It’s back again for 2018 – get ready for the year’s first Kpopalypse Nugu Alert as we check out some more nugus!
It’s good to bring this series back for 2018! Never doubt that as long as Kpopalypse blog exists, so too shall Kpopalypse Nugu Alert. Even if Kim Jong Un successfully nuked South Korea out of existence (probable chances of this occurring – 0%) I would still be picking through the decayed radioactive wreckage, searching for nugus just for my lovely readers to enjoy. Do not underestimate the high determination levels of Kpopalypse to bring you nugu content!
Onto this episode, and anybody who is anybody who watches k-pop videos knows that they tend to follow one of about a dozen fairly strict formats:
- People dancing in a room
- People dancing not in a room
- Drama – I once had a lover and now they are gone because of reason x
- Look at the cute thing
- Drama – I am an incel
- Guys showing flesh
- Girls kind of showing flesh but not really
- Drama – I am with my lover and we are so very happy, except when we’re not
- Hip-hop guys standing around in a location doing nothing in particular
- How many completely unrelated sets designed to sell widescreen high-def TVs can we show you one by one in this video
- Drama – important political message, now please love this group or you are a bad person who supports the other side
- I am a very funny person watch me dance in a silly way
This makes it all the more notable when somebody breaks the format. Of course there are also several examples of video directors not following the above rules, but it often takes a high budget and a lot of imagination to create a result worth watching. What do you do when you’re the creative director of a nugu agency’s video who have barely given you an Korean actor’s salary worth of money to actually make something good? The following videos I found to be very low-budget but high-imagination, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!
Usual Nugu Alert rules apply:
- Less than 20,000 views on official channels
- Nobody outside Korea gives a fuck about these nugus
- Relevant to Kpopalypse, for reasons
Let’s get started!
K2P – I’m The Man
One type of music video which is sadly mostly absent from k-pop is the martial arts video. Sure, we’ve got the only relevant co-ed group in k-pop right now K-Tigers, but they’re all about martial arts as dancing, you don’t really ever get to see them kicking anyone’s heads in (at least not in their music videos). On the fighting front we’ve got Yery Band’s amazing “Romeo Mannequin” and LC9’s highly engaging and over-the-top “Mama Beat” but videos like that cost money. What to do when you don’t have money? The answer according to K2P apepars to be “go down to the shit part of town with a handycam and spend a day pretending to beat the crap out of your other band members”. The results are certainly entertaining to watch, go nicely with the song which isn’t too bad, and the ambition in shooting something like this and even kind of pulling it off is admirable. Even better is the extended ending with the guys in the group all hanging out and being friendly, just so you know that it’s all fun and games and they were just acting the whole time, because we wouldn’t want to confuse the kids with the sheer intensity of this hardcore authentic martial arts action. Stay safe, kids.
YouTube views at time of writing: 8906
Notable attribute: synchronised spin-around at 2:30 is simultaneously laughable and super cute
Nugu Alert rating: high
BtheJ – Bang Song
You know how it feels when you discover a new fun type of software program you’ve never heard of for the first time. Like when you were 8 years old and worked out that there was a program called Paint and you could just draw anything that you could possibly think up and WOW there it was, amazing! Then you could save it as a file and show it to your friends! Cool, way more fun than paper that runs out and gets crushed in your school bag and stupid pens and pencils, right? BtheJ seems to share a similar kind of first-time fascination with his video editing program, because he edits himself into all sorts of scenes in ways that your average person just wouldn’t think up, but that would probably come naturally to someone from the 1950s just discovering that they can insert their own selves anywhere they want onto a televised image for the very first time. It’s a pity that I find the song in this case to be really bad, because such naivety should probably be stanned hardcore by somebody, somewhere – especially as this guy might very well possibly have no friends, because after all nobody appears in his video but him and there has to be a reason for that. I can picture him sitting up endless nights after work painstakingly making this all on his own with his basement studio green-screen, then going to work the next day, and his workmates (who he doesn’t talk to) asking him “why are you buying yourself a sports medal… you don’t play sport… do you?” as he quietly skulks off into the break room, his face red with shame. He needs our support, people.
YouTube views at time of writing: 3316
Notable attribute: the way the movement of his feet isn’t even slightly matched to the turning of the turning thing at 0:50 really fucks with my computer-gaming OCD that insists all character animation must syncronise convincingly with the backdrop at all times
Nugu Alert rating: very high
Eun U – Blah Blah
When I was in primary school, toys went through phases. One month yo-yos were cool and everyone was bringing yo-yos to school. Then another month it was those pre-gameboy Game & Watch portable computer games that everyone had to have (and who remembers using the handy “but it’s a watch – it tells the time and has an alarm!” excuse to get your stingy parents to shell out for one). At one stage it was Transformers that were the shit everybody wanted to have. All the kids in my class had the original 1980s Transformers toys, but they cost a fuckton and my one-income working-class family was poor, we didn’t have the money for expensive shit like that. After much begging and pleading from us kids who were too dim to see through the TV marketing, my parents eventually got sick of our whining and bought myself and my brother one of these toys each and they were cool, after all what was more awesome to a pre-pubescent boy than a car that turned into a robot and then back into a car again, if you could remember the weird sequence of mechanical movements to do the transition correctly. Anyway after watching this, I think I found the k-pop girl equivalent of myself back then – Eun U doesn’t care about the boys in this video, she’d rather hang out with her cool transforming robot car, everything else is just “blah blah blah”. Unfortunately this sentiment didn’t strike a chord with the international k-pop community, with her song not even reaching a thousand views (since 2013!), but who needs YouTube traffic when you can go anywhere you want with your robot car friend. I don’t know whether my twelve-year old self would want to fuck her or be her.
YouTube views at time of writing: 507
Notable attribute: hand motion at 1:45 should be useful for Reddit/kpopfap
Nugu Alert rating: extreme
That’s all for this episode of Kpopalyspe Nugu Alert! The series will return with more nugus at a future date!