It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!
Super Junior ft. Leslie Grace – Lo Siento
There’s nothing musically worth a look here but check out those sweet Shindong eyebrow moves, your bias could never…
Twice – What Is Love
…unless your bias is Dahyun. JYP steals the video concept from AOA’s “Get Out” and the musical ideas from all those other songs for Twice that Black Eyed Pilseung wrote, and the result is… fucking good, actually, if not a bit different to Twice’s usual musical trick-bag.
EXO-CBX – Blooming Day
It’s not bad I guess. Scary fact – I actually know what the CBX in “EXO-CBX” means, and I’m a heterosexual male. That’s when I know I’m too deep into this k-pop thing.
Noir – Gangsta
Don’t take her glasses off, the poor girl probably can’t even fucking see now. What a selfish cunt.
Drunken Tiger – Yet
Drunken Tiger must have some rule in his contract that he has to make about one song every three years where he doesn’t do weak sucky R&B garbage, so here’s his actually decent contractual obligation song for 2018.
Mad Clown & Ailee – Thirst
I understand that Korean beauty standards dictate that Ailee is a fatty and therefore she has no place in music videos but I’m here to say that I like Ailee’s look now more than ever, and Korean beauty standards can fuck right off. Ailee’s presence in the video was always compensation for having to listen to her ruin songs like this by oversinging all over them, and as she’s not in this video at all I feel cheated and I want my money back for the electricity and Internet bandwidth I spent accessing this. Excuse me now, I’m going to go and talk to my ISP, I’m sure they’ll be understanding.
UNB – Only One
UNB come down with a case of the Coldplays and it’s just the usual mid-paced thing that all these groups do.
Eric Nam – Honestly
Yay Eric Nam finally does something upbeat and… oh wait it’s tropical shithouse. Probably the only chance he’ll ever get over the next few years to do a non-ballad and he squanders it like this. Never mind.
Pungdeng-E – Caramel Macchiato
Pungdeng-E continue to straddle the awkward line between actual k-pop and children’s TV show music. As weak as it is, this is probably the best song they’ve ever done, they should drop the Play School concessions completely and realise their true destiny as a punk group.
Great Guys – Ganda
After a promising debut Great Guys are also now doing the trop-slop thing, oh dear.
Soya – Show
And another, move along everyone. Don’t people get that if there are 1500 songs that all sound exactly like this, nobody is going to want to listen to any of it?
Yoo Seonho – Maybe Spring
Some rambling easy-listening nonsense. Glutinous rice is a real prick to cook with though, props for those well-crafted sweets, maybe he should start up a cafe or something and forget about this whole music thing.
The Rose – Baby
At least somebody knows how to rock but sadly the song isn’t as good as the idea.
Big One – Wavywavywavy
I guess it’s a reference to his voice in hard Autotune being “wavy” even though that’s actually the exact opposite of what hard Autotune does to a voice.
Sei – Nobody Knows
On my livestream (which is now a regular thing) I had to crank down the image quality to Minecraft levels because Australian Internet doesn’t have much bandwidth and it would be juddery and unwatchable otherwise, so my stream pretty much looked like this video as a result. I’m sure nobody cares that I’m all pixellated because I’m an ugly bald Australian cunt, but presumably somebody wants to fap to this guy’s buff torso so I feel like he just wasted all that workout time.
Jeong Jinwoon – Erasing
What a good idea, I’ll be “erasing” this right now.
Singil Station Romance – My Heart
I can’t look at girls who look and are dressed like this anymore without thinking of Sandy’s “Teen Swag“, so I just played that on the radio instead of this because fuck it.
Damsonegongbang – You Resembling Spring
The piano playing is lit but the song is just so boring, I know she’s got the ability, I just want to see that piano girl cut loose a bit.
Nilo – Pass By
Yeah I’m aware it’s from last year but I thought I’d drop it in here anyway because of the amount of success that it’s having means people will inevitably ask me about it. Sure, the song is the usual shitty ballad garbage that Korea loves but seeing this get successful and annoy the fuck out of all the stupid k-pop fandoms is so funny that it’s hard not to like this song despite how boring it is musically.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
B R I C O L A G E || – Animation demo by Dwelph
Dwelph is a very talented individual who among other things used to do a bunch of animations for Asian Junkie and has done some Photoshop work for me in the past as well, such as the “Admiral Boram” that you can see in this list. The above video is a collection of his animations from 2017, many of which are k-pop related.
That’s all for this week, Kpopalypse will return!