It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s take a look at some new releases!

TVXQ – The Chance Of Love

You know, it’s actually alright and it’s also not that trendy bullshit sound so I’m grateful.  I also appreciated the mixed-gender backup dancers, plus the two TVXQ boys getting homoerotically close to each other was kinda cool, I guess in this post-Holland environment the main players in k-pop have to keep up with the times.

Olivia Hye ft. Jinsoul – Egoist

Loona’s producers have another crack for my #1 of the year spot and the song is definitely good but not quite my tempo.

Stray Kids – District 9

This is their “debut”?  Don’t Stray Kids have like 57 songs already?  Anyway, it’s alright and I guess everyone else has to pick up the slack and be B.A.P now that B.A.P won’t do it anymore.

Stray Kids – Grow Up

Of course we also get the “we’re sensitive guys underneath, really” song for the fangirls at the same time.

NCT U – Yestoday

Not horrible but just too smooth to really make an impression, CUN T really need to step it up.

Monsta X – Jealousy

Nothing special musically either but I predict that Monsta X are still going to do well on my objectification polls later this year partially thanks to this video.

5tion – Love Takes Time

HAPAs Reddit should be happy because this video is all about k-pop boys picking up on some western girl.  In fact those people should be happy about k-pop turning the tables in their favour generally, making Asian men all desirable and shit, right?

Giriboy – North But South

The beat here is unusual and unusually great, but the lyrics are downright comical.  Is he really rapping about how he likes his jacket.  I can go and buy a Northface jacket from a camping store too, if I really wanted to look like that much of a dickhead.  It’s not that big a deal.

V.E.I.L – 25

Somewhere between electro disco cool and Korean rock boredom.

Ginjo ft. Angel – You

Some dance thing.  It’s alright as far as these things go but there are no surprises here, you could pretty much write the whole song yourself after you’ve heard the first 30 seconds.

Samuel ft. Jung Ilhoon – One

How long has it been since I’ve heard a “Bravesound” intro?  A while, and I miss them.  In 2013 I never thought I’d say that but honestly these days they’re so much better than some of the new producers (like *puke* Groovyroom) that it’s just not funny.  They’ve certainly given Samuel a cool song here.

Artlover – Want U Back

Someone involved in this project emailed me personally asking me to feature it.  Sure, not a problem, I’d be happy to oblige – but don’t they read this on a regular basis and know that I just have a tendency to shit on everything?  Full marks for courage, and anyway this is actually pretty decent so it just goes to show.  Don’t be scared Korean artists, send me your stuff!

Mamamoo – Everyday

Of course Mamamoo probably got wind that their fans suddenly are all pissy at me so they released this tropical shithouse track just to fuck with me.  At least they always look good.  I don’t know why they scream all the time though, and what’s with the Hitler thing.  That Mamamoo are so problematic, tsk tsk.

BONUS SONGS

San E & Madclown ft. Bumkey – Butterfly

This is terrible, it’s like they had a song and just removed bits of it.

Hoya – All Eyes On Me

And again with the mixed gender backing dancers.  Has this been a thing in k-pop forever and I’m only just noticing it now?  Anyway this song is painfully shit.

Gavy NJ – People Said Break It Up

I bet people did tell these girls to break it up.  In fact, one by one they even listened, but they agency just got a bunch of new girls to do Gavy NJ instead so we still have to listen to crappy ballads like this.

Jo Kwan Woo – Move On

There are some songs that I add here where I think to myself “why am I even putting this here nobody is going to give a shit”.

Naul – Feel Like

This is going for a 70s soul kind of sound but it’s way too slow to be engaging.

Kisum ft. Heize – It’s Okay

I like the zoom in on the guitar chords at the start, saves me having to do a tabs video for this one, I wish more videos would do this.  Pity that nobody is ever going to want to learn this song anyway because it’s so boring.

D:amant – Sick

The minimalist video is cool but this still would have cost more money than you think.  Also why is there an effing great hole in the right wall, did their neighbour blast a cannon through it after the girls wouldn’t keep the stupid ballad noise down.

I’ll – To My Dear

The group with possibly the worst name in k-pop releases another boring song.  I remember being shocked and appalled back when I heard there was a western group called “The The”, I didn’t know how good I had it.

Flowsik & Jessi – All I Need

How do girls with huge breast implants go with singing, doesn’t it make it difficult having to heave around these big sandbags every time you take a breath to produce a note?  Oh wait, that’s right it’s k-pop where all the singing is done electronically so it doesn’t matter.  Damn, that was close, thought I was turning into a worthless vocalfaggot there for a second.

Hoons – Begin-Us

Where I live, a “hoon” is someone who steals your Commodore VH to do burnouts in parking lots, then they drive it halfway across town and set it on fire.  Apparently in Korea they hug teddy bears down by the river and make shit R&B music.  I’m not sure which is worse.

Jeremy Quest – Work

Lots of talk about “putting in work”, so little action.  It’s fruit picking season where I live, maybe Jeremy should consider a trip to the South Australian Riverland, there’s always jobs going at this time of year.

Jung Ilhoon – She’s Gone

Someone also asked for this song to be featured here because I forgot about it.  I’m obviously not going to like it, so not sure why they wanted this?  The guitar riff isn’t too bad, the rest is a waste of time obviously.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

OMG Live – Bollbalgan4 – Some

This video is super cool and the song is nice too but but these girls really don’t know how to fucking dress themselves, do they.  Those nurse uniforms in “Fix Me” were the only time they ever got it right.  That blonde one in particular has a kinda square, boxy figure and always dresses in ways that exaggerate her squareness and boxiness incredibly.  I’m pretty sure she’s actually a robot.  So I guess it makes sense that they perform in a gym with professional wrestlers, the only people who dress even worse than they do, so they can swap tips on mismatching colours and looking awkward.  I still had fun watching this however, and in fact the entire OMG Live series is great, it’s just a shame that they never use the actual proper live audio from the performances in these videos.  It would have been so cool to listen to Bolbbalgan4 sing with all that sweaty grunting and slapping in the background, which come to think of it, is pretty much how I always listen to them.

---

That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup for this week!  Remember caonimas, there’s still a few days left to do the latest Kpopalypse survey if you haven’t gotten around to it yet!  Click here to participate, and Kpopalypse will return soon!