It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out this week’s new releases!
Apink – I’m So Sick
It’s isn’t quite the radical change in musical direction that it’s been hyped as, if they went for the usual white dresses and flower shit in the video nobody would have batted an eyelid. However it’s still their best song in a while, maybe ever.
Holland – I’m Not Afraid
Holland might be gay but despite some slightly under-par production, the song isn’t anywhere near as gay as he is.
Baba – Oh! My God
Poorly produced tracks aren’t just for gays though, this girl group’s producer needed a bit more studio time, but the result isn’t too terrible anyway given what little they were obviously working with.
Flashe – Baby Lotion
I don’t even want to think about who this song is aimed at or what it’s trying to say. Just enjoy the song, the dances and the girls smiling – right, Reddit?
Golden Child – Let Me
This group are putting out some okay songs. I wonder if anyone is really noticing, because I sure don’t ever hear about this group a lot except when I find their songs for the roundups.
Jessi – Down
The usual boring squirting and tooting. I’m talking about the music of course.
Oohyo – Papercut
Not as iconic as “Pizza” but not wildly different either. Oohyo are one of those groups who do the same shit all the time, and that’s usually pretty good shit, so I can deal.
Teen Top – Lover
You’re never too old to toot-toot. Just like Apink, Kyungri, etc this week, the tooting is just the icing and the actual song is carried by something else.
Target – Is It True
This isn’t really anything special. Step it up, nugus.
Kyungri – Blue Moon
Speaking of which, Kyungri always performs pretty well in the Objectification Survey despite being someone with the blood of the nugu eternally present in her veins, so it’s safe to say that nobody is really listening to this or reading this text, and I can write anything I want here. I’m really enjoying the latest Yua Mikami videos because she’s discovering classy-sexiness now.
Yoonmirae ft. Junoflo – You & Me
Another R&B waste of time, imagine actually being a decent rapper but preferring to do this garbage instead with 90% of your life.
Jay Park ft. Gash & Rich The Kid – FSU
“I do R&B and they want me to rap” – correct. Don’t get us wrong, it’s not because you’re the greatest rapper alive or anything, your R&B is just really bad so this is a nice change.
Jvcki Wai – Enchanted Propaganda
This sort of Autotune-drenched yolo crap isn’t any less annoying when the ladies do it. Never mind the song though, how many great outfits are in this video. Jvcki Wai’s dress sense is seriously meeting required standards.
Park Boram – How About You
The One True Boram would never be this boring.
SHINee – Our Page
If Jonghyun knew that his group were going to release crap like this after he was gone, he might’ve found the motivation to stick around long enough to stop it.
100% – Summer Breeze
Fuck releasing slow-as-dogshit ballads and mid-tempo millenial whoop “we can overcome” nonsense, do it like 100% do here and just put out the next track you were going to put out anyway like nothing happened.
Kolavo – Salaryman
See, you don’t need dreads and marijuana – you can make reggae in your office! Skull, think of all the jail time you don’t have to be risking!
Blackmusic – Color
This song is as confused as the band’s title.
Melomance – Tale
You can tell that some groups are going to suck just from their name. I think we need a bit less “melo” in Korea thanks.
Yang Da Il & Wendy – One Summer
Jvcki Wai, Kid Milli, NO:EL, Young B, Swings – Work Out
Jvcki Wai even looks good in tennis gear. Clearly bias list material.
Silverbell – The Hare & The Tortoise
This song is all tortoise and no hare.
Kim Chan Ho – It Was Bom
It’s not every day that an airport customs official debuts in k-pop but here we are.
Jo Gon – Old Notes
They sure sound old.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Fitness with sexy actress Clara (part 2 of 5)
Just a heads up that Clara Lee has put a bunch more videos on her channel lately, including this five-part series. I picked this section because there’s a fair bit of English in it, so enjoy the Korean-style cringe overacted comedy that treats you like a fucking moron, and get fit with these stretching exercises.
That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup for another week! Kpopalypse will return!