It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!
NTB – Dramatic
Starts horribly but by the time the chorus has arrived it’s transformed into something not too bad. Oh my god did you see what I did there.
AOA – Bingle Bangle
Let’s not blame Choa’s absence for this being mostly absolute fucking asspaper – there was no saving this jumbled nonsense no matter who was going to be in it.
Pristin V – Get It
Pledis continue to give their new girl group songs that aren’t even half as good as After School’s material back in the day. This starts promising with a nice moody feel but an awful chorus that may as well not even exist hobbles everything.
Bolbbalgan4 – Wind
Given that it sounds about as interesting as a fart, I guess this is our accurate song title of the week.
WJMK – Strong
If I knew Seola was going to be in this crap when I saw her at KCON I would have coughed in her direction in the hope that she’d be able to call in a sick day instead of being roped into the studio for this.
SHINee – Good Evening
If I absolutely shat on this song, people would call me out for being heartless, but then if I told you it was any good, people would call me out for being a liar. Sometimes you can’t win.
Soyeah – Cotton Candy
It’s hard not to like this, just because this girl (who apparently is from nugu group Hexe) is cute and has got a serious double chin that is way in excess of allowable k-pop limits. You can tell she’s nugu as fuck because any dirty mid-tier or higher agency would have rushed her to the plastic surgeon faster than you could say
EXID – How Why
Very good questions.
South Club – Outcast
At least he remembered to bring his band into the video this time.
Loona yyxy ft. Grimes – Love4eva
All that typically Loona-esque esoteric hype and then E-Tribe just end up retreading “Gee” and changing up the melody a bit, ho-hum. I guess they’re just out of ideas. It’s certainly far from bad (and definitely better than I.O.I’s attempt at the same territory, even with that gleefully autistic intro) but what a lost opportunity to do something a bit more distinctive.
Leo, Sejeong – We, The Reds
I’m not sure if this is an ode to Marxism, or something even more shit, like sport, but it sucks maybe even more than both of those things.
Crucial Star – Night Alone
Another acoustic ballad just like every other acoustic ballad ever.
Risabae ft. Kisum – E.N.C
Rapping k-pop furries. We’ve reached a cultural nadir, folks.
Jang Heewon – Letter
Cassette tapes in music videos make me puke. Crayon Pop had the right idea, wear them as jewelry. Cassette tapes were one of humanity’s greatest mistakes. You need to have grown up with them and spent 5 years of your life rewinding the fucking things with a pencil in class when you were bored, only for them to chew up in your walkman on the way home to really understand.
Oh fuck off
Fuck this shit.
Punch – End Of The Night
I guess that song with that EXO dude was a one-off.
Pudditorium – Paradise
Funk music was a mistake.
Echo Dyllis – Stay
I like how this girl walks around with a constantly arched back like she’s trying to stab someone in the eye with her tit. Posture 10/10.
Jane Jang – Seoul Noir
There was a time in the early 90s where literally every second music video was shot in black and white for no apparent reason. It wasn’t a money thing, big-name groups were doing this. Sorry but that’s the only thought that came into my head when watching this.
Animal Divers – Liveaboard
Did you know that in many aboriginal cultures, women aren’t allowed to play the didgeridoo in public? I wonder how people feel about these Asian guys doing it. Oh wait, it doesn’t matter because the planet is now a mature non-discriminatory multicultural society where cross-cultural exchanges of all types of music, language, fashion and culture are celebrated and encouraged for everybody, thank motherfucking fuck for that hey.
V.E.I.L – Radio Star
Hey it’s a song about me! Or maybe not. It’s alright anyway.
S.min – Let You Go
I’d rather be let go off a fucking cliff than listen to this.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Pocket Girls Habin – Oppa is Trash from 3 Different Directions
That’s all for this post! Kpopalypse roundup shall return next week!