It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some more new releases!
Not much of interest came out this week, as k-pop winds down its activity somewhat to accommodate some gay-ass sporting event nobody cares about.
Naeun & Jinsol – My Story
April’s agency are really trying hard to get the girls into my annual “white-coater comics”. I guess I should reward the effort?
Hong Jin Young – Goodbye
Not to be outdone, this video has enough exploitable images in it for a whole year’s worth of Kpopalypse posts. Even better it’s Hong Jin Young’s best song in a while.
Dynamic Duo ft. Suran – Bongjeseon
Dynamic Duo occasionally have some good songs but when they suck, boy they sure know how to suck.
Hyolyn – To-Do List
Speaking of which, better put “not sucking” on that list, Hyolyn.
Monsta X – In Time
The problem with these “special videos” or whatever is that all the crappy filler ballads like this come out of the woodwork.
Seventeen – Thanks
Seventeen finally have a reasonable song, it only took their songwriters about 53 cracks at it over three years.
Cocosori – Mi Amor
Someone obviously had words to their producers and said “this Orange Caramel crap isn’t working out for us, stop fucking around with that noise and just jump on the tropical shithouse trend like every other cunt, it’s commercially safer”.
14U – Don’t Be Pretty
This isn’t great but at least it has some pace to it. That’s something.
Ash.B ft. Cherry Coke – Blocked
Ash-B is that woman who went all out with crazy ass-exposing pre-debut photos 57 Unpretty Rapstars ago and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing of interest anywhere.
Victim Mentality – Way Of Steel
I like the comical Manowar-style posing, but just like Manowar themselves the music here doesn’t quite live up to the image. Full marks for effort, and the determination to soldier on when I’m sure they have about ten fans.
Jung Seung Hwan – The Snowman
Did you know dogs hear at ten times the volume of humans? No wonder the dog in this video fucks off pretty quickly after the first half of the song.
Soulights – My Best
Look at that douchebag throwing the flowers around like that, how ungrateful. Girl, you could do better.
Ailee – Rewrite.. If I Can
I don’t know whether this is an OST song or not, it seems like it might be but about 20% of the video shots are of Ailee singing and that’s actually a reasonable ratio for her these days. Ailee is looking so chunky and sexy lately, and her agency keeps doing their best to bury her and hide her figure when they should be flaunting it. In this video they’ve put her in the most form-destroying top possible, given her a skirt with a length just long enough to hide the part where her thighs get chunky and have obviously said something to her along the lines of “for the love of god don’t move from the waist down” but I’m not fooled by this charade. This is why we need to stan Pristin’s Kyla, it’s so Korean beauty standards are destroyed and the Ailees of this world can be free to jiggle in our faces.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
A bunch of Korean rap guys watching Stellar
Either one of two possibilities is true:
- These guys are pretending to feel shy about watching Stellar, and therefore are a bunch of pussyboys in denial about their own sexuality
- These guys actually feel shy about watching Stellar, and therefore are a bunch of pussyboys in denial about their own sexuality
It’s just cringe, regardless. Just get on with it guys and shove some fucking paper money in your favourite girl’s stockings, that’s obviously what they want.
That’s all for this week, more Kpopalypse roundup next week!