Kpopalypse clearing house post 3 for 2017

Hi readers!  Let’s do the last clearing house post for 2017!

K-pop girl group miss A, who officially broke up today, have nothing to do with this post, which doesn’t even retro-review any of their songs. Oh well.

This is the final clearing house post for 2017 and I will happily just ignore all the other nonsense that comes out between now and December 31st.  Nothing but shit comes out at this time of year anyway.  Here, let me prove it.

SHIT NEW SONGS

Laysha – Pink Label

If this song could pick where it wanted to go it would be okay, but it tries to be about three different things and doesn’t really get a chance to hit the spot with any of them.

2lson ft. Hannah Jang – Mona Lisa

Through history people were wondering what Mona Lisa was smiling about, whatever it was it sure wasn’t shit k-pop R&B ballads being named after her 500 years later.

Dnnrtbl – Hatch

It’s actually alright apart from the needless jazz drums.

Gate9 – Chemical China

Gate9 are to Oh My Girl what Pungdeng-E are to Orange Caramel.

Jvcki Wai – No Maria But A Human

It’s a shit song, and I was going to say that it at least has a nice visual aesthetic but I really cringe with the way people misuse the word “aesthetic” these days all the time so I’m just gonna say “it be pretty and stuff”.

Wings Of The Isang – Incense

What are they doing in the video but having coffee.  Korea’s commitment to boredom cuts across all musical genres.

EXO – Universe

EXO are trolling me even more though.  They even have their own custom coffee cup of +5 uninterestingness.

Giriboy – Why U Mad

Cos u so shit

BoA – Jazzclub

It starts off as one of the better SM songs lately, and then it goes into the scat vocal section and I just want to shoo be doo bap the fuck out of there.

Kim Young Jin with Arkay – Alt+F4

It’s great that title of the song instructs you on what to do to improve your online life as soon as the video plays.

1nb – Winter, Again

Injecting hard drugs into the apple and then eating the apple later is going to be the latest trend at YG to get around airport drug detection.  Sniffer dogs hate citrus and the smell totally puts them off the scent.  Sure it dulls the high a bit but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Zik9 – Listen To The Music Alone

I’d be doing that and a lot more alone if I ever forced my girlfriend to listen to the songs in these clearing house posts.

Jung Dong Ha – Sunshine

More boring shit.

Younha – Parade

I like that “groove it area” or whatever sample that Groovyroom use on all their songs because it means I can just stop listening right there and not waste my time any further.  It’s like they’re trying to make my job of sifting through the crap easier, like when you play Minesweeper and someone tells you where to put the red flags down and they’re right because they’re better at the grid maths than you are.  They really seem to care about me maximising my time writing this poop and I can only be appreciative.

Un Jung Hwa – She

Are they really sure that’s a “she”.  Someone should ask her what her preferred pronoun is, just to be sure.  You can’t be too politically correct these days.  Yeah yeah, I’m so evil blah blah blah ADMIT IT, YOU WERE THINKING IT TOO

SHIT REQUESTED SONGS

Bloo – Downtown Baby

Ugh.

Solbi – Red

Performance art music installation nonsense that wastes the vast majority of its length fucking around to the point where I can’t even tell which parts are supposed to be “the song” and what is just “the video”.  God knows what the album version sounds like, I’m sure it’s all the least interesting parts of this distilled into a tiny fragment.

Solbi – Princess Maker

Obviously “Red” is just an eye-catching gimmick because everything else about Solbi is just kind of what you would expect any Korean girl soloist you haven’t heard of to sound like.

Jvcki Way – Anarchy

If The Sex Pistols knew this is where their sloganeering would end 40 years later they would have disintegrated a lot quicker than they did out of sheer embarrassment.

Saay ft. Crush – Sweaty

This video is so dark that I can barely even see her.  If only they obscured the music to the same extent.

 

SOME SHIT SONG FROM THE PAST

Heo Young Saeng – The Art Of Seduction

Whenever they try to nerd girls up in videos I always find them to be really hot all of a sudden, even though the effect they’re trying to achieve is always the exact opposite.  Also see the start of Ailee’s “I’ll Show You“, as soon as she takes the glasses off and starts dancing she seriously plummets on the fap scale.   Korea’s music directors clearly didn’t get the memo that Blizzard got when they created Mei.


That’s the last clearing house post!  Sorry if your request didn’t make it in, but don’t worry I’m sure I would have just shat on it anyway.  Kpopalypse will return!

2 thoughts on “Kpopalypse clearing house post 3 for 2017

  1. I’m a fairly straight female, but even I agree nerd girls are hot. There should be a Kpop girl group that does a sexy nerd concept at least once.

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