This is an important Kpopalypse OH&S compliance announcement. It totally isn’t related to any recent high-profile Korean pop idol controversies.
Warning: this post contains GRAPHIC content.
So the other morning I woke up because my cat was hitting me in the face with her paw. This is what she does when she’s hungry, or even when she’s not hungry but just wants food anyway, or just to abuse her owner because she is a domestic violence perpetrator and I am outing her in this post.
I moved my arm in a general “fuck off cat it’s not mealtime yet” kind of way, and she decided to exit the immediate area by leaping across my head. Due to my cat being a fatass who eats too much, her hefty weight means that she didn’t achieve total “Kpopalypse head clearance”, and her claw clipped my face mid-leap. This clearly deliberate action to punish her owner for not feeding her gave me a nice scratch from the middle of my brow to the left hand side of my face, also lacerating part of my eyelid in the process. Click the below warning to see a photograph of this image. Be warned, it’s very GRAPHIC.
As you can see, these injuries are very severe. She knows that I work in the service industry (serving you blog posts) yet she scratched up my face that deeply. While I now have a sexy scar on my eyelid, I now face a dismal future in the appearance-based world of k-pop, my dreams of an EXP Edition-style k-pop debut are clearly over.
As a domestic violence victim, I naturally had to go to the local police station for them to investigate this incident. Note that any reports of the perpetrator having injuries or hardships are false. Please wait for the results of the police investigation before idly speculating.
UPDATE: as mealtime approached the perpetrator’s lawyers approached Kpopalypse seeking to negotiate a compromise.
Of course this just confirms my cat’s guilt as it’s always the party with more to lose who seeks a compromise. However she is clearly concerned about her image as a celebrity blog cat and how the allegations may affect her future career, therefore while settlement terms are yet to be decided, I shall continue to conduct negotiations in good faith and attempt to reach a solution that satisfies all parties. Please be patient and refrain from spreading ill-conceived rumours and gossip. Thank you.
UPDATE 2: police investigations have officially ended as settlement has been reached with full resolution between affected parties.
No more reports shall be released, with all parties happy to put the incident behind them. Kpopalypse wishes his cat the best with her future celebrity blog cat career, and will return with an improved image (with less scarring).