It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!

Momoland – BAAM

Momoland have a second crack at the “Bboom Bboom” formula and why not I suppose.  It makes more sense to try something safe now that they have momentum going, they can do something different later if this doesn’t work for them.  However this one is just a little too similar to really even have a point, why wouldn’t you just listen to “Bboom Bboom” one more time instead.  At least JooE in rococo looks great and is going to be my k-pop fap go-to for the next month.

Taeyeon – Stay

Not much of a song, but gosh what a great video.  It’s fascinating watching Taeyeon sing and twirl in a landscape that has been stripped of all natural resources to support her solo career.

Lovelyz – Wag-Zak

Lovelyz do a reasonable job of integrating tropical shithouse into their core sound, but the opportunity cost of this song hurts.

Elris – Summer Dream

It’s a fine line between catchy and nauseating with some of these Apink/Gfriend retreads.

UNB – Black Heart

It’s good to see more moody upbeat songs emerging these days, but I’ve got to feel sorry for these kids, practicing that backflip over and over again and probably fucking it up for the first 200 times before getting it right, screaming “I just wanted to be an idol singer, I didn’t know I was signing up for this K-Tigers shit”.

NeonPunch – Moonlight

It’s not too bad but while I had this on I actually completely forgot I was listening to it and the track ended, so it’s not exactly engagement central.

Choi Sam – Taboo

That weird girl in your university course who sits in the corner alone every day and only ever wears plain black t-shirts or shirts with logos made out of twigs on them just made a rap song and it’s better than all your oppars.

Nu’est W – Deja Vu

With all that tropical bullshit in the mix this is an accurate a song title as any, but when the song strips down to just drums and bass it becomes much better.

DAY6 – Shoot Me

Oh shit, DAY6 actually have a good song for a change.  What was the fucking problem the last 12 times or so?

MelodyDay – Restless

A cool walking bassline in the chorus almost saves this boring R&B from being itself.

UZA – Focus

There’s no full length official video for this yet, so here, have this live version.  Also don’t forget to buy her album or I’ll reach through your computer and bitch-slap you.

BONUS SONGS

Nada & Mina Myoung – Dozin

Nada is all about terrible songs saved by great production, but this goes soft when it should be going hard and doesn’t have the ball-busting weirdness of “Trippin” to get it over the line.

Yeseo – Bitches Rule

Yeseo’s video looks like something you’d test your graphics card with.

Justin Park ft. Amber – XL UBER

Look at these two “really getting into” this R&B crap as much as they do.  Imagine being really passionate about the most boring form of music in the world.

Tiffany Young – Over My Skin

Boring one-note blues crap.  Also why is she in a plastic body bag, is she trying to look as dead as her chances of mainstream western pop success.

DJ Soda & Walshy Fire – Never Let You In

There is literally nothing to club DJing.  Most DJs spend 80% of their time pretending that they’re doing something.

ADOY – Wonder

I think they saw my positive review of Yves’ “New” and decided that setting their music video in a bowling alley was all that would be needed to get a good write-up on here.

Park Sang Don – The Place In My Heart

Just wait until the vocals hit you.  The reason why you never hear a voice like this in pop music is because pop music is designed for girls to sing along to, and no girl can sing along to this, nor can anyone sane for that matter.

MRSHLL – Pose

This song is gay, which is great.  Unfortunately, it’s also gay.

It’s – Sleep

It’s sleep, alright.

Bok Go Band – Windy Day

When you can’t afford fees to hire professional models for your video drama concept you gotta improvise I guess.

GBD – Eggslut

Sadly very lacking in both slut and egg.

Boiltello ft. Bintage – Alarm

Not a great song but it’s over 56 BPM let’s have a fucking party.

Minusone – Heaven At Door

Not horrible but just a bit too goddamn lifeless.

Hanhae ft Dope Doug – Clip Clop

Nope.

Lil Cherry ft. Jito Mo – Motorola

This is pretty painful yolo crap.  It takes more than a bit of pixelation to appeal to nerdy k-pop fans, try writing a song next time.

Today’s Hot Song – Manymani

There’s a certain genius in calling your shitty acoustic group “Today’s Hot Song”, it’s right up there with “Free Beer” and “Live Strippers” in terms of band names designed to catch punters unawares who might be expecting some fringe benefits at your gig like a good time or a song that doesn’t suck as much as this one.

Marychou – Hawaii

Well at least it looks sunny, unlike the below.

CAN WE SHUT UP ABOUT THE NONEXISTENT FUCKING RAIN ALREADY BONUS SECTION

Yuju ft. Suran – Love Rain

A R&B song so boring and throwaway that the girls couldn’t even be fucked showing up for the video shoot.  That’s why you’re getting this live version instead, the actual MV is even worse.  And why is it about rain.

Ki Young Park – Rain Rain Rain

Isn’t it supposed to be summer right now for all you privileged northern hemispherians?  What’s with all the boring fucking songs about rain this week?

Night Off – Today’s Weather Was A Failure

Come and live in Adelaide in July where it’s wind trashing buildings and storms every day.  Or are your summers in Korea really this miserable.  Your whining about the weather is what’s a fucking failure, dickhead.

d.ear – Rain Is Fallin’

Come back Sistar with your shithouse “summer songs” every July, all is forgiven.

Migyo – Rain Sound

Maybe they should have just left it at the rain sound and got rid of all the music.

Kyung Dasom – It’s Rainig

It’s 2018 and even the rain is racist.

Mamamoo – Rainy Season

“What, rain is racist?  Oh shit, we’d better release a song about rain – quickly!”

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Let’s make the beat from Twice “Likey“

This would actually take a lot longer than shown, it’s been pretty obviously edited down from a much longer session.  Also remember the person doing it in this case already knows exactly what result they want.  In the case of an actual k-pop producer you have to add to this the time it takes to come up with the ideas in the first place and experiment to make them work, that’s the really big challenge of pop music making.

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That’s all for this post – Kpopalypse will return with more posts!