It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Moonbyul ft. Seulgi – Selfish
The slight bossanova feel and rap isn’t bad to start with but there’s so much bullshit ruining it all. Singsongy R&B bullshit, trap bullshit and general smooth bullshit all conspire to wreck all the potential this had.
TST (TopSecret) – Love Story
Cool keyboard riffs and not too much vocals carry TST to success. The only male k-pop song I’ve heard in recent memory with a successful recreation of the late 1980s British SAW synth-pop sound, this is the sort of tune Orange Caramel would have been given six years ago.
Victon – Time Of Sorrow
We all have our times of sorrow. Mine is when I hear a reasonably good song ruined by that fucking idiotic intermittent echoey tropical shithouse squirt noise that sounds like someone shoving a cucumber up Smurfette’s ass while she explores the great smurf cave.
The East Light – Love Flutters
A group that has always been boring do something that is only just slightly corny, weak and stupid instead of the usual complete and utter shit and it feels like the heavens have blessed us, but let’s all remember that there is actual good music out there by other groups and not get too excited.
Han Yo Han ft. Kid Milli, NO:EL – Helicopter
A cool groove but not much else to go on with once the initial 15 seconds of “oh my it has heavy guitar in it” has worn off.
Bolbbalgan4 – Travel
Bolbalalphabet4 have modernised their sound a bit, Akdong Musician style, which is pretty impressive given how incredibly one-note they were before.
Tymee – I Gotta Mic
The type of rap song Tymee should have been doing once a week for the last five years non-stop. More of this and less pussy rap ballad shit thanks.
Night Tempo ft. Shuuu – Love Game
Shuuu was Sally in Unicorn, according to the caonima who alerted me to this one. Cheers! It’s good to know that there can be life after girl group nugudom, even if it’s just to guest on some crappy dance track she probably got paid for in Snickers bars.
24k – Bonnie N Clyde
If the chorus was anything other than a siren and a bunch of yelling we could have had something really good here. The break near the end at 2:39 is actually excellent, maybe that should have been the chorus instead.
Jackson Wang – Fendiman
Well at least it’s only twotwotwotwominutesminutes.
Boyfriend – Sunshower
I forgot this group existed. I wish I could also forget this song existed.
Davii ft. Heize – Only Me
Cruisy bullshit that is easily ignored.
Moonbyul – In My Room
The other song from Moonbyul this week is completely forgettable, it’s pretty obvious that nobody working for Mamamoo has any idea of where the girls’ strengths lie or how best to utilise them.
Jisook – Edelweiss
Jesus H Christ how much makeup and lighting did they have to shove on Jisook to make her look as un-Jisook-like as possible for this video. I can hear Asian Junkie fapping from here.
Cross Gene – Believe Me
Wow Cross Gene are really hammering the tropical shithouse lately like it’s no joke. I think this is their label going all-in on a last ditch attempt to get them some fame.
Bolbbalgan4 – Starlight
A pretty crappy song that isn’t even as good as the usual crappy songs that Bol4 usually do.
Bang Yongguk – Drunkenness
I don’t drink, but listening to this song really makes me want to start.
Jay Park ft. 2Chainz – Soju
Only god can judge Jay Park’s shitty life decisions, and I’m not talking about who turns up to some gig in the States that nobody cares about, I’m talking about doing a shit song with 2Chainz, who has never released anything good ever and clearly isn’t going to start now.
Khan – I’m Your Girl
Warbling R&B crap, two of these folks are from The Ark and it figures.
Junoflo – Real Ones
“I’m not really here to make no friends”, this guy sings. Just as well, hey.
GB9 – We’d
Yel ft. Horim – Lucid Dream
More mehness from meh town.
The Night Of Seokyo ft. Dawon – Falling In Moonlight
Sometimes a song sounds nice, but doesn’t have any actual music in it worth a damn. I’m not sure if that’s a hard concept to explain or not. Either way, don’t listen to this.
Ubermensch – Last Trip
I’m pretty sure that if Netizsche’s “ubermensch” is really a thing they wouldn’t be hanging out in some nugu group doing shitty slow rock and boring all the other races to death.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
1NB Shinhye – Khia – “My Neck My Back” dance cover
You might think that this is pretty explicit and sexy (or maybe not) but it’s just another day at the office for 1NB. Never mind the one dancing, the real stars of this video are the other three girls who wait for their turn while playing with their phones, not giving the slightest of fucks. Thanks to the person who sent this in!
That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup for another week, roundup shall return!