It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Oh My Girl Banhana – Banana Allergy Monkey
I really honestly think this song is a bit of a failure and didn’t go far enough in the chiptune direction for my liking, but then I saw some laughable thread on Twitter where some absolute grade A moron was talking about how this song is “sexist” because the girls are singing high or whatever, and now I fucking love this idiotic fucking shit.
TVXQ – Love Line
Don’t forget! TVXQ were only ever a two-piece group and have no controversial history at all, nor do they have a long history of bullshit songs like this one. SM where’s my money.
Pentagon – Shine
That outstandingly catchy piano line saves it, giving the listener something to hang onto so they can ignore all the other bullshit swirling around it.
Winner – Everyday
Everyone hates how this song is hard-Autotuned up the ass, but I love the fact that this got an all-kill on the Korean charts because it signals the death of the cancerous vocal technique obsession which has ruined so much of k-pop over the last few years. People are liking this song in spite of the vocals, not because of them, it’s proof that k-pop is gradually saving itself from its own worst tendencies.
EXID – Lady
Girl-pop in the 1990s was a shitty mess of breakbeats, stupid clothes and forgettable songs with no melody worth a damn. EXID do a faithful recreation here of all these elements.
CLC – Distance
For years they got no good songs and now they get all the good songs. What’s going on? This is essentially a rejig of Ladies Code’s best track “Hate You“, with early T-ara ballad style quirks added.
Ten – New Heroes
Another slow, nothingy track to go with all the other slow nothingy tracks from this week.
Flowsik & Jessi – Wet
Some nice bass frequencies don’t save this song from the fact that it is barely even music.
Badkiz – Just One Day
Badkiz get tropical disease and it’s maybe slightly better than most of this type of thing but still, can this style fuck off soon thanks.
UNB – Sense
This song isn’t bad but the best thing about them is still that their album cover looks like a black metal logo if you glance at it very quickly.
Primary & Anda – Zeppelin
It isn’t great but at least it’s not some soft-ass R&B with some Korean rapper or whatever boring shit Primary usually does. Once again Primary is blatantly ripping off a song but I can’t remember which one it is, lucky this song is with Anda and not someone people care about, or someone might have noticed and then I’d be forced to do another boring post about plagiarism, fucking snore.
YDPP – Love It Live It
A great keyboard riff kicks this one off and it sounds like it’s really going somewhere great, but the rest of the song doesn’t quite measure up.
Girlkind – Broccoli
It’s got a gimmicky chorus and that stupid shit flow that nobody with a brain likes. Tons of people linked me this just to make sure I’d cover it here this week and the only reason why I can think of is that you all enjoy reading me shitting on absolute garbage music. Happy to oblige, I guess.
The Boyz – Giddy Up
Cool how the group are inside a big pinball machine, I just kept waiting for a massive steel ball to come whizzing through the set and splatter the lot of them. How did the video concept designer not think of this.
Primary & Anda – Dressroom
Anda’s songs with Primary don’t suck anywhere near as much as both Anda and Primary usually do, but looking at her in the video is downright painful. I guess if you find Tex Perkins attractive you might dig Anda too but for the rest of us can we just get her to put some clothes on thanks.
Solid – Into The Light
Solid are apparently some ancient group and this song sounds appropriately ancient too, pity not much happens in it.
Solid – Memento
It’s not a comeback from a long-dead fossil group that nobody has cared about for years without that token second ballad song for the laydeez.
Reddy ft. Paloalto & Huckeberry P – Thanksgiving
There’s a great backing track in here somewhere but it isn’t given any chance to shine because of all the clownassing around happening on top of it.
Giwon – Don’t Wanna Lose You
Horror video my ass, the song is scarier than anything else happening here.
Grizzly – Island
Islands have a lot to answer for, they always seem to inspire the worst in people musically. Is there any good song anywhere about an island. Yes I’m aware that Australia is a big island, and yes all our songs are shit too, why do you think I listen to k-pop instead.
Yeim – Meet Me At The Corner
I don’t know, that sounds like a threat to me.
Dbo – Good Luck
They’ll need it, and perhaps so will we.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Tiffany shoots Sunny
What fucking 1337 skillz. She wasn’t even aiming down the sight properly. I want Tiffany in my PUBG squad.
That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse will return!