Kpopalypse presents a classy-sexy Gain retrospective

Kpopalypse bias Gain, the maknae (youngest member, 30 years old at the time of writing) from long-running k-pop idol group Brown Eyed Girls recently decided/was forced to go on a mental health hiatus from the k-pop industry.  Not many people tend to come charging back into the world of k-pop once they realise that it’s not good for their mental state, so the sad truth is that it’s very possible we may not be the lucky recipients of more Gain videos in the future.  The silver lining to this dark cloud is that it’s a good time for a classy-sexy Kpopalypse retrospective look at Gain!

Gain has fallen out of popular k-pop fan favour lately, probably due to being caught hanging out with arch-caonima Sulli one too many times, and since most k-pop fans don’t have much of a mind of their own, hating her seems to be the cool hip trendy thing to do, so that’s what they do.  However those with short memories might not recall that Gain is someone who received a free pass for years doing all the crazy shit in her videos that other k-pop girls were absolutely forbidden to go anywhere near, and this is where my usage of the term “classy sexy” originates.  Hyuna bouncing her boobs around in a video was always considered “slutty” by k-pop commentators and she was burned at the stake for it with alarming regularity, but Gain was only ever “classy sexy” according to k-pop media, which is odd because her videos generally feature rape, rape and more rape.  It was crystal clear to me when politically-correct pseudo-feminist k-pop bloggers talked about the forward-thinking feminist nature of Gain’s “classy-sexy” image, what they really meant was that they just liked to see Gain play out all their secret rape fantasies, hence the conflation of “classy-sexy” and “video play-rape” on Kpopalypse blog ever since.

While Kpopalypse does not condone actual rape in the real world, I’ve always had lots of time for Gain’s classy-sexy image – even when the music itself hasn’t been up to par Gain always delivered visually and conceptually.  If only sex creeps like Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey and Louis CK and YG watched more Gain videos, they might have gotten their inner rapey out of their system with some harmless fantasy that didn’t hurt any innocent people and perhaps they wouldn’t be in the ideological and public relations pickle that they are in today.  While classy-sexiness in k-pop music videos is definitely a good thing for society, it’s unfortunate for fans of classy-sexy action that many k-pop stars are reluctant to have their videos resemble the subway scenes in Japanese adult videos in any way.  Never fear, I have identified all the classy-sexy action in Gain’s videos for your reference and research purposes!  Some of these instances may have slipped by you initially, but just like foot fetish content in a Quentin Tarantino film, once you know it’s there it’s impossible to continue to ignore.

All Gain videos in this retrospective will be assessed in the important areas that matter:

  • song quality
  • classy-sexiness

Songs will be presented in chronological order, although there’s a chance I might fuck that up if her crappy company decided to reupload any videos at any stage.  This post also won’t cover her material in Brown Eyed Girls where she didn’t get quite so much creative input and therefore the classy-sexiness is less prevalent across the board as a result.

October 8 2010 – Gain – Irreversible

Song quality – some tango-infused dance thing which isn’t particularly well done or interesting.

Classy-sexiness – lots of Gain getting tossed around like a used dishrag in both the drama scenes and the dance routines, clearly this is a song about classy-sexiness.  The giveaway is of course the song’s title, obviously and deliberately named after the French film “Irreversible“, a sweet romantic comedy exploring tender love between young adults and how true love is irreversible like the title, nope sorry just kidding it’s actually about rape oops.

March 20 2012 – Gain – For You Not To Know

Song quality – some good guitar solos don’t stop a shit ballad from being shit.

Classy-sexiness – a neat little video story with a cool twist, but no classy-sexy action in this one as Gain isn’t physically in the video herself.  This is a formula that will be repeated later: IF GAIN IN VIDEO=TRUE THEN CLASSY-SEXY=1, ELSE 0.

April 21 2012 – JYP & Gain – Someone Else

Song qualitylame R&B shit, actually quite ahead of its time as it sounds like every second bullshit song that came out in 2017.

Classy-sexiness – in this video Gain is neglected by JYP as he goes out clubbing, so Gain invites one of his boy-band members over to fuck her instead.  Eventually Gain and JYP get back together, but with neither of them smiling or looking particularly happy about it.  They both sing improvised vocals right in each other’s faces which has to be the closest thing to rape that it’s possible to come, musically.  Imagine smelling someone’s stinky breath while they sing an inch away from your face, ewww, remember folks no means no.

September 24 2012 – Gain – Tinkerbell

Song quality – great, but…

Classy-sexiness – …the label never released the full music video for god knows what reason.  I didn’t consent to this teaser-only crap.  Just because I clicked on a short video doesn’t mean that I was asking for it.

October 4 2012 – Gain – Bloom

Song quality – kind of a boring disco thing that sounds like an album reject from IU’s “Last Fantasy”.

Classy-sexiness – at 0:50 during the boring soft-focus intro section, we’re presented with an unseen person in a room watching projected camera footage of Gain.  In the projected film, Gain is just out in the garden sniffing flowers or whatever the fuck, generally being happy.  Then she turns to the camera and the look on her face instantly changes from “gosh I’m so happy and at one with nature” to “why are you filming me you fucking pervert don’t tell me you are going to jack off to this later”.  Clearly the guy is making revenge-porn and there is no consent here.  Also notice how during the dance routines in the actual song she’s constantly slapping the guys’ hands away from her body.

November 29 2012 – Gain ft. Eric – Nostalgia

Song quality – kind of short, throwaway, inoffensive but dull nonsense.  The full song is a bit longer than this inexplicably shortened official video, but thankfully nobody cares.

Classy-sexiness – this song’s video just extends out the intro from “Bloom” some more, which as we’ve already established is just some pervert rapist kinkoid fap revenge porn fantasy.  Hum all the smooth melodies over it all you want, that incessantly shaky camera with the lingering body shots makes it abundantly clear what’s really going on.

April 7 2013 – Gain & Hyungwoo – Brunch

Song quality – boring coffee-shop bullshit, if ever it existed.  They even filmed part of it in a coffee shop just to drive the point home.  It’s like they’re proud of this shit.

Classy-sexiness – not only is Gain dressed-down charmingly but Hyungwoo inserts his sausage into her mouth at 2:47 in one of k-pop’s hottest moments.  However it all seems fairly benign, lovey-dovey and consensual (i.e un-Gain-like) until the scene at 2:51 where they’re holding hands and he gets a little bit too hand-stroky and she slaps him.  Then in the very next scene she’s holding his hand again.  Didn’t she just slap him for that behaviour just before?  Clearly she’s getting off on the idea of egging him on for a bit of classy-sexy action.

May 8 2013 – LC9 ft. Gain – Mama Beat

Song quality – actually quite rocking, except for the bit where Gain is in it.  Oh well.

Classy-sexiness – lots of appealing shots of guys hurting each other, but no Gain in sight.  IF GAIN IN VIDEO=TRUE THEN CLASSY-SEXY=1, ELSE 0.

January 27 2014 – Gain ft. Bumkey – Fuck U

Song quality – boring mid-paced acoustic-strummy garbage that everybody would have ignored if not for the video.

Classy-sexiness – very much Gain comfort-zone territory with Human Centipede-inspired classy-sexiness galore.  She might be a convincing actress here, looking like she genuinely hates every moment, but the truth is that Gain enjoyed play-acting the rapey parts of this video so much that she actually fell in love with the guy in the video and they had a relationship which lasted years.

February 5 2014 – Gain – Truth Or Dare

Song quality – an absolutely crap soundalike of Thicke, T.I and Pharrell’s now-forgotten “Blurred Lines” that was so bad Marvin Gaye’s family couldn’t even be bothered taking legal action.

Classy-sexiness – Taiwanese star Show Lo wants to take Gain on a date so he goes to a restaurant at an agreed time.  Silly move – obviously Gain isn’t going to be into such gentlemanly normalcy.  After he waits for three hours and realises he’s been stood up, Show Lo finally gets the balls to ring Gain who is still at the hotel with her handlers.  She reveals that she stayed at home on purpose and locked herself in her room, to get him pissed off enough to storm into her hotel, break the door down and commence some classy-sexy action.

March 20 2014 – Gain – A Tempo

Song quality – some slow jazz bullshit.

Classy-sexiness – listen to the composer talk about the song at 1:47.  He pretty much came out and said straight to her face “Gain, you dig rape-play, we all know it, I gave you something different to do here because your’e always with the fucking rape, rape rape rape, that’s all you ever think about, what about something nice and sweet and romantic for a change, give the rape thing a rest, can you do that just for one feature track, fuck”.

March 11 2015 – Gain – Paradise Lost

Song quality – basically rubbish, ponderous “epic” wank of extreme turgid self-importance, designed mainly just to give music critics something to write about.

Classy-sexiness – themes of Christianity run through the video, and Christianity is a religion that approves of and condones rape, so the classy-sexy quota is once again reached with ease.  We also definitely know it’s classy-sexy because the video features a cameo from Hwayoung, which I’m sure Gain didn’t consent to, because who in their right mind would?

March 12 2015 – Gain ft. Jay Park – Apple

Song quality – more absolute bullshit but at least it’s short.

Classy-sexiness – the visuals are pretty hot with Gain’s ass bouncing around on that bicycle seat and she definitely didn’t get enough votes in the latest Kpopalypse ass survey that’s for sure.  However the classy-sexy draw here is the lyrics and that “don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t, do do do do” refrain which is probably what she makes all her sexual partners say.

June 3 2016 – Gain & Minseo – The Sound Of You Coming

Song quality – a fantastic song wasted on an OST where only three k-pop fans will listen to it.  This official version is shortened, full version here.

Classy-sexiness – IF GAIN IN VIDEO=TRUE THEN CLASSY-SEXY=1, ELSE 0. In fact I was going to skip this song completely but just threw it in here because most of the actual Gain feature tracks are pretty shit and I didn’t want anyone to think I was a Gain anti or anything.  It’s not her fault she never gets any decent feature tracks to do because people are so busy lusting after her classy-sexy ways that they forget how to write a song.

September 8 2016 – Gain – Carnival (The Last Day)

Song quality – another song that sounds like a crap offcut from an IU album, this time IU’s “Modern Times” gets a low-rent Gain-ification.  Mind you a shit version of “The Red Shoes” is still better than most k-pop so it’s probably her best proper feature track ever.

Classy-sexiness – notice how many of the shots are taken from behind bushes, placing the viewer in the role of the predatory beast, stalking Gain through the forest of bad music and even worse architecture, waiting for the right moment to pounce and administer a classy-sexy encounter, or at least an annoying fanmeet autograph session.  You can decide which is worse.

Jan 21 2017 – Gain ft. Jeff Bernat – Pray

 

Song quality – what a shame that Gain had to fullstop her career so far with this dull mid-paced snoozer.

Classy-sexiness – there’s no classy-sexiness in this one but that’s only because once again Gain couldn’t be fucked turning up in the video.  She was probably well on the road to mental breakdown at this point and wasn’t keen for extended video shoots so instead you get Minho and Jiho doing random stuff and being boring like every other k-pop video ever.  RIP Gain’s k-pop career.


That’s all for this classy-sexy Gain retrospective.  Kpopalypse will return!

5 thoughts on “Kpopalypse presents a classy-sexy Gain retrospective

  1. Gain is even classy-sexier than you think! That “Imi Oneun Sori” song is from the movie “The Handmaiden,” which is 100% about consent and sex (LOTS and LOTS of sex, it’s by the guy who did “Oldboy”).

  2. Pingback: Kpopalypse’s stats, metrics and general bullshit slimy data-mining scunge-bucket post for 2017 | KPOPALYPSE

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