It’s Kpopalypse roundup time! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Suzy – Sober
Even if Suzy didn’t have all the charisma of a wet fart, this song would still be pretty unspectacular.
VAV – Gorgeous
Actually this song isn’t that great, but VAV have come a long way, they sound like a legit boy group these days, so why not give them header image status to encourage them.
NCT U – Boss
What are these kids the “boss” of, the queue for the cafeteria during recess?
Beon – Crush
In a society where people care so much about their appearance, it’s amazing and heartwarming that these ugly cunts even are allowed to exist at all let alone pick up the courage to be filmed playing instruments.
Olnl – Kokiriko
Elephants seem to be vastly underrepresented in the furry fandom so watching these guys hanging out with furries making trop-house dubstep hybrids will no doubt please some niche audience out there who reads my shit.
Miryo – Can I See You Again
Well this stupid CGI crap is still better than watching Miryo trying to dress “sexy”, and the song is slightly better than her usual trash too, so that’s two steps in the right direction.
Zagmachi – God’s Lament
It’s not often when I can say that I’ve seen something truly different in the world of k-pop videos, but I think I’ve found something here. Also this is actually a better song than VAV or anything else in roundup this week but I didn’t have much luck with “Zagmachi” in Google image search.
Kang Ho Dong & Hong Jin Young – I Kicked My Luck Off
Actually Hong Jin Young seems to only be in the video rather than the song itself, but I guess that’s all that matters.
Kim Yongchul ft. Realslow – Andenayon
All these actors taking the place of k-pop stars, oh my god I’m so upset about that, why don’t they just stick to acting, allow me to write ten thousand stupid online comments about it like my opinion matters and I have any right at all to dictate the careers of others [insert incel tears here]
Eun Ho – Box
When the world runs out of oil we’ll be able to scrape the BB cream off Eun Ho’s nose and power our fossil fuel vehicles for another few years while we get green energy going. This is a solo version, less resource-rich full band version here if you’re interested.
Don Mills ft. Dbo – Yonge & Finch
There was maybe an okay song here if either of these rappers had bothered to actually rap over it instead of doing that sing-songy Autotune nonsense.
Supa Killa B & Thornick ft. J Slow – A-way
This one is better only because the Autotune is used like salt instead of special sauce.
Jang Han Byul – 1am
If she’s thrown out her VHS player like any sensible person, she would have been spared the torment, hey.
Joy Park – Missing You
Cool sounds does not a good song make.
Kang Minhee – Toddle
This is Minhee from Miss $, that group that everyone claims to like way more than miss A but nobody ever listens to, like, ever. Can understand the confusion with Minhee from Stellar, both of them are rocking the same k-pop mullet. Anyway this Minhee here can just toddle off.
Nawonju – Greet
You can tell when the video director doesn’t know shit about music – the vocals are synced to the audio but nothing else is.
Singil Station Romance – No One Can Love
The amount of ballads coming out of Korea is becoming a parody of itself. I don’t even need to write anything here about how much of this utter bullshit comes out each and every week because it’s self-evident.
Roy Kim – Only Then
Of course Roy Kim turns up in the bonus songs section. Will he ever get airplay?
Park Boram – Will Be Fine
It’s not the one true Boram so I don’t care, but even if I did, this is rubbish.
Yang Yoseop – Star
God, trawling through all this was depressing. That person in the comments saying that this is perfect, I’d hate to have your life. Do you scratch your buttcrack for thrills you fucking cunt.
Sangmin Lee – Blues Along The Way
You’ll get the blues alright. Mind you I like how it fades out halfway through.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Hong Jin Young is buying!
Thanks to my book-sending caonimas I’ve been reading a lot about the horrors of the North Korean regime lately (which is exactly as bad as you think it is), so spare a thought for these South Korean troops who have to dutifully face off against the North daily in the freezing weather and endure countless hards… hey wait, they got to meet Hong Jin Young, hey FUCK these guys. Hope you enjoy 21 months of being cold and dodging bullets, fuckheads.
That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup for this week – roundup shall return!