It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s check out some new releases!
BoA – One Shot, Two Shot
I guess BoA’s plan for American advancement is to sing about guns all the time and attract NRA endorsements. If the NRA can afford to essentially buy out the US government, they can surely buy out SM these days. Look for a BoA “home security” PSA featuring her wielding an AR-15 soon.
Weki Meki – La La La
A year into their career and Weki Meki still don’t have any songs yet.
CLC – Black Dress
On the other hand CLC are finally getting songs for the first time.
Twice – Brand New Girl
Twice’s Japanese songwriting must all get farmed out to the same generic j-pop songwriters because none of them are any good.
I.C.E – Shameless
A rejig of T-ara’s “I Go Crazy Because Of You” that should have been great but is ruined by over-present vocals and a lack of anything really catchy about it.
Trax & Lip2shot ft. Sophiya – Notorious
Don’t get your hopes up just because Trax are a rock group, this rocks about as hard as your grandmother’s knitting.
Minty – You Do
Imagine if early E.via had no beats and was about ten times more grating. Being anonymous when releasing this was probably very smart.
Hash Swan ft. Gray – Wang Like Alexander
Never thought I’d see the day that people pretend to play trap bullshit with actual instruments in a music video. Who do they think they are kidding. Just mime hitting buttons on a machine or something if you’re gonna mime something that sounds like this.
VRomance – Star
I was going to post full of admiration for the dancing here because who the fuck can dance on a squishy bed mattress, but then I realised that’s not even a bed she’s dancing on, it’s a block of wood with a sheet over it. I call hax on these noobs.
AboutU – Sse Han De
Working in a factory is tons of fun, just watch these guys. Don’t you just want to get a factory job right fucking now.
Yang Yoseop – When I Am Gone
This guy is raping my ears with his shitty songs, can #MeToo please step up and make him apologise thanks.
Mighty Mouth – Uber
Taxi drivers have been really upset with the emergence of Uber but it’s their own fucking fault for overcharging, pulling dodgy “drive the foreigner around the long way” scams and raping their passengers. What must really burn them more than anything is that no new k-pop songs are singing “Mr. Taxi” anymore, it’s all about Uber now, that’s when you know your occupation is culturally a done deal.
Nano – Forever You And I
This is some guy from History and now I really want History back even more so we’re spared more of these crappy solo songs from every other member of the group.
Cheeze – Just As A Lie
Do this group have anything at all in their repertoire that isn’t a boring ballad. Imagine being in a band like this. “What song do we write next?” “How about another ballad to shit people to tears, just like all our other ones?” “Well gee I don’t have any better ideas, okay then.”
I.M – Fly With Me
This had real promise with some great moody sounds but then at 0:16 the actual song starts and it’s that bullshit sound that everybody hates including me.
Cha Eunjoo – I’m Beautiful
I think that’s subjective, honey.
Dolly – Three Legged Race
Here’s this week’s genuinely different video. I guess when you can’t afford that drama video of your dreams, this is what you gotta do.
Planetarium Records – Blind
Is this really the name of the band, or were the band just so embarrassed about this rubbish song that their label stepped up to the plate and said “well if you won’t put your name to it, somebody’s got to”.
Park So Yu – Acrobatic In The Night
Actually this one’s a little bit good due to some welcome backing track subtlety.
Eos – Ballad Of Full Speed
Probably visually one of the worst-realised music videos I’ve ever seen, right up there with Horizon.
Siyeon – Faded
Come on Siyeon, stop being so fucking nice about it and get out the death metal growls, we all know you want to.
J.Yung – Can I
No you cannot.
Roydo – Crzy
Wow, Roydo’s so crazy that he left the “a” out of “Crazy”, how crazy can you get? Pity he didn’t import any of that craziness into the actual song.
Fr:eden – If You Can’t Fall Asleep
Sometimes the thing does exactly what it says on the box.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Chahun from N.Flying talks about his equipment
Thanks to the caonima who sent this in. This is Chahun from N.Flying doing a livestream, where he gets a bit technical about the gear he uses. Not very technical, but certainly hearing anyone at all in k-pop talk about this type of thing even a little is a rarity so I thought I’d pass it on. If you want to get straight to it, skip to about 4:20 because he really just only fucks around with plush toys before that.
That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup will return!