QRIMOLE episode 15: your number one fan

It’s the return of QRIMOLE – question and answer time with Kpopalypse!

Lots of questions.  Let’s get down to it.

In the last QRIMOLE, you said, “Dreamcatcher has a veneer of (mostly) metal over it but strip that back and it’s really just pop music.” What differentiates pop music from other genres? At what point does a song stop being pop and become metal or some other genre?

That’s a really good question and the answer of course involves a fair degree of subjectivity.  The way I look at it is this – if you removed the guitars, what would it sound like?  Ignoring the presence or absence of guitar, pop music tends to have these musical characteristics:

  • Prominent vocals, front and centre
  • The vocals are driving the “catchiness” of the song
  • Adherence to pop songwriting structural conventions (more on common types here)
  • Brevity
  • Rhythm is important, but not more important than melody

Whereas heavy metal, ignoring textural aspects, tends to have these characteristics:

  • Vocals may or may not be prominent, whether they contain melody is also largely optional
  • The rhythms and instrumental riffs drive the “catchiness” of the song
  • May or may not adhere to pop songwriting structures, often at least adds extra parts
  • Any song length permissible
  • Melody is important, but not more important than rhythm.

While I definitely appreciate the guitar in Dreamcatcher’s songs, if it was removed the songs would resemble “pop” more than they resemble “metal”.  Whereas a song like Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs” sounds unequivocably metal regardless of what instrument it is played on, to make it not sound metal you’d have to change the backings of the song to the point where it’s not actually the same song in terms of the riffs that drive it.

Hello oppar! Well I was searching stuff in YouTube but then I have entered his dark web part and somehow, found this:

I believe you already commented about this north-korean “pop” group but, ignoring all the political sea of cancer that they are into, I wanted to ask you:
1. There’s some actual instrumental playing in the show or is just playback?
2. At 2:30 we have a example of pedal point harmony in the vocals?
3. Meet required standards?
Thanks for answering!

Off-topic: Do you let your cat have some catnip? People say it’s safe but i always get skeptic about it.

  1. Absolutely legit live.
  2. No.
  3. No.

Catnip – it’s safe, it’s just a plant (or a plant extract).  About 60% of cats really dig it, the rest have no reaction.  My cat doesn’t mind it but she gets bored of it quickly.  I had a previous cat who used to go nuts for it.  I think statistically male cats like it more, but I could be wrong there.

Is there a song, or are there any songs where you think the vocal wank actually adds to the song, or at the very least doesn’t detract from the song a lot/noticeably?

You’ll see various examples in my best/worst of lists.  I’d say Berry Good’s “Angel” is a great example of a song where the vocal wank actually is deployed appropriately in a way that suits the song.  Because the song is peaking climactically in the backings, the vocals doing that stuff actually fits, and serves the song rather than just seeming like showing off for its own sake.  They do still go a bit too overboard for my taste, but it fits.

Another one would be Minx’ “Why Did You Come To My Home”.

All that going up into the whistle register during the ending really suits the joyous feel of the song at that point.  Oh my god I feel dirty I’m becoming a vocalfaggot excuse me while I go and have a shower and listen to some Slayer.

Only one Apink member is 26. The rest are 20~24. Most of the group is closer to 19 than 30.

The female singer in ‘Cereal – Bakery’ is Choi Hyewon. The band started last year when college students from 단국 University entered a college singing content sponsored by the Korean Broadcasting Arts Promotion Agency.

You can find out more here.

You can see videos of performances of some other songs on their Facebook.

This is in reference to this roundup, and was probably asked in Qrimole because my comments section will block most links.

Wow, thanks for the information on Cereal.  Are caonimas good or what?

I couldn’t remember Apink’s ages, I though they were slightly older.  Readers must remember that with the exception of the ones where I tangenitally rave on, I spend less than ten seconds writing each roundup review.  I really put in no effort at all, it’s just whatever it occurs to me to write.  People shouldn’t put too much importance on it.

I was watching a vlive from loona/odd eye circle and they were reading the comments, and one of those asked for them to wink at the camera, and the girls asked if that gave the fans strength. That specific moment reminded me of this japanese manga called Princess Princess. The story happens in a male boarding school, and since it’s a sausage festival, they give a lot of privileges for a few pretty boys who accept to dress like girls (called princesses) and basically be kind to the other boys, encouraging them in their daily activities. The other boys would freak out if they received even a pretty smile from the princesses and they said it made them stronger and happier. The princesses could not show weakness or anything other than the behavior expected to motivate the boys. This made me have insights about idols in general and how similar are the situations, and I can understand a bit more why people are so hard on the idols personality and even personal life, because they expect them to cheer up normal people all the time? In the case of princesses they still had a whole bunch of privileges tho. Idols only have possibilities, and some of them have privileges?

Every now and again expose articles will surface in the Korean media about how tough idols have it in terms of money and/or lifestyle, and although these articles are mostly very accurate, the reactions within Korea basically amount to “stop whining and suck it up”.  Fans within Korea don’t want to hear it, because as hard as idol life may be, from the fans’ perspective going to school or working some shitty job, they are miserable and hate life and it’s the idol’s job to “cheer them up” so they don’t want to know about someone else’s struggles.  All they see is that the idol gets to have fame and gets to do what they love and even if they make no money and are basically exploited at least they’re doing something that they want to do and signed up for as opposed to something they are obligated to do (job) or forced to do (school, army).  The “Princess Princess” example also reminds me of what happens in prisons, and effectively a prison, a male boarding school, and indeed the working lives of many Koreans who feel obligated to stay at the workplace for unreasonable hours may have much in common, so that might be why we see similar attitudes emerging.  I think that if conditions of living improve in Korea, this type of attitude might decrease.

I can’t help but feel the blatant SM ratfucking…er, I mean “spirited negotiations,” with Girls’ Generation–one of the most famous k-pop groups of all-time–is a borderline disaster for the health of girl groups, overall.

While Girls’ Generation can’t exactly sell like they used to, it seems they are still a very profitable brand, overall. Physical sales, touring numbers/revenue, Blu-Ray/DVD sales of concerts, and longer-term, lucrative CF deals for members remain upper echelon. I can’t find any metrics for merchandise, but from the looks in the crowd during the Phantasia tour, it looks like they weren’t having much of a problem there, either.

How much of this is just the upper management team at SM being arrogant and cowardly, perhaps wanting to squash some uppity broads for getting a little too independent? How much of this is them looking at the “women being over 30 in entertainment” problem? Unlike the Jessica debacle, this war was waged out in the open, with a sizeable amount of Sones and non-fans alike openly wondering what the fuck was going on.

If only major stars like Taeyeon and Yoona can remain (relatively) unscathed, what chances do all of these female idols (even ones in top-flight groups) have on a 2nd or 3rd contract? This seems like a horrendous precedent for female labor. To protect yourself, it seems to me you may have to selectively leak to media to keep SM (or other agencies) on its toes. It certainly wasn’t SM’s side that was leaking stuff like this.

You have commented on this situation a little bit already, but I’d love to get your expanded take on the situation and what its potential effects on other female idols could be.

Girls’ Generation are/were doing fine, financially.  This is precisely why SM are being the way they are about it –  they don’t want to lose one of their biggest brands so they’re doing whatever they can to pressure the girls to stay together and keep them under SM’s control.  Of course, in SM’s case that pressure doesn’t involve just completely above-the-board behaviour but also some underhanded stuff because SM are an organised crime cartel who use mob-style tactics on perceived “defectors” and also to control information are just a bit weird like that for no reason, I guess.  The main takeaway here is that extortion, blackmail and other organised criminal behaviour “spirited negotiations” can happen with any agency, on any level.  If SM can be like this then nobody is immune, but that also doesn’t mean it’s happening everywhere, with everyone.

Do you have opinions on things other than kpop? Because your content makes for a very interesting read and I was just curious if you have other platforms??

I don’t want to get too far away from k-pop, since you’ve asked, allow me to throw down on an important political issue.

While the “overhand” method of holding toilet rolls is generally better for human convenience, the “underhand” method is better for pet owners because a cat or dog can’t unfurl an entire toilet roll with their paws if it is hung using the “underhand” method.

Chad or Jacques?

I don’t know which Chad and Jacques you’re referring to, so I’m going to assume that by Chad you mean “American k-pop star” Chad Future, and by Jacques you mean Jacques Peterson of Arcadey fame and who also works for SBS PopAsia.  Jacques all the way, obviously.

Where do you stand on the political spectrum?

I don’t even know what this question means.  What fucking spectrum, seriously.  I think I have a similar reaction to Ice-T when it comes to questions about this, witness him being asked about the “alt-right”, whatever the fuck that even is.

I’ve read a lot about the alt-right and nobody can seem to agree on who the fuck is in it and what it actually means, plus almost all the people who are supposedly in it say they’re not part of it.  Who the fuck even knows.  Why have these stupid labels like “liberal”, “conservative” etc anyway and put people in boxes, fuck that.  It gets even more confusing because I’m Australian and I assure you that “liberal” means something completely different over here to what it means in the USA.

Over a year ago, I was taking my break at work where there are two other coworkers taking theirs. This was in the morning, so Coworker A naturally said that he’s tired. Coworker B tells him he should drink some coffee. A says he doesn’t like coffee, doesn’t like the taste. B then tells him that’s why he should keep drinking it. Eventually, he’ll get used to the taste to the point where he would be numb to it. Not loving it per se, just okay with how coffee tastes at least. This analogy really got to me and I think about that conversation time and time again.
It recently occurred to me this might explain why boring songs get so popular in South Korea. They keep hearing these ballads over and over that their senses have calmly accepted the songs.
Am I reaching, or is it possible Koreans take their coffee shop ballads like they take their coffee?

I think you’re onto something here.  For anybody going through university, there’s a potential thesis in this.

From your latest roundup, you said Doyoung & Sejeong’s “Star Blossom” is less boring than typical coffeeshop songs because it’s in 3/4. I don’t know much about 3/4, 4/4 thing (i forgot what it’s called) except the hand movement (that hand movement a conductor does in a orchestra, i don’t know what it’s called in english) between 3/4 and 4/4 are different. How do you notice it and what kind of differences? I asked because i kinda obsessed with this, beside it has Sejeong, it sounds pleasant (reminds me of some old technicolor movies i love) while not too boring. I initially expected you to hate this as usual but kinda surprised with your review.

Well let’s slow down, “hate it slightly less” isn’t really very high on the scale of compliments.  Just that the use of 3/4 is unusual for Korean pop so it makes a slight difference.

4/4 means four beats to the bar and that’s the common rhythm for most popular music.  3/4 is three beats to the bar, which is the common rhythm for waltzes.

You’ll notice a 1-2-3 count happening in the rhythm of the waltz above.  It’s more obvious as the piece gets louder (such as from 1:22), in the quieter sections the musicians are playing “flexible time” to some degree, which is something that doesn’t really happen much in the pop music realm.

The conductor’s hand movements are really there to keep the orchestra in time and to cue certain sections.  A band with between three and six people usually has no problem keeping in time with each other and working out where their parts are, but once you get to the size of a 52-piece orchestra, just one person being out of time can really fuck things up and cause a chain-reaction train wreck of even more fuckups as the other players try to “adjust” to the mistake.  A conductor prevents that from happening by keeping everyone moving to the “reference rhythm” that they’re indicating with their baton, and the conductor also keeps their eye on which instruments come in at what times.  Not all instruments are playing at once, but are stopping and starting depending on their individual parts, which are all different.  The conductor has an eye on that and will indicate to certain players when it’s their turn to play.  This is because in a large piece where certain players might only be required for a small portion, it’s hard to count 73 bars of silence exactly and then remember exactly where to come in especially if it’s a piece that you might have only had limited time to rehearse as a full group.

have you ever seen jyp composing so hot, and what do you think about the process

Well he’s not actually composing it then and there.  He’s already “written” the song, and he’s just recreating how he programs it into a keyboard for demonstration purposes.  When you “write” a song, you’re really writing it in your own head.  It’s a good demonstration of how programmable workstation keyboards work, although there’s been some edits here and it’s actually a little more time-consuming than he’s making it look.  SO yes he’s good and certainly knows what he’s doing but he’s not that good, he probably didn’t write the whole of “So Hot” in just seven minutes!

I was wondering:Since you’re teaching, do any of your students know about your existence on this blog?

Most people who know me personally know about the blog, although I don’t know how many of them read it I’m sure there’s a few “lurkers”!  I do mention that I write it but I don’t go to any effort to promote it with the people that I know outside of the Internet because I don’t think they would care about it.  Some of my students definitely do know of it.  They probably don’t give a shit though, they’re into western rock music, not k-pop.  If someone has an interest in k-pop or asks about what I do I will tell them about it but I’m not interested in forcing it on people.

To me, Yehana from Pristin seems a little like Raina. You should check her out in the official Instagram for Pristin.

Nah, I’m not seeing it.  Sometimes she goes with some of the hairstyles that Raina also uses fairly often, apart from this I don’t see a clear correlation.

You once ever said that Korean Pop was actually the best pop genre because of how oversaturated it is. I forgot in which article though. Do you still think the same with the current situation of Kpop? I used to snort at your claim about Kpop have the best pop music songs. But, when I did start to keep up with the western and my country’s pop songs, I kinda notice how dull and almost sound the same the songs are. I used to complain that kpop start to bored me with their tropical shithouse music. But then, I listened to that katy perry swish swish song, and some selena gomez song, and just regretting that I even curious enough to look into other pop music. But, still, do I just exaggerating here? Am I just becoming a koreaboo for liking Kpop music too much?

I think it still holds true today that k-pop is better than pop in other countries (on average) just because there’s more variety (on average).  For instance yes the tropical shithouse trend is really big right now and a week doesn’t go by without a comeback like that appearing lately, but even at its peak there were still lots of other types of songs coming out too.  Because the business environment in k-pop is so fiercely competitive, everyone is trying to get an angle on the competition, and being the best at the latest hot pop trend is part of that, but blowing someone away with something completely different and new yet still pop and catchy is part of that too.  This has nothing to do with Korea as a country specifically, this could be happening anywhere, it just happens to be happening in Korea because of the unique combination of cultural, market and industry forces there which have worked together to make it happen as such.

Oppar, why are religious songs inherently so bad? Is it the nature of them being usually slow? Perhaps the message?

I used to go to this temple where they have the songs composed in like midi shit, and my parents wondered why I didn’t like the songs.

I think that with religious songs, those of any religion, in any genre, they are generally poor because the music itself was a secondary consideration for the songwriter, the music isn’t supposed to stand up on its own without context but is there to push the religion.  Whereas someone just writing music for its own sake, the music is the primary consideration, so more care goes into the music itself and making the music high quality, rather than thoughts of “how can I create this music in such a way that it glorifies my chosen tooth fairy the most effectively”.  I’ve got nothing against people making religious songs or whatever in the name of their tooth fairy (better that than setting off explosives and machine-gunning people) but I find it really hard to think of good examples that are as compelling or more compelling than non-religious versions of the same type of thing.  I always feel like I’m listening to a “diet” version of whatever genre it is when I’m listening to religious songs.

I know you’ve already addressed the popularity of innocent concepts, both the dogwhistle pedophilia kind and the puberty nostalgia kind but does it work in terms of this movie trope?:

It makes sense to me but I’m pretty dense about this stuff

Firstly, I’m going to add the T-word to the list of words banned on Kpopalypse blog.  Let’s all stop using the word “tro*e” immediately, thank you.

Secondly, I wish people wouldn’t ask questions that require me to watch a long-ass video to answer.

The video is a bit stupid anyway, it’s like “here’s a thing where this thing happens, and it happens all the time, except when it doesn’t”.  Which sums up pretty much all of the TVTropes website content if you ask me.  To save my readers 18 minutes of their lives, science fiction stories often have naive women as the love interest for the main character so the (presumably nerdy and male) viewer can identify with guy and feel all (relatively) all-knowing and powerful and shit, like she’s “just for him” or whatever, and the fantasy probably makes the real-life insecurities of many science-fiction watchers a little easier to swallow.  Insert gender theory wank and some bullshit about the patriarchy here.  It’s fairly obvious why this exists.  Science fiction is fictional and it’s also catering to a popular demand for a certain type of thing.  The market is pragmatic, these stories exist because people want these stories to exist, if they weren’t popular they wouldn’t sell and people wouldn’t make more of them.  As long as there are people who feel insecure about themselves, there will be fictional stories that cater to fantasies of power.  The fictional stories aren’t the real issue, the issue is what’s actually causing the insecurity that makes such badly-written crap interesting to people in the first place.  Of course the video doesn’t go there.

Is there an analogy to k-pop?  Maybe with some of the “never been kissed” kind of stuff, sure.  Just basic virgin fantasy “I want her only for me/I want to feel special to her/powerful/etc” male stuff, you don’t need a thesis to understand it.  It’s annoying and lame and I wish k-pop was more mature about these things, but then I wish k-pop was more mature about a whole lot of things, that doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen, and there’s no harm with a fantasy anyway.  It only becomes an issue when it starts wrecking lives – either the lives of the girls lumbered with being forced to live up to this crap, or the lives of the guys who are deluded enough to confuse fantasy with reality and think that this is how the world really works or that their real relationships are going to conform to some impossible ideal that will never exist for them.  Of course for every girl who is bothered by this there’s another one who can profit from it, and for every guy who is led down the pied-piper bullshit path there is another who can see it for what it is and separate fantasy from reality.  I don’t think there’s really a problem with any of it.  It’s up to people to decide who they want to be.

So, recently Yoona graced the red carpet turning a few heads with an interesting dress choice.

Pretty, pretty good.

However, my pro sillz at deducing truxfax is lacking in comparison to the master of all things idol body parts. What is going on here? What kind of sorcery is this? Is this dress design the ass equivalent of your horizontal lines for the boobs? Has Yoong just been doing a THICC ASS workout routine, and we are seeing the glorious results? She looks so lean normally I halfheartedly considered ass implants? A deep dive investigation is clearly needed.

Also, could this lead to the highest jump on your best of ass list? This seems like a glaring oversight for such a thirsty group of caonimas.

How old is Yoona these days – 45?  63?  Trust me, she’s got some ass, because as women grow so does their ass.  Ask any woman about her ass size and she’ll tell you that it’s bigger than you think it is.

look at the poverty rate for old people in korea and australia. why does your government hate old people and can you see this in your daily life

The Australian government hates old people because we’re stingy cunts and don’t want to pay for their retirement.  Yes there are a lot of poor older people in Australia, you can see them on hot days crowding shopping malls just hanging out doing jack shit because they can’t afford to be home and run their air-conditioning.  Can’t comment on Korea as I don’t live there but I’m gonna guess and say that as Korean culture emphasises youth and beauty so much old people probably just get fucked in the ass in some terrible way or just forgotten about because nobody cares.

Hello Oppar!

I wanted to ask a question about something you’re probably completely fucking sick of hear about by now, but honestly I live to make others suffer through shit they hate.

My question has to do with idols who are credited with stuff related to song production like lyrics, arrangement, music, etc. (Note: I’m going to use examples from a lot of groups whose stuff you dislike because honestly, I cbf to find examples from groups you like since I don’t really listen to any of them that much.)

When these idols are consistently receiving credits for production related things, but they’re someone like BTS’s Rapmon or Suga, and they basically have credits on every album (sometimes even for every song on the album), release mix-tapes, and even have some background in the underground hip-hop scene before becoming idols, and they can talk more in-depth about the experiences that inspired the lyrics and what specific references mean in context, etc. do you think it’s safe to say that they actually are writing the lyrics/music and arranging their songs themselves, or at least doing so for significantly larger portions than idols that don’t get credited for these things as often? Is it likely that they actually do have people making this shit up for them and they’re just regurgitating a script? Wouldn’t that be a lot more work at that point than just letting the idols do this shit for themselves or just blatantly telling them to fuck off and only crediting them for co-writing the occasional song so they can have that producer cred without putting all this extra work in?

Now, even saying that someone like Rapmon or Suga is more or less likely to actually be doing the work just because of their previous history in the industry, what about someone like VIXX’s Ravi or Seventeen’s Woozi, who don’t really have any credits before debuting, but a while after debuting (and in Woozi’s case even on basically every song on their debut album, if I recall correctly) start receiving more credits for lyrics and composition? Again, in Ravi’s and Woozi’s case, these idols can talk a bit more in-depth about their creative process, what inspired them, how they made the song, etc. They aren’t giving vague statements that usually indicate the idol had fuck all to do with the writing process except for a word or two and that the credit is basically for show only.

In a similar vein, even though you probably don’t know as much about this specific topic, do you think idols who receive choreography credits, like SVT’s performance unit (mainly Hoshi, but occasionally Dino, Jun, and The8 as well), are actually doing the work, or do you think they are getting ghost choreographers (is that even a thing? It probably is.) to do all the work for them and then the company just pays them off and sticks their idols name on the credits? I know that sometimes these idols will talk about where they got the inspiration for the choreography, but usually not as much, partially probably because not as many people give a fuck about choreography as about lyrics and music.

To be clear, I couldn’t give less of a flying fuck if these artists actually are doing what they claim or not. It’s not like I know these people personally or have anything invested in the answer. If I like a song or dance, I’m going to like it whether Rapmon or Woozi wrote it and Hoshi choreographed, or whether each person hired fifty other people to do it all for them and then basically had their company pay those people off so they could stick their name on the credits.

I’m basically only asking because K-pop is contrived as all hell and, to a certain degree, prides itself on just how fake it is. So when someone claims to be the real deal, it catches my interest mainly because I’m curious about just how much bullshit they’re spewing and everyone is lapping up, and how much of it is likely true.

On a side note, I have a theory that sort of relates to this that everyone who likes K-pop and isn’t in it solely for the music, or that isn’t a delusional, die-hard, “I’m going to marry Oppar/Unnie/Hyung/Noona!” type fan, actually only likes K-pop because of how fake and plastic it is, and that, whether consciously or not, we all kind of view it as the biggest inside joke that ever was and that we’re all in on! I could be wrong about this as people are all varied and have different reasons for why they like the things they do, but I feel like this is probably at least a small part of the reason for pretty much all of us.

Beyond all that bullshit and nonsense above, I just wanted to say you’re doing a great job, even if you don’t like my faves. (How dare you! Cao Ni Ma! Jk, jk.) I look forward to many, many more years of these high-quality articles/blog-posts/whatever the fuck. They’re fucking hilarious!

I’m sure that some of those male idol rappers do indeed write their own lines.  I mean, it’s not that hard to write a fucking rap line if you’ve got some degree of intelligence, really.  Especially when it comes to writing rap lines to “pop” standard as opposed to “hip-hop” standards, most people can clear the “pop” bar with little effort.  I think there’s too much deification of rappers in general, it’s just not that fucking hard to do, really.  Confidence is 80% of it.

Your other observation is more interesting – I don’t think that people would spend the time that they do and go to the lengths that they do physically/mentally/financially all over an “inside joke”.  Sure there are a certain nerd crowd who do find k-pop funny (remember the real secret of the international YouTube success of SNSD’s “Gee” was that it went viral for a while due to its sheer cheese factor) but they will laugh at it and move on, once someone starts diving deeper if they’re still there after a month I think it’s safe to assume that the “joke” element is over and they have actually formed a genuine interest.

Thanks for the explanation regarding composing vs arranging credits – I’m now curious about the difference between arrangers and producers. What does role does each play on a track?

Arranger – decides which bits go where in a song

Producer – decides how those bits sound

Often the arranger is the producer, but more commonly, the composer and the arranger are the same person and the producer is someone else.  The bigger the production is (financially), the more likely that these roles will be handled separately.

I know there are songs you initially dislike at first and then grow to like them later (MAMAMOO – Piano Man), but are there any songs that you liked at first and then after a time of listening, say a year or so, grew to dislike them?

It’s rare but it happens.  Not a complete 100% change of opinion but some songs do wear down after a while, usually because I just get sick of the sound.  For instance I really liked Sistar’s “Loving U” when it first came out but due to Sistar then recycling that same sound for the next 625 summers in a row I don’t now find that track as interesting as I once did.

What keeps Kpop companies from giving their artists “proper” disbandments?

They’re worried that they’ll devalue the brand that they’ve created.  Just my guess.  I think they’d rather that brand power gradually trickle away than vanish all at once.

When agencies are open about disbandments, it’s usually because they’ve got immediate plans that they’re moving their marketing power over to.

I moved schools recently and became very close with a girl in some of my classes. Last night, she texted me that she has had a crush on me since we met and that I was the reason for her recent breakup. I like her a lot, but I don’t want to be public and my dad always tells me I should never date my friends. Any advice?

Well she’s not your friend anymore, it’s now gone beyond that.  Also, if you’re not public about it, she might take that as an insult (“are you ashamed to be with me because I’m ugly/stupid/[fill in the blank]?”).  I’d strongly suggest going public and take your father’s suggestion more as a “wishlist” than a “direct order”.  Your Dad is just looking out for you because he probably knows from experience that going out with someone at school and then breaking up will them make school awkward as fuck if you still are forced to see each other a lot.  Also he probably doesn’t want you to get her pregnant (understandable).

What ever happened to 12″/dance/club/extended/etc. mixes?

They still exist, but k-pop doesn’t really have a thing for them because vinyl isn’t huge in Korea.

Ok, I don’t even know where to begin..
Hi oppa! Idk why I am seeking answers here, as you’re not a relationship expert or whatever, but I guess I needed to just talk to someone, and particularly someone who does not know me. Drink a coffee or sth, it’s gonna be long.
So here’s my story: in 2015, I met a guy in Korea (I lived there for a couple years) who’s 10 years my senior. He’s French, just like me, and we immediately got along, and everything kinda happened very quickly: we settled together, traveled to a lot of places together, hung out together every weekend, etc. Until we finally got engaged (ok, that was mainly for legal reasons…). But then, I had to go back to France because I am still pretty young (at the time I went back, I was 22) and had to pursue my studies. Meanwhile, he stayed in Korea, because that’s where he works. And from that day on, our relationship (which became a long distance relationship) went downhill till the day he finally decided to break up with me. It was pretty hard for me, because I was 300% invested in that relationship, but I could feel I was the only one to do everything to make it work and that drove me nuts. He dumped me in May, by « ghosting » me. I was supposed to join him in Korea for the summer, but 3 weeks before my flight, he wasn’t answering my texts anymore – I had to force him into telling me that our relationship was over. So I had a pretty rough summer vacation, stayed at my mom’s house and literally cried the life out of me until today.
Now I moved in a brand new city, I have a job as a marketing assistant, I am doing a master’s degree in a renowned business school – everything seems perfect. But I still miss him (moreover, our engagement anniversary was last week).
And the tricky thing, is that I feel really attracted by my manager, at the office. He’s actually younger than my ex-bf but he’s so much like him. And I know it’s bad, because having a relationship with your colleague (and more importantly, your manager) is the dumbest idea one can have, but I’m also afraid I’m shifting my affection to that guy because he is so similar to my ex-boyfriend. And now, I can’t stop thinking about him! The worst part is that I can feel that he kinda likes me…? I don’t know, but there is definitely something going on with that guy, that I don’t have with other guys.
So my question is, if you were me (and I know you would not want that) what would you do? Try dating other guys so that I can forget both my ex-bf and my manager? I am actually running out of options.
Ps: I am sorry for my bad English…

Actually, not the longest question of this Qrimole episode, heh.  And as usual with people who apologise for bad English, your English is fine.

Forget your ex, clearly he is a douchebag.  The entire first half of your story is irrelevant, he’s not coming back, you’re not going over there – it’s a done deal.  You know this.

Banging your manager would be good but only if the relationship stays together.  As soon as you break up, bye bye career.  I wouldn’t risk it, as you seem to be in a good spot for now, why mess things up for yourself.  If he’s got similar qualities to this other guy I’d take that as a serious red flag.  Keep it pro.

Well, since on episode 14 of QRIMOLE you shared your thoughts on ten korean ballads that don’t suck, could you do the same for album tracks? I know I’m being that one cunt that always brings up fucking k-pop albums and I know you hate it, but could you do it anyway, pretty please???

PS.: I would be down for a top30 non feature tracks instead, seeing as you’re now out of feature tracks for your usual lists (if you’ve even tackled god awful dark ages tracks, this one would be a breeze)

I’ve thought about doing a list, but then I thought to myself that for the list to have any worth, I’d have to listen to EVERY k-pop album.  I don’t have the time to go hunting for good tracks in the sea of shit.  It’s not that there aren’t good album tracks, it’s that they’re rare and finding them is too time-consuming.  Maybe once my Patreon climbs over $5000 per month I can quit the rest of my work and have time to focus on this.  Until then the chances of me devoting attention to album/non-feature tracks in any way that would satisfy you is very small.

You know, in the last QRIMOLE, I submitted, “why u such a bitch.” I thank you for your reply, and I will consider it deeply.

It’s all I ask.

Why do you dislike R&B, Funk, Soul, etc so much? Could you answer with a musical approach? Is there any exception?

This will be covered in a dedicated post at some point in the future.

Dear kpopalypse

  1. Since the KPOP industry have many unnatural methods to their perfomers, why has not someone passed a law or changed something? The world is global, but barbarous stuff is still allowed. (like the stuff that happened to Chocolat). In certain cases, some things are not okay regarding human rights.
    Is it, because the korean government is supporting the industry due to the international economy competition or people just do not care, because too young or/and they love drama? I am really surprised about that, because K-POP seems to be an international thing regarding audience. Which is baffling, since other industries are smaller, but they have many strict policies and protections.
  2. Why is the korean military important to korean citizens? Some celebrities get some nasty comments, when they don’t go to the military due to injuries like tendon/bowstring problems since birth.

I want to thank you for your quality articles, because it is really enlightening. I didn’t know the creepiness about the industry. It is like my experience with the HangSeng. Furthermore, I want to apologize for my english grammar, since english it is my 5th language and I only casually listen to KPOP, for example Dalshabet and Shinwa, thus my knowledge is not big in that department.

Yours sincerely

a reader, who is currently living in Austria

First question – laws have been passed but the k-pop industry have their hooks into organised crime which has its hooks into the government.  So while you can expect laws to come into play, don’t expect any serious actions stemming from that.

Second question – because there is an armed forces draft in Korea and every man has to serve.  Many citizens are already jealous of celebrities, the fact that sometimes they don’t have to serve in the military is just kind of rubbing in their own relative failure.  Never mind that celebrities may have legit reasons or may be actually physically prevented from serving by the armed forces themselves.  Truth never matters when people with a vested interest in expressing their jealous rage want to bash celebrities.

This isn’t kpop related, but how do I stop caring about how shitty the adult world is? I have no say in politics or the economy or our foreign policy, and even though brexxit passing is a lovely reminder of our votes not being rigged, it all feels so pointless to care about any of it. Yet, I can’t help feel sad watching the news, I feel so bitter and resentful over things outside my control.

Then don’t watch the news.  Seriously.  I stopped watching all TV about 15 years ago and my happiness and mood levels improved greatly as a result.  Anything that’s really critically important, someone will tell it to you, everything else isn’t relevant.  You don’t need to know what is happening in the world at all times in order to live your life.  That’s not to say watching the news is bad for everyone but if you’re getting no enjoyment out of it and it’s not useful to your life in any way, why put yourself through it?

There was a time where Red Velvet released the MV for Red Flavor and the members fucked up the choreo. How do music videos still have mistakes? Like, comebacks cost a lot of money especially with the MV production. The Red Flavor one was so obvious and I just don’t get how the staff could not see it. This is a production from a big company. Doesn’t the editor watch the MV like a couple of times before he finally renders the whole thing?

Well the editor might not know what the choreographer knows.  I don’t know anyone in the field of film editing who also has a choreography background.  To me, I didn’t see the mistake because I just thought that’s how it was supposed to look, I didn’t know that the live dance had that detail different.  If it was a dance that was already well known, that’s a different story, but remember that the editor is probably seeing the dance routine for the very first time when he’s actually doing the editing.  The editor is also probably not a fan of the group, it’s just his job, so he’s not probably keeping tabs on all the steps and how they’re supposed to look.

have you ever dissociated while watching a kpop mv?

I don’t know exactly what you mean by this.

Hey! Fellow conservative here. I see that you watch Blaire White videos.  Do you watch any other right wing youtubers?

I don’t agree with everything Blaire White says but I do (sometimes) enjoy her v-logging technique.  A lot of k-pop v-loggers could learn a lot from the way she presents her material.  I wouldn’t call myself a “conservative” (see above) and I don’t even really know what “right wing” means as what constitutes a “right wing view” seems to vary a lot depending on who you talk to.  It also seems to vary a lot from one country to another.  For instance the supposedly “right-wing” party in Australia is pro-gun control and are the same ones who brought in Australia’s really tough gun control legislation (which remains universally popular and completely uncontroversial here to this day).  So is gun control left-wing or right-wing?  I don’t even know.  Who cares anyway, why does it matter which box we put things in?  Fuck these stupid labels, man.  People should learn to think for themselves, but I think a lot of people wait until they know what the officially designated label for a political view is and then decide if they agree with it or not.  “I’m a conservative therefore I have to believe x, y and z because those are conservative views” – no, you’re allowed to make up your own fucking mind about shit.

Although I wouldn’t pin a “conservative” label on myself, I guess if you’re asking who I watch who is a self-described “conservative”, I think Ben Shapiro is great to watch, because he’s so articulate.  Again I don’t agree with everything he says, or even most of it (he’s deeply religious for a start, which automatically puts him completely at odds with whatever the fuck I am on all sorts of issues) but it’s interesting to watch him articulate his positions in ways which a lot of other people with the same beliefs completely fail to do.  It definitely helps me to gain an understanding of that kind of mindset that I never got from his peers, and I also really like it that he talks really fast because I have little patience.

fucking liked that hotline miami recommendation you suggested in your last survey post. any chance we may get a post of some of your favorite video game music?

Actually I turn the music off when I play video games so I have no idea what some of the music in my favourite computer games even sounds like.  Minecraft’s occasional post-rock noodling actually really suits the kind of game that it is, but it always breaks my concentration a bit.  In the 1980s I had a Commodore 64 and I really liked some of the music in those games.

What could have made Wee Woo and We like from Pristin better? Better arrangement or ……?

Just a bit more fucking melody would have helped.  It’s hard to get behind a k-pop chorus that is all chanting and sound effects.

What do you think of Taeyeon’s song Stress in her first album.It has a nice n fadt beat.Tell me oppar!!

It’s boring.  There you go, hope you’re happy you waited a month for that.

isn’t nine muses Rememeber then EDM or club??

Fuck man, it’s just k-pop, okay?  We don’t have to categorise everything.

Almost all k-pop is EDM anyway as EDM just means Electronic Dance Music, nothing more or less.  I don’t even know what “club” means as a genre.  Music that you play in a club?  Hell, you can play anything in a club, if it’s the right sort of club.

Wassup, oppar? I’m just wondering… have you ever been offered a job that pays very well (like US$160,000 per year) but gives you almost no time to dedicate yourself to your personal shit?

Not that well, no!  But yeah people who make lots of money do tend to sacrifice a lot of free time and basically live their jobs.  I’d struggle with that.  I’d have to give up this blogging stuff I do for a start, which I would refuse to do.  Unless the blogging was the actual job, but I don’t think anyone would pay me that kind of money to blog even if I sucked Johnny Noh off three times a night for the next year.

Why do kpop fans love to mention the company basement?

Why is the company always dragged when in some cases it was simply bad luck or the idols’ fault?

Usually with company decisions that we don’t like, the “who is at fault” question is really deep and complicated, and not usually as simple as “the company are scum” or “the idol is a bitch” or whatever.  I’ve posted about this before but I probably will again soon because it’s probably a topic due for an update given how many things have happened in k-pop recently.

tvxq fan of… uh. too many years here. i lost count.
when tvxq split, the fandom also split: in 4.
1- people who think that tvxq are flawless baby angels and jyj are literally hitler (very common)
2- people who think that jyj are flawless baby angels and tvxq are literally hitler (a minority these days but they were rampant at 2009-2010)
3- people who think that both are flawless baby angels because they were perfect as 5 and sm is literally hitler (also very common)
4- people who like both and don’t care about the split reason much because its not like we’ll ever know what really happened
I consider myself to be in the fourth category. I like their voices and they’re hot people who make me laugh. I was quite upset with the split back in 2009, but honestly both sides seem to be doing quite well so as long as they’re content I don’t care much.
why the FUCK do people think they know everything…? I can’t follow a tvxq blog on tumblr without seeing anti jyj posts because they “betrayed their group”. I can’t follow ot5 blogs either because its all “sm are LITERALLY satan and they KILLED my HAPPINESS and TORE a FAMILY apart” like… chill? sm obviously isn’t jesus but… we… still have no idea why the split happened (not to mention that sm are the sole reason that tvxq were a thing in the first place.) I don’t understand the rage. I don’t even call myself a tvxq fan these days because of this. (not even starting on the yoochun case, fuck that shit, the fandom split in three quadrillion on that one.)
welp. yeah. thats was the question. why do people claim that they know what happened when they really don’t at all?
BONUS question: why do groups usually split/disband, especially when they were at their peak? this question isn’t specifically about tvxq, its just something I noticed.
thank you for taking your time of day to answer our questions! means a lot. have a nice week~

It’s the nature of the Internet that by giving everyone a voice, people feel like they suddenly have a venue to spread their “worldly wisdom” and that’s fine if they actually have that wisdom, but not so much if they don’t, and not everybody can tell the difference at all times.  I see it in my Facebook feed and so forth, people talking about all types of shit that they may or may not know anything about!   I think in a lot of cases people don’t know everything but they wish a certain thing were truth so they just repeat it a lot because that’s comforting and don’t entertain any other options.  I saw plenty of that during the T-ara scandal where everyone was convinced that T-ara were the bullies.  I knew who the real bully was, but do you think anyone listened?

Your bonus question is addressed here.

It’s been a while since i’ve seen your cat. Hows it doing?

She’s great!  (This question was obviously asked before the Siwon post.)

On BTS Pied Piper the lyrics are credited to Rap Monster, Suga and J-Hope and a couple of others. They often talk about whose ideas and lines were whose, but it’s usually pretty easy to tell who is primarily responsible for a song without the credits. Rap Monster tends to be the one making literary and mythological references, so this was probably his idea originally.

You wouldn’t actually need to do a kpopalypse interview to get the kpop dirt from BTS. It’s already on their albums.

In The Most Beautiful Moment in Life pt. 1, Skit: Expectation, Jungkook says his dad asked him about filing for tax deductions because he has a song credit and they laugh and give him a hard time and say he doesn’t need to worry about it since they don’t make any money. They had already sold 300,000 albums and had a minor hit with Boy in Luv at that point.

On Love Yourself Her, Skit: Hesitation and Fear, Suga said that “the hardest thing for me is that going up is going up. We worked hard to come to where we are. But compared to that won’t falling down happen so quickly? I worry about that a lot.” And on idols image: “we’re just people that are presented after being wrapped up nicely” and Jimin “it’s not like we’re trying to deceive people and lie … we’re just always trying to show them our good sides”

There’s lots more like this on everything from idol diets to anxiety and depression. Maybe it’s part of why they’re popular.

I guess this is in reference to the BTS content of the previous Qrimole, but I’m not sure what you’re actually trying to ask me here, so I have no idea what kind of response you want.

A general observation: it’s not that unprecedented for idols to turn the lens on themselves with their songs, the most recent high-profile example being Twice’s “Likey” which is actually not what it initially appears to be at all, and a reasonably dark and introspective piece of work for a k-pop song.  With certain artists and labels there’s definitely an awareness that the audience does indeed know “how it is”.  After all with so much information now being available about the realities of idol life (partly thanks to yours truly but I’m far from the only individual talking about this), why try to hide it?  I think some people are realising that there’s much empathy to be gained from honesty and that this in itself can help form a connection between artists and fans as effectively as any of the other stuff that these people do.

Okay so do you know any good K-pop mp3 website downloaders I have tried even one of them and I can get the song I want it’s driving me crazy Please help me out I really want new music please help me find a Kpop music downloader website. Please only let me about K-pop website to download for free K-pop song to download .
cuz me storage is running out and I have to keep deleting my music after a Bluetooth it to my tablet as my back up for my music we’re all 449 K-pop song are .
please only K-pop website for downloading only

You’re deleting your own songs and you want me to help you find more?  What is this ass-about logic?  “I’m starving because I burned all my food, please now give me food” – what?

I’ve started attending to university this year and staying at the unidorms because the campus far from my home. So far everything is going well with my roomate, however the problem is her bestie who stays in a room right next to ours: She thinks we’re super close to each other even though it’s been like two weeks since the classes started. She’s always there whenever I’m in my room. She leaves her stuff in our room and sometimes on my side of the room (especially her trash) She always barges into the room without knocking the door. What made me really frustrated is that she brought her 1-day old bf into our room and slept with him on our couch. I may sound like a control freak to you, but is it that ridiculous to care about privacy? Do you know how should I deal with this girl? I’m in torn between telling this to my roomie or letting it go, because I don’t have any guts to share this except you oppar. (Oh btw she’s an ARMY and she started talking about how BTS is the most (Kpopalypse approved offensive word) or successful group ever after I told her I didn’t like DNA. Hahaha)

Stop being a pussy and just tell her to stop spreading her vag juices all over the couch.  She’s got her own couch, right?

Okay so I have this friend who is gender fluid which is like whatever, I don’t care what people choose to call themselves. Personally I think the whole non binary conversation going on in America is bull, and she’s mad at me because I made jokes about it with her before I knew? But like I wouldn’t have made those jokes if she had said something. Also, I told her I respect her thoughts on being genderfluid and she can live her life and do her, and I’ll call her by the pronouns she wants. I also said that it doesn’t mean I’ve changed my thoughts on the conversation on non binary, but because I respect people and think everyone should live the way they want so long as it doesn’t harm others, it doesn’t matter what you call yourself no matter how bull it might be. Anyways, since then she’s kind of been ghosting me and I’m kind of like ???? I respect your choice? But suddenly my opinions on gender can’t be respected back? I mean everytime with this friend we cannot have a constructive conversation without her basically trying to say that if I understand her I should agree with her. I can understand a concept without agreeing with it though? And all the time if she feels like she’s not being validated, she just gets mad, and it’s kind of ridiculous now. It’s not even first time we’ve fought over political things, which is so dumb, because I have no intention of ever fighting with her. But apparently me saying “it’s just my opinion” somehow takes away value from their opinions (there’s another friend involved) and is dismissing what they’re saying. But like, I’m trying to say that’s just how I view the world and everyone views the world differently? It is JUST my opinion! There’s another friend too involved in this and I love them but everytime we have a discussion it often feels like it’s me vs. them in anything political, and I never say anything but honestly I feel disrespected and isolated when they do this. I don’t understand why we can’t just agree to disagree. I don’t have to agree with their views or perspective of reality to be friends with them, and I should be allowed to say it’s just my opinion because it’s really just that, and it shouldn’t have to be a big deal. When did we get to a point where having differing ideals of the world meant you couldn’t get along? Why do I have to respect their thoughts on political/societal issues but they don’t have to respect mine? It feels like I’m spending a lot of time coddling their opinions and talking around mine, when we should all be able to clearly state what we think, shake hands, and move on. What is a loyal caonima to do? Thanks for Qrimole. Does suck that I have to wait a wholeee month to hear back, but I hope it’ll be worth it. Please give me advice! P.S: if your gf has any advice on how to handle in fighting between sisterhood, do add. Much appreciated!

I paraphrased this entire thing to my girlfriend, but I got some of the details slightly wrong (I got “sisterhood” wrong and thought you were talking about literal sisters, so she started talking about “sisters fight because they’re sisters, not because of any political issue”).  So then I invited her to read your question.  She saw the length of the paragraph and went “fuck that” and walked out, hahaha.  However in terms of the general issue she said that “that’s a crock of shit, it’s basically just enforcement of belief” and that your friend was being “like a feminazi”.  As for what to do about it, I know she maintains friendships with several people, many of them who have beliefs like this, and I think she’s just blunt and honest with them.  They might not like it, but where’s the problem if they don’t?  I don’t think you have any obligation to tiptoe around people’s feelings any more than they do around yours.

People who believe in this crap tend to be assholes about it sometimes because as they feel that their position is the “more tolerant” position, that this magically bestows on them the properties of tolerance, which then absolves them from having to exercise any actual tolerance when sharing that opinion or dealing with any dissenting opinions.  In this way, political correctness is intolerance disguised as tolerance.

I really like your advice you give to your caonimas about self confidence. May I also ask you for some of your wise words? Ever since I’ve started, I haven’t gained the confidence I always dreamed of in the past. People always tell me to be more active, more confident, more out going if I want to be successful. Which I want to be but I just can’t stop being so shy in front of other people. What should I do oppar, should I let it go and enjoy my own company or gain some courage to look at other people’s face?

Enjoying your own company is a good start.  You can’t expect anyone else to enjoy your company if you don’t enjoy it!

Activeness, confidence and being outgoing are all three completely different things, and they’re not necessarily directly related.  It’s possible to have any combination of these.  I’m not outgoing at all and I’m only moderately active at best but I’m extremely confident and can do a lot of things easily that other people freak out about, such as public speaking in front of a large audience.  I’ve met people who are way more active physically than I am but also have crippling shyness, you don’t get more confident simply by going outdoors more, or lifting weights or whatever.   Confidence comes from within, this means that introversion is actually a great tool for building confidence, if you let it be.  If you look deep within yourself and find who you really are, then there’s no reason not to feel confidence about it.

To put it another way – over the last couple years I’ve played various venues with bands where the audiences ranged between 20 people and 700 people and at no point through any of this did I experience stagefright.  I haven’t felt stagefright since I was maybe 13 years old.  However I probably would experience at least some nervousness if I was drastically underconfident about my rehearsals, if I felt that I wasn’t on top of the material or didn’t have a good understanding of what I needed to do when onstage.  It’s the confidence in my abilities that makes me feel like I can handle any situation.  I think you can apply that logic to anything else in life.  Just like it would be hard to be confident if I didn’t know my shit musically, it would also be hard to talk to a girl at a club or whatever if I didn’t have good self-knowledge, or it would be hard to succeed at business if I didn’t have good knowledge of the business systems I work with.  That doesn’t mean you have to be expert at these things, you don’t want to be someone who is endlessly delaying and uses practice as procrastination – but if you’re feeling like something is missing, take responsibility to fill in the gaps as much as you can, then get out there and try and wing the rest.  You’ll get better with time, and each time will give you more lessons and more confidence to go back to.

That’s all for this episode of QRIMOLE!  If you have a question for the next episode, ask it below or if no question box appears, use the Qri link in the sidebar!

19 thoughts on “QRIMOLE episode 15: your number one fan

  1. Seriously, stop watching the news (especially politics.) It was one of the best decisions of my life. I realized 98% of it is irrelevant chatter, and someone will mention any approaching hurricanes. I’m much happier, and have much more free time!
    “I think some people are realising that there’s much empathy to be gained from honesty and that this in itself can help form a connection between artists and fans” – This to me is one of the core charms of Gfriend; their up-close, personal videos are just them interacting and having fun, and it’s compelling to watch!

  2. Speaking on the person who was friends with the non binary person, because it’s really bugging me. Thar friendship was over the second she found out the person basically thinks of people like her. Basically talked behind her back without realising it. A lot of lgbt+ people who don’t readily appear as such can attest to people just kinda like showing what they actually think when they think they won’t suffer the usual consequences they would have if they had said it to their face knowingly.

    Even if she really really wanted to keep that a friend and wasn’t a “femanazi”, and if they didn’t basically hammer home they were only doing certain things to superficially please her and not get into fights over it, it still wouldn’t work. Say if they never discussed anything of the sort and went back to just doing friend things. She would unconsciously stop confiding in them and keep them at an arm’s length because she won’t be sure what parts to show and what parts wamt to hide so the person doesn’t end up hurting her by hearing her rruthful. I’ve seen it and experienced the “we can still be friends!” situation too many times to think it works, especially in cases of like this. And she can’t really tiptoe around subject like that. That isolated, disrespected feeling ? She would have felt it wordlessly whenever they hung out becuase the friend is a constant reminder that people who think like her are accepted or free to just bee themselves.

    Opinions and feelings may mean nothing in a grander scheme of life but they are everything in a relationship. A friendship isn’t a political debate, she is going to have an emotional response to personal things like that. If she didn’t, she either doesn’t care all that much which raises questions or truly the most tolerant angel. Unfortunately, common ground in belief kind of needs to be there because it’s far too close to home for her.

    I’m also really hoping she and her are her preferred pronouns. That kind of utter disregard for her pronouns and when she isn’t there to set the record straight would be something she would probably worry about people doing behind her. Paying her lipservice but going ignoring her wishes elsewhere.

    • These gender-fluid whatevers are just making up and borrowing terms from an actually oppressed group of people (LGBT). They just want to be in this group by making shit up.

      • Sorry if this sends multiple times. Anyway, ignoring the fact that you probably don’t get write off genderfluid, nonbinary people like that for many reasons (one being that many of those individuals tend overlap into other catergories of the lgbt+). It’s stand to reason that we better not sitting around trying figure what is true and what isn’t or trying to figure out what goes into lgbt+ and just concentrate on removing the shitty behaviour ingrained in society about gender and sexuality so everyone benefits; and we won’t have discuss whether genderfluid is a thing because all that weird shit that makes us care and judge so much will begone.

  3. “Feminazi” is such a funny word. It’d be interesting to see an explanation as to how nazi ideology (which, you know, included a nasty part about women that said that they’re lesser beings who are only good for the reproduction of the white race) and feminism (an ideology about considering women as autonomous, competent human beings) are related. Don’t tell me yr girlfriend thinks that a group of women being vocal about their resentment of horrible life experiences due to misogyny and their hatred of men due to trauma is in any way comparable to white people torturing and killing everyone who wasn’t a white man? Really, if she thinks feminism is annoying and dumb that’s whatever, but she should refrain from using dumb buzzwords.

    Otherwise, this is a good read. Thanks for writing it.

      • Sssso suggesting that someone reflects on the terms they use because it makes them sound like they have no idea what they’re talking about in a comment on the internet is policing. Nice.

        Just… consider not associating feminism with nazism in any way? I’m aware some feminists have said a load of bullshit, but it has nothing to do with white supremacism.

        Does a person saying “boohoo I dislike being categorized as this crap gender because it has associations that fucking suck, I wish I was another thing” and getting mad at someone because they disagree over something imply they’re some kind of nazi? No, we’re all absolutely free to get mad over opposing opinions. That’s not “enforcement of belief”. The person who sent you the ask can always get new friends if that bothers them.

        Also, relevant: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance

        • The term “feminazi”, like all stereotypes, didn’t become popular by accident. Clearly there’s a BIG perception among many people that feminists behave like nazis in some ways. I don’t think too many people are thinking that feminists are literally shoving men into ovens or arguing for the superiority of the white race or whatever (although I’m sure a few are), I think it’s more about the general patterns of behaviour and the didactic statements and ideas that come out of radical feminism. Consider that “nazi” as a term has evolved these days to become a catch-all adjective for people who try to control what others say, do or think. If you say to someone these days “oh you’re being a nazi” it often just means that you think the person is being too controlling or whatever.

  4. To whomever gave you the OECD link, thanks! Cool site for data. Although somewhat bewildered how i haven’t run across it before.

    Bonus datapoint: my cat is female and ignores catnip.

  5. I think your answer to the person with the gender fluid friend misses the point. People can have their own options about whether or not the government spends its money well or if building more roads is a good idea or etc. But when a person tells someone else “I like big tits” and other person replies “ok, sure I’ll let you say that, but haha it crazy to like tits, I mean most people who think they like them are delusional,” it is not just a difference of opinion. It is a difference of opinion about what person A feels, and maybe it is crazy individualism, but I’m pretty sure person A gets to make this call — they know what they feel way better than person B. Thus I think the person with the gender fluid friend needs to understand that by saying that being gender fluid is bull, they are saying that their friend’s feelings are not real. Having someone tell you your feelings are not real sucks.
    I suggest the reader start by understanding that this is where their friend is coming from.

    • Actually no, you’ve missed the point beyond recognition. The gender fluid thing isn’t “what government spends its money on” (it’s actually especially not that since the genderfluid person could or could not get surgery that they pay for themselves), it’s not an opinion “I like big boobs”. It’s how this see themselves, their belief in very identity and how they are going to live from now on. You can’t look down on that, make jokes about it and reject the very existence of that – and still expect to be friends with those people. The closest thing I can think of is your friend belittled your dream job you had finally attained and then when you properly discussed it, they dug the whole deeper and made very they thinks it’s dumb and weird and for people that didn’t make sense. It could be dumbest, weirdest thing but that conversation is basically the end of that friendship.

      If this was about trickle down economics, breaking a friendship over is dumb.

      If it was about liking PS4 over Xbox, that would be dumb.

      If it was about the person’s VERY PERCIEVED IDENTITY, there has to be base level of acceptance or that friendship is over. No one wants to be friends with people who don’t accept who they are, let alone belittle it to their face.

      People siding with the writer on “oh, that is wrong for not wanting to be friend anymore” is trivialising it. You don’t have to even believe it exist, that’s it’s a big deal and what side of the fence you’re on can impact how you interact with who are believe themselves to be.

      I didn’t even know about it since maybe 3 years ago? but just seeing the way people fight for it and talk about it and, suffer for it both phyiscally and economically – that’s not something you can push to side.

      It was so obvious from the very first few lines, “these people are going separate ways, and that’s probably for the best”.

      It’s not political thing, it’s

      • Ok, one – there is so many grammar mistakes in this, goddamnit. It’s early (for me) and I miss disqus so much.

        Two, I gues there’s a cut off point in the amount of characters so disqus wins again.

        End of sentence, *its a deeply personal thing

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