You know it’s that time again – Kpopalypse roundup time!  Let’s check out some new releases!

Snuper – Tulips

It’s been a while since Snuper were really on form so this song being pretty average is no surprise to me.

Twice – Wake Me Up

Twice continue to be really uninteresting in Japan.

Lovelyz – That Day

I dunno if they have another “Ah-Choo” in them, but a slightly off-form Lovelyz is still good enough.

Berry Good Heart Heart – Crazy, Gone Crazy

Never mind the signing, listen to everything else that’s happening here.  How does a k-pop group have a better p-funk backing track than 90% of 1990s hip-hop.  I keep expecting Snoop Dogg to stroll into that white lace bedroom with a 40 and a lit joint and bust out a rap.

Jay Park & Gray – El Tornado

It doesn’t happen often but sometimes Jay Park releases something with an actual beat.

Luna & Yang Da Il – Night Reminiscin’

I bet your parents love it when they hear music like this coming from your bedroom, you boring cunt.

Apink – Miracle

Apink had better do something else besides this for 2018, I don’t think I can make a white-coater comic out of this.

Highteen – Timing

Red Velvet and Twice on a budget just sounds and looks painful, the video director tries to do all those surrealist video moves but they don’t quite have the execution down.  Check the rabbit in the cup move at 1:32.

NCT 2018- Black On Black

OH SHIT THEY’RE ACTUALLY DOING THE CHICKEN DANCE

Hyolyn ft. Gray – Dally

I don’t miss Sistar at all.

BONUS SONGS

EXO-CBX – Horololo

Some decent brass riffs make this silly song not a complete failure, but there’s just not enough of them.

Brother Su ft. Gaeko – What’s Wrong With U

Look at them beat each other up at 0:55, domestic-violence-dols.

Melomance – Just Friends

You know exactly what this is just from the group name.

Kim Bumsoo – I Love You

And this is much the same.  Every week, this bullshit from Korea.

Hwang In Sun – Dead Clock

At least this ballad goes to 11 even if it sucks.

Zai.ro – When Are You Coming

I think this tropical shit house made me lose my boner, sorry.

Whatever this is

This nearly wound up in my latest Nugu Alert but then I realised that it was kind of dull and I didn’t have anything to say about it.

JBJ – Just Be Stars

One of those horrible ballads with the awful “reflective” video where they show how they all got along so well when in reality as soon as the cameras were off they were probably all punching each other in the dorms and making secret deals behind each other’s backs to get the most CF work.  To be a k-pop fan is to be constantly insulted.

IZ – Granulate

You’re in school and falling asleep?  Look around you, dude.

Kyung Dasom – Fall In Love

That shirt says “the new century” but if it’s going to sound anything like this give me the old one back.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

3 Minutes Trying To Hate Eunha Gfriend

Eunha is such a hot bitch and you can tell that she really hates life.  Look at her churn out all that aegyo on cue, and talk about losing a “bucket of blood” from her piercing like it’s nothing – that’s because to her it is.  Any girl who gets her shit pierced right there has a massive physical pain threshold, and to get where she is today she probably has a mental pain threshold to match.  She’s even asked about her happiest moment and she takes 30 seconds to even answer the fucking question and only then can come up with something completely trivial because what is happiness when you’re in k-pop hell.  I bet Gfriend have the most crazy nail-scratching, hair-pulling behind-the-scenes dorm fights imaginable.  They didn’t have to dive too far into their method-acting skills to pretend to fight each other in “Fingertip” I’ll bet.  Why can’t we have a leak of that, come on Korean trash media outlets, get to work.

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That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup will return next week!