good.
Heo Seongjeong – Sound
I love that spectacular bombastic strings intro with the dude looking as boring as possible. Is life really that hard?
Vanmal – Unification Road March
This one just missed out on my punk Nugu Alert episode, which is a shame. This is the kind of song girl idol groups need to do more of.
The Black Underground – Slow Life
It’s kind of slow and lifeless so I guess they got it half right.
Heize – Phantomgate
The latest attempt by the South Korean government to stop computer gaming addiction is to get Heize to promote computer games and send everyone to sleep. Heize moves a lot slower than the character she’s representing too, I think I could 1v1 her.
Life & Time – Wisdom
Good players, not much of a song. I guess that goes for pretty much all of this shit but it’s even more noticeable in these tech-wank generes.
Junik – Rooftop
Where’s a rooftop to push this off when you need one.
Roy Kim – The Hardest Part
Roy Kim is one of those artists that I can really just safely skip over the song itself and just write a snarky review without even watching as I know it’s going to be pure shit every time. However I enjoyed watching this video because the guy looks fucking miserable all the way through it and he deserves to, I hope that’s Roy himself and not an actor.
Heyday ft. Joy O’Clock – Tonight
More fucking jazz-lite crap.
Bambi ft. Dunkin’ Downer – Violin
“I gotta good, I’m gonna cool” is the nugu’s version of “if you wanna pretty, every wanna pretty“.
Owol ft. Giantpink – Not Bad
It has CGI turtles, so worth a look for that if nothing else.
Wetter – Hello Sunshine
There’s no song here which is a shame because the delivery is okay for a change.
Asol ft. OLNL – Bucket List
Don’t put this song on yours.
Hwang Jaewan – Tear Again
Do they mean “tear again” as in “cry again because this is another shit ballad like every other one ever” or “tear again” as in “tear up the songwriter’s writing pad again so he doesn’t create more shit like this” because both work.
Kyung Dasom – My Love Song
This song combines elements of tropical shithouse, R&B bullshit and slow jazz bullshit. It’s so shit that it’s actually kind of masterful.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Twice’s Jeongyeon throws a pitch at some random baseball game nobody gives a shit about
Since Asian Junkie is now plagiarising my Way’s Girls Crayon Pop fanfic by fraudulently claiming the entire concept as his own, I’m now going to plagiarise his title as the #1 site for k-pop baseball content. Asian Junkie is of course too lazy and lacking in determinations to bring you this update about some k-pop girl throwing a ball on a baseball pitch somewhere because someone in her company told her to. He’s probably too busy eating rice cakes and breaking umbrellas somewhere while thinking about Dreamcatcher’s Siyeon torturing his testicles to be bothered giving you this premier k-pop baseball content so please disregard his and all other inferior sites and come to Kpopalypse first for all your k-pop baseball needs.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!