It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out this week’s new releases!
JBJ – Call Your Name
This song is interesting because in the chorus they’re using that tropical toot-toot bullshit sound to do an actual harmony, which is something kind of different and cool and makes this song way better than it has any right to be.
Hyoyeon ft. Ummet Ozcan – Sober
I’m not sure what’s more shocking, this song actually being really good despite the toot-toots, or underboob making its way to SM Station. (Not Hyoyeon’s, don’t get too excited there.)
Imfact – The Light
That dude with the long hair has more hats than Kpopalypse. That’s worth points of some description.
Wheein ft. Sik-K – Easy
Problematic Mamamoo once again. This is cultural appropriation of other cultures with shit music.
In2it – Snapshot
What are quarter-tones doing in my k-pop. Anyway whatever, this actually works and sounds cool so fuck it. Hey Charles Ives you were good for something after all!
Vixx – Scientist
It’s the week of oddly above-average boy group comebacks.
Yoonmirae – KwaiBawiBo
I’m not sure if Ladysmith Black Mambazo textures fused with rap music really works all that well but I guess I’ll take it, it’s not like she’s done anything else this good solo in the last few years. Clearly she’s got the same type of contract as groupmate Drunken Tiger, who both decided to finally go hard for once and I’m sure will both be back to boring R&B shit next week.
H.U.B – When A Blossom Day Of Cherry Blossom
When a shit song of fucking shit.
Minseo – Growing Up
Hey is that AOA’s Jimin? Most k-pop stars are shaving their jaws off, not adding extra jaw, damn.
Chung Ha – How About You
Ha:tfelt – Pluhmm
Ha:tfelt tries to be Gain but she forgot the most important element of any Gain comeback which is the classy-sexiness.
Lee Hongki and Hweseung – Still Love You
Everyone think I’m being all “mean” and stuff in these roundups but what I’m really trying to do is squeeze some tiny amount of entertainment value out of some of the most non-entertaining music products known to mankind. I’m thinking of you first, readers.
Solar – Where The Wind Rises
Is she singing about her dress rising up and flashing her underwear Marilyn Monroe style or is she singing about the stinky farts that Mamamoo do in their dorms.
Nano – Punishment
Any track with the producer’s name in the YouTube title always sucks.
Miiii – Sleepless
Even her name sounds like the scream of being mentally tormented by shit music.
Lunchsong Project – Silly Love
I swear it’s those two same dancers from that great Sugardonut song, except that this time the song is utter crap so they’ve got nothing to do except sort of float around aimlessly.
Soya – Oasis
I probably reviewed this last week but these tropical things are so generic that the weeks all bleed into each other after a while, so who can tell.
Hoons – I C U
I see that these hoons haven’t been picked up by the cops yet. Come on police, I pay my taxes, do your job.
Yun Ddan Ddan – It Will Be Okay
After listening to this song I feel like I need more reassurance than this.
Superbee – 5 Gawd
Superbee has been around for ages, long enough to know better, what’s his excuse for this.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Ami Kim – Arise (Sepultura) drum & vocal cover
Everyone excitedly linked me Ayeon’s latest tropical shithouse drum cover thinking I’d give a shit just because she was in tight gym clothes, but Ayeon has got shit music taste, so fuck that tropical bullshit, she should stick to modelling instead of playing that garbage. Ami Kim (who has featured in roundup before) knows where it’s at, she might not have Ayeon’s modelesque appearance but she isn’t fucking around on the musical front with gay ass toot-toot fucking crap, instead she’s picking Brazilian thrash metal gods Sepultura at their fastest and most relevant. For my money Sepultura at their peak were a better group than all of thrash metal’s “big four” because they hit hard and talked about real stuff that was happening in their actual communities and not fantasy bullshit or lame sloganeering and if you don’t agree that’s okay, I respect your opinion
sorry just kidding you should probably be killed.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more songs rounded up next week!