It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

KARD – Ride On The Wind

Accurate song title of the week as KARD are pretty much riding on the last gusts of the dying tropical shithouse fad plus the wind from the queefs of fangirls masturbating over BM.  It would be okay if they hadn’t done this before and slightly better about six times already.  They have nowhere to go now and need to find a new sound or they might as well pack it in and move to one of those tropical islands they love so fucking much.

Minseo – Zero

This isn’t very interesting, it’s like IU’s “You And I” with all the fun stuff removed and replaced with electronic bleeping and random choirs for no reason.  Using Loona’s missile silo bunker as a set looks great but isn’t going to make your song any better.

LaBoum – Between Us

This isn’t too bad but isn’t quite the song LaBoum needed to get back to relevance.  Or maybe it is, I don’t fuckin’ know.  They have better songs though.

In2it – Sorry For My English

Actually their English is fine, they should be sorry for that chorus that is a serious let down after the really good build-up.

Elris – Focus

Bland melody cripples a song that should have been a lot better than it is.

Aseul – Sandcastles

It’s not one of Aseul’s better songs but it’s still pretty fucking good and you should stan.

Astro – Always Us

This song shouldn’t be all that good, but it is simply because the vocals step aside during the chorus and let the big sexy synths do all the work.

Airisu – Oppa

Okay so it kinda both looks and sounds like something a religious cult would produce but that synth work is genius, this is fucking moshing.

100% – Grand Bleu

I had some joke all prepared about this song grandly 100% blowing but then it turned out to be alright, thanks for fucking up my puns you assholes.

FTIsland – Summer Night’s Dream

It rocks (just) enough and it’s not too bad but I miss their almost-metal direction from a year or two ago.  We need to make guitar cool again before all the guitar stores close.

RPR ft. Beenie Man – Dang Diggi Bang

This is Skull & Haha trying to evade the law after my post about Skull miraculously not being in jail by changing their name.  How much do you reckon that girl with the big tits was paid to pretend that she’s into this.

BONUS SONGS

Carla – Hate U

Very boring.

Chic Angel & Cupid – Sea

Eh.

John Park – Understand

Understand that this song is fairly nothingy.

TaPi – Croquette

This is awful.  If Nigella Lawson isn’t doing it I don’t want to know.

Giriboy – Old Clothes Collection Box

Yeah nah.

Ben & Kim Woo Joo – The First Night

Ugh.

Yeesang – Game

Aggressively monotone and boring.

Rain – Sung Yubin

This doesn’t look like the Rain I remember.  I guess he really wasn’t Asia’s biggest star or whatever JYP’s hype-line was back in the day if every nugu is just using his name now.

Ayeon – You & I

What’s more boring than tropical shithouse?  Tropical shithouse at half speed.  I’d rather see her do more covers of songs on Metallica’s crap “Black Album” than this.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEO OF THE WEEK

EXO helping and protecting female idols

It’s easy to say that EXO are such nice boys but behaviour like this is closer in spirit to those corporate executives who have the “meter rule” or whatever where they keep a regulated distance away from women because they don’t want to get accused of sexual harassment in the workplace and tank their careers.  Rather than being chivalrous, EXO are just being pragmatic and professional.  They are no doubt acutely aware that they are being scrutinised every second of their lives in public and that the consequences for one wrong hand-placement are huge, and that may seem like paranoia but in k-pop such false accusations by rabid fangirls are not without precedent and take an entire forensics investigation to debunk.  You’d err on the side of caution if you were in their shoes, too.

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That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup – more next week!