It seems that Jimin from BTS has gotten himself into a bit of hot water lately.  How can we best protect our precious Jimin?  This post has the answers!

It seems that many people are concerned about making sure that when people search Jimin, they only see nice things.

I wondered what this was all about.  Gosh, what is this weirdness – what could be going on?

What… Jimin racist?  No, it can’t be!  What are people saying?

Apparently Jimin said “nigger” once for some reason.  Does this mean that Jimin is racist or is he just a naughty boy?  Does he attend Klan rallies or just hang around with too many problematic faggot bitches?  Who knows for sure, but what is very clear is that it’s important to stan Jimin and keep Jimin searches pure and fan-friendly.  After all where would my yearly Objectification Surveys be without him, I kind of rely on him these days to bring the BTS-fapping filthy slatterns to my site.  This is why people have been copy-pasting only nice things about Jimin on Twitter, so the nasty inconvenient race stuff doesn’t trend too high or come up in searches too much compared to the other stuff that people care about more, like Jimin waving his ass-meat in their faces.  Makes sense, right?  Of course it does!

However I wonder about the choice of terms.  While I of course approve of the overall intent, I wonder if these are truly the most effective keywords.

The problem with these search terms is that while they’re nice to get trending and all that, nobody is actually going to be searching them.  I think to really “clear the slate” so Jimin can attend his Blood & Honour meetings without too much scrutiny, we need to trend Jimin with search terms that have more of a compelling “hook” to them, and that can realistically take off and have a life of their own.  Kpopalypse suggests the following variations for your Jimin search-clearing lists:

JIMIN IS SEXIST

Diverting the attention away from Jimin’s racism and towards his sexism may help distract casual searchers from all that nasty racism stuff.  What sexism?  Oh, nothing much.  Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s not going to blow up into a big thing, oppressing women is fine.

JIMIN IS HOMOPHOBIC

It’s probably true because this video says so somewhere, or maybe it doesn’t, I didn’t watch it all, I threw up and turned it off as soon as Little Mix came on.  Hating on gays is never any real issue in k-pop anyway because the whole of Korea pretty much hates the two gay people who live there and haven’t been nearly bullied to death yet, so if Jimin can find himself an anti-gay controversy, that should also distract people sufficiently and cause not much alarm.  Wait, he’s already been in one?  Wow, talk about ahead of the curve, but then what else would we expect from BTS!

JIMIN IS GAY

With some things you get to have your cake and eat it too.  Anyone who isn’t searching for Jimin being anti-gay is probably searching for him being pro-gay so if you can make that trend the gays and anti-gays can have a big fight over who wants to wank over Jimin’s ass more and all his Hitler memorabilia collecting will be forgotten.  That’s what we want.

JIMIN IS RACIST BUT IT’S OKAY BECAUSE AEGYO

Remember that according to BTS fans racist words are okay as long as they are said by cute people and they say it in a cute way.  Instead of “nigger”, consider the relative cuteness of “niglet”, “coonie”, “darkie-dol” or “jigga-boo-boo”.  Context is important and for BTS fans “깜둥이” is kind of like saying “you’re my little dark chocolate pudding of love” (Wiz Khalifa take note).  Also if Jimin is smiling when he says rude words that makes them cuter, and you can’t be cute AND racist.

JIMIN IS IN AOA

Don’t forget that there’s more than one celebrity Jimin in town.  Wouldn’t it be great if when people searched up Jimin’s racism, something about Jimin from AOA saying naughty things appeared instead?

JIMIN IS IN 15& (AND NEEDS COMEBACKS)

Speaking of multiple Jimins running around, if any Jimin in k-pop wins the oppression olympics it’s definitely Park Jimin from 15&, who isn’t even allowed to make songs anymore and is in danger of dropping off the Kpopalypse bias list completely just because I never see her do any stuff.  Also just like Jimin himself in the header image (hopefully that IS him lol) I get sick of searching for her image so I can rub one out only to find endless images of BTS’s Jimin instead so help me out here and trend 15&’s Jimin higher thank you.

JIMIN ASS

In fact my website stats show that many of you already search for this quite a bit.  Keep it up!

JIMIN IS AUTISTIC

At 1:30 Jimin proves that he can count to at least five, this is one more than most musicians and puts him on the same intellectual level as Annie from League Of Legends.  That’s got to be worth some kind of diversion value.

JIMIN IS BEING BULLIED BY BTS

Look at this video, watch V punch him with that punch-thing.  Just share this and it’ll go viral and everyone will then forgive poor Jimin because out-of-context video footage always tells the truth… oh wait, BTS are a male group, there are no women to hate on?  Hmmm okay maybe this one won’t work so well.  Moving right along.

JIMIN HAS MEDIOCRE SONGS

Really, BTS haven’t had a really good song since “War Of Hormone” back in 1963, so maybe if we divert people’s attention to this, they can stop thinking about Jimin’s collection of golliwog dolls and start pressuring Big Hit to give them some decent music to gyrate and lipsync in time to.  But then maybe it doesn’t matter because…

JIMIN IS NOT K-POP

Always remember that BTS are not k-pop.  If you can trend this, perhaps all the k-pop fans will stop caring and the heat will die down and they’ll be discovered by a more mature audience who are totally okay with racism, like Pantera fans.

COPY AND PASTE THESE TO CLEAR JIMIN SEARCHES

Jimin is sexist
Jimin is homophobic
Jimin is gay
Jimin is racist but it’s okay because aegyo
Jimin is in AOA
Jimin is in 15& (and needs comebacks)
Jimin ass
Jimin is autistic
Jimin is being bullied by BTS
Jimin has mediocre songs
Jimin is not k-pop

Copy and paste to clear his search.  Pass it on!