It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s check out some new releases!
Sha Sha practicing their Illuminati-style eye-covering. Relevant news: everyone who believes in the Illuminati is a moron. Do those tinfoil-hatters really expect normal people to believe that a global secret society that controls all political and corporate power plus the entertainment industry can’t shut down a few bored kids running music file sharing sites? Get the fuck outta here. But if I’m wrong, any Illuminati readers feel free to donate to my Patreon and help us out a bit, we all know you’re good for the cash, if I get to $100 per month by the end of 2018 I’ll even apologise for calling you a bunch of basement-dwelling incels.
Loona – Hi High
If you forget the whole meme aspect and just take it at face value, “stan Loona” is fucking good life advice as long as the songs remain this good. Cancel and dismiss any websites that don’t adore this.
BTS – Idol
Meanwhile Loona’s “partner in hype” BTS finally have a good song again. Which makes me think that the fuss about them writing a lot of their own material may actually be true, it’d certainly explain their consistent track record of mediocrity until this point. “Idol” is pretty limp on the melody front like everything BTS have ever done, but in this case that’s a strength because the ambience, stomping beat and lush harmony is the real star of this show, not any of the bullshit these kids are yapping about over the top of it all.
Aseul – Seoul Girl
Cruisy retro coolness that is too cool for everything.
Aseul – Fill Me Up
Her other song is a bit more modern but also doesn’t suck.
Sha Sha – What The Heck
You’d faint too if you were in a nugu k-pop group and were given a song this good.
Up10tion – So Beautiful
At first I thought it was that tropical bullshit sound again but they fooled me with the intro and it’s actually just the usual boy group thing.
Brand New Boys (MXM) – Checkmate
The song isn’t great but it’s a pretty entertaining video, I like watching these guys lift the lightest weights ever, it makes me feel like I could be a k-pop too.
Elin – Fever Time
Elin actually has some reasonable titties on the cover of this single, it’s a shame that this video is all cartoons and shit, seems like wasted potential. (Sorry everyone, just trying to find out if that person who got upset about my IU comments in the bias list post is a regular reader.)
Live High – Nature Fairy
No proper video for this that I can find but damn the song was too much cheesy fun to leave out so here, have this entertainingly inexplicable CF.
No Brain – Ssonagi
Korean Indie told me in his interview with me that No Brain is one of the only two independent acts in Korea that actually makes decent money, maybe that’s because they don’t waste it on expensive videos.
BONUS SONGS
Marcus Way ft. Leejee Violet – I Decide
The mood is nice but there’s no actual song here.
Hwang In Sun – Day Of Marriage
Marriage, like R&B, is stupid and useless.
The Signing Girls – Maybe Maybe
You might be expecting some vocalfaggotry thing with a name like that, but actually it isn’t, so even though the song is honestly pretty bad, I feel like I just dodged a bullet anyway.
Jo Hyun Ah – Confession
At 0:27 this video demonstrates exactly what you should do if you ever hear any Urban Zakapa or related comebacks – shut down your playback device immediately.
10cm – Mattress
Korean Indie‘s favourite group apart from Gfriend just released a new song and it’s not very good, but that’s a nice guitar. Did you know that the “335” in “Gibson ES-335” was a reference to the recommended retail price back when the guitar was first released? Nowadays those things retail for so much more than that that it’s comical. No wonder Gibson are going broke, nobody can afford their overpriced instruments anymore.
Ovan ft Shaun – Twenty
Meh.
The Ade – Pretty Rubbish
Accurate song title of the week.
SBGB – Take Me Out
That guy who wrote The Far Side never understood that animals doing human things can’t be the sum total of the “joke” because it’s just creepy and unfunny.
Minty – Trigger Synergy
Sounds like Die Antwoord’s Yolandi Visser with all the personality removed.
Vassline – Divine Deception
I guess it’s not any worse than any other metalcore anywhere. While the twists and turns this song goes through are welcome, some good riffs would have been better.
Ragoon – Blame
Yes this is boring.
Gaeko ft. Sole – Vacation
It’s certainly a vacation from good music.
SHIT DIA SOLO PROJECT SECTION
Huihyeon – Blue Day
Okay so it’s not the full song for some dumb reason but I wouldn’t worry, you’re not missing anything.
Yebin – Sweet Dream
In fact a few of the DIA girls released these short-ass videos of shit songs this week and I have no idea why, I’m sure even the fans probably weren’t waiting in massive anticipation for these.
Jeuen – Take Me
I guess they’re trying to wake people out of their Chaeyeon-induced comas, which is thoughtful, pity the songs are bad enough to put people right back to sleep again.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Telling 12 yr olds to stan Loona on Roblox
Fun times as a Roblox robber invades a house and demands at gunpoint that the occupants stan Loona. I have no idea how Roblox works as I’ve never played it, it seems from the video like some kind of online Sims/Minecraft hybrid for kids, or maybe it’s like Second Life without the furry dildo black market, but either way this is still funny at least to my juvenile mind. The really interesting thing about this video is that when our Loona-stanning protagonist types the words “stan Blackpink” they are censored. Roblox admins confirmed YG antis?
That’s all for this week’s Kpopalypse roundup – more roundup next week!
KPOPALYPSE 
That Sha Sha song came from nowhere. Holy shit I loved it
Geez, now I have another song on loop.
based sha sha. another nugu blowing out popular groups again
The MXM video is a lot less cool when you know how to play chess. Because obviously the directors don’t and I’m judging it so hard.
Damn and here I was excited at first to find a Korean metalcore band…but that song didn’t go anywhere and those vocals were annoying lol. The only good part was the intro riff. All the other riffs were generic metalcore chugdowns XD
glad you liked Loona’s debut track though!
No cleavage or full body shots of Huihyeon in that MV? That’s a sin. If I wanted to look at a face that is fully constructed from plastic surgery but ignore the body then I could just look at Red Velvet’s fembot, Irene,
Yes, I’m a regular reader, and I would never expect you to try to defend your disgusting treatment toward women. Calling them out for asserting that women are not walking cum dumpsters available to any man who wants them is more your style.
Thanks for confirming, much appreciated.
Actually I did address your comments directly on my most recent livestream, and some of it is also already addressed in my FAQ (which I’ve just updated to remove some out-of-date information and tidy up a few things, thank you for reminding me to do that). If there’s a generally high amount of popular demand for it, I may also address your general criticisms some more in a blog post, if I can find a way to do that which I consider entertaining. I actually enjoy discussing these issues, but not at the cost of boring everyone else to death, and certainly not in comments sections like these.
On another note I’m sorry that you’ve had such shitty experiences with men, that definitely sucks and puts you in common with many other people I know. But really that’s a very separate issue to whether you’d like to chain your favourite BTS member down to a bed and sit on his face, which is probably what I would write about if I were female, and which is what I certainly see a lot of other females writing about (and why shouldn’t they). I think conflating those two aspects is dangerous, much like conflating fantasy and reality in the k-pop world, or in JAV for that matter. I’m not interested in defending myself – trust me, I don’t give a flying shit if you hate me, and you’re certainly entitled to your opinion on the content here – but I AM interested in these issues generally speaking, and I am reading everything you’re saying as well as everything others are saying. Peace.
If I hated you, I wouldn’t be a regular reader. Thanks for the response.