Welcome to another Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Red Velvet – Bad Boy
Red Velvet’s song has interesting backings but the melody is just nothing at all. Mind you it’s also got guns in the video so half the Americans reading this will still jack off to this with one hand while complaining on their favourite social network about my “tone” with the other.
BoA – Nega Dola
The only thing that can stop a bad k-pop comeback with a gun is a good k-pop comeback with a gun.
CLC – To The Sky
CLC finally fucking have the great song they needed two years ago, and k-pop is saved. This is a feature track so I’m unsure why Cube are dragging their feet on providing an official MV, but then it’s Cube so anything can happen I guess.
Yoon Mirae – No Gravity
Yoon Mirae, much like Cheetah, is one of those rap artists who should be outstanding, but never ever is, due to having proficient rap skill but garbage music taste. Having said that, this slow sing-songy bullshit is still better than most rap music now. What sad times we live in.
Go Won (Loona) – One & Only
Definitely one of the less-good Loona songs but Loona’s worst song is probably still better than your bias’ best song.
Jub & Fatcat – Adam & Eve
Yay Fatcat is alive! Weird how this song is trying to be a ballad but has strangely face-mashing dubstep production, it’s like Space One really wasn’t down with this entire concept and just decided to take the piss, maybe someone didn’t pay him enough to make an actual effort.
Golden Child – It’s U
This is the spectacular new boy group Woollim are going to focus on now that Infinite are kinda a done deal these days. What do you mean you’re not impressed? Time to mail out those boxes of toilet paper, address is World Cup buk-ro 23gil14, Mapo-gu, Seoul, South Korea if you’re keen.
Henry – Monster
I thought Henry was supposed to be some kind of musical genius who could play 57 instruments at once, why is this song just boring vocals and guitar. He’s clearly coasting, the lazy fuck. Also notice how his label wouldn’t let him do blackface so they just dimmed the lights a bit instead, SM are so woke like that.
Gugudan – The Boots
Carried by a great SNSD-calibre backing track and not much else, at least Gugudan have their look sorted these days.
Black6ix – Alone
The latest song from “Blackssixix” is like one of those 2NE1 mid-tempo numbers you always skipped through.
Kate Kim – So Long, Baby
A good face mask might prevent pollution from getting up your nostrils but is probably powerless against shit music disease.
Dean – Instagram
This is definitely the best song Dean has ever done. It’s also absolute shit.
Los – Flame Boy
What a great moody backing track completely ruined by the typical yolosweg “yeahhhehhhh” electronic vocal performance. Just stop that already.
The Magus – Child’s Water
When the guy with the Justin Bieber tour hoodie has better music than your bias, you know it’s another bad week in k-pop.
Risso – Allergy
Risso is still hanging out with furries I see. Old habits die hard.
Bkay ft. IK Brothers – Dance
Oh dear. Na Ha Eun last week was pretty bad but this is definitely worse. Let’s not encourage him.
Jay Park & Yultron – Forget About Tomorrow
Jay Park didn’t know anything about tropical shithouse but felt the need to be a trend-following boring person anyway so he got Yultron’s help for this one.
Cracker ft. Yoon Hyun Sang, EZ Kim – Face
Bumkey ft. Suran -Lalala
Knave – Leave
This is rubbish too, it never ends.
100% – Song For You
I guess they had to catch tropfag disease eventually. They couldn’t be good forever.
Jong Shin Yoon – Slow Starter
Accurate song title of the week. Unfortunately it doesn’t get any quicker.
Davichi – Just The Two Of Us
Didn’t I review this song last week? With their cookie-cutter music these days it’s hard to even tell if they released any songs at all.
Soyeon (LaBoum) & Parc Jae Jung – XOXO
Someone wanted me to review this and I have no idea why because it obviously sounds exactly like every other boring mid-paced R&B junk this year and obviously I’m going to shit on it, so what gives. You readers can be a strange lot.
Paul Kim – Premonition
It’s amazing that I can even pick out a “30 worst songs” at all when shit like this gets released each and every week.
Krr – Whiteness
He’s talking about snow, okay? Not every fucking thing ever is about race, you know. Stop commenting, Henry.
Kyu Young – Woo Ya
Wait, a rap song that is semi-okay? What strangeness.
Penomeco – L.I.E
I guess Zico isn’t in a hurry to let anyone borrow his shine, whenever he produces for someone else it’s always the absolute crap that didn’t make the cut for his own projects.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Fat Cat – Is Being Pretty Everything?
You can see exactly how many fucks Loen give about Fatcat – they don’t even get her name right here, don’t even understand that she’s a solo artist and not a group, nor could they be even fucked subbing the video for her most iconic song even though the lyrics are the main drawcard (English subbed version here if you’re interested) even though Loen normally sub absolutely everything. Someone as obviously outstandingly attractive as Fatcat singing a song about how Korean beauty standards are fucking her over is kind of a tough sell though. Don’t be so down on yourself, girl – you’ve got nothing to complain about.
That’s all for this week, Kpopalypse roundup will return!