Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 7/5/2018

It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

Did you know that in every “line-up” stage photo of Gfriend the girls are always in the exact same order from left to right?

Gfriend – Time For The Moon Night

I got a million questions about Eunha and no questions at all about if I liked the song, so I will now tell you readers exactly what you want to know, no more or less.  Eunha still looks better with short hair, but she MRS with long hair too.  No it probably won’t affect my bias list.  Gosh it feels good to give my readers exactly what they want, I’m sure there will be no questions.

(G)I-dle – Latata

CLC are finally getting good music after many years of being fed total garbage so Cube are like “nope nope nope we need a girl group with shit music again, let’s start a new one”.  This song from Cube’s latest shot at being relevant is basically Blackpink’s “Playing With Fire” if you stripped about 80% of the melody and production smarts out of it.

Halo – OMG

The song’s passable but nothing mindblowing, the usual sub-Michael Jackson b-grade meandering that most of these boy groups end up doing once they’ve finished with their “let’s milk whatever the latest trend is” thing, but look at how tall that one guy is, holy fuck.  Why is nobody talking about this.  I guess they put those skyscrapers in the background to make him look like he fit in.

IZ – Angel

There’s not enough rock in this rock for it to really rock.

Yooa – Wake-Up Call

It’s tough times for new releases when I have to resort to featuring songs that don’t even have proper videos.  Anyway this sounds a lot better on the actual single than it does here.

Kyungri & It’s – What Are You Doing Tonight

I guess next to Kyungri most other girls are really just an “it”, aren’t they.

Maydoni – Balloon

I appreciate the effort to be a bit dramatic instead of just the usual piano ballad or coffee shop R&B fucking crap, but the insistent vocals are annoying and the song would benefit from a bit less singing overall.  Or maybe it’s just Maydoni making a face like a JAV star on public transport all the way through that’s bothering me.

Cross Gene – Dystopia

Here, have a crappy “short version” because Japan sucks.  Mind you it’s just some horrible millennial whoop ballad so maybe the Japanese are alright after all and just doing us a favour.

Rui – I Don’t Care

They’re going for a latter-day-sweg Hyuna song here but without any of the right equipment.  I could write a whole thesis on what’s wrong with this song, and probably will do exactly this at the end of the year when this inevitably winds up in my worst songs of 2018 list because it really is that bad.

BONUS SONGS

Rogue Rouge – Get Over It

Musically this is nothing much, the lyrics are the star of the show here with Amber quite obviously dishing on SM.  Now there’s someone with some shit to say.  Wouldn’t it be great if Amber did Kpopalypse Interview.

Raphorn – Anti-Love

The guy is called “Raphorn” and the song is called “anti love” and the video starts off with someone shooting a gun.  Guess the music style?  Wrong, it’s a shitty ballad, sorry.

Jung Yup – Nothing Left

And this song sounds exactly the same as the other one but with less false advertising.

Gaho – Stay Here

It really is the week of the shit piano ballads.  Wait… that’s every week.  Never mind.

7th Street – I Can’t Be Honest

Even the “indie” groups are doing this bullshit.  Sucking isn’t just for major labels, folks!

Kim Soo Yeon – La La La

Okay all you vocalfaggots offended when I suggest that vocal technique doesn’t matter in k-pop (which it doesn’t), this song here is one that I give you permission to fag about.

Crush – Bittersweet

The word “Bittersweet” always denotes a shit song, because if something is one thing yet also its total opposite then effectively it has no meaning because the two properties cancel each other out.  Science, cunts.

Penomeco – Good Morning

Being able to rap a bit is worth nothing if the beat is like 3 BPM.

ABTB – Free Rider

A nice big rock sound but not much of a song to go with it.

Tarin with Peter Han – Don’t Worry Be Happy

The usual coffee shop jazz-chord crap.  WHY ARE YOU SMILING, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Berry Good but it’s Snoop Dogg & Dr Dre

So remember last week when I said that Berry Good Heart Heart’s new song sounded like 90’s p-funk rap track and it was just waiting for Snoop Dogg to come in and blow smoke all over it?  Well one of my caonimas actually made that happen with a mash-up, and yes while I think all mash-ups are musically worthless, they are still sometimes useful for educational purposes, such as here to demonstrate ideas such as similarity between music concepts.  There’s a few rough spots with the edits here and it’s not quite in sync rhythmically yet it still bangs anyway, which just proves my point.  Take a bow, Wang Liqin!


That’s all for this week – roundup will return next week with more new songs!

(oh and I have no idea if the thing about Gfriend is actually true but I probably made some of you search up images of them to try and prove me wrong and that’s what’s important)

16 thoughts on “Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 7/5/2018

  1. I was at Red Velvet’s fanmeet last week and I myself noticed how the members were in the same order left to right. Heck, even the poster (excluding Joy who couldn’t come) has Yeri next to Irene next to Seulgi next to Wendy. That really made me think for some reason.

  2. omg just tell me what you think of the Gfriend song already!!! I asked you in LoL and you said you were not sure yet hahahahah, who cares about eunha smh.

  3. Bish, I wait for your weekly roundup just because most music review sites give lukewarm response about Gfriend and I want to know your opinion about their song so I can feel calm to know that my oppar has spoken. Now you just bertrayed me like YG with Mix9 winners.

  4. Straight off, to answer your first question: Yes, I’ve known Gfriend lines up exactly the same way (most of the time) – I call it the Standard Order, and I’ve known it since MGT. Can recite it in my sleep: Sowon Eunha Yerin SinB Umji Yuju. I can even show you an ancient video where they’re still playing with the order, and finally get it right for the first time! (Yes, I’m a hardcore fan.) 🙂 And it’s just like you to withhold your opinion of the song… Ha! And yes, if Amber decided to kill her Korean career and do a kpopalypse interview, I’d click on it in a heartbeat.

    • So… when will you tell us your opinion of Time of the Moon Night, oh great sensei? Your next post? Your next Roundup?
      Notes: Standard Order is named after the Standard Model of subatomic particles.
      Anyone interested in seeing an ancient pre-debut video of Gfriend working out their Standing Order?
      “kill her Korean career” alliteration. Now I know how kpopalypse feels, no idea if anyone appreciates my hard work writing this stuff.

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