Why you shouldn’t likey likey “Likey”

How can you celebrate Twice’s new song “Likey” with a clear conscience?

Is there something wrong with you?  Huh?

Apparently this dude died in a car accident.

I don’t even know who he is, but he was in some K-dramas or something.  I don’t watch K-dramas or cover K-dramas on this blog because they’re all shit and I don’t have time to watch even more utter garbage that fucking sucks after looking at all the k-pop videos for the week, but that doesn’t mean that this guy deserved to die.  A light spanking from Jeongyeon would have sufficed.  Why are you being all happy about Twice, don’t you care that some guy died.  What’s wrong with you people.

Jine from Oh My Girl also had to leave her group because she was diagnosed with anorexia two years ago and she still hasn’t sorted that shit out.  Anorexia is a tough mental illness and is hard to deal with, it takes a long time to fully recover from that shit.  Jine trained longer than any of the other members of Oh My Girl and had to give up on her dreams.  But no, just celebrate Twice like you don’t care.

This dog of Siwon’s fucking bit some old lady and she died, isn’t that fucked up?  Why aren’t you in mourning about this?  Can you not stop celebrating Twice’s new song for one fucking second and think about some lady’s pustulent leg with septic scabs on it?

Hate to drag your selfish ass away from Twice’s new song for one fucking minute of your precious time, but this fuck allegedly got classy-sexy with a 14 year old 30 years ago or something.  Now thanks to Kev probably getting his rapey on, my girlfriend is pissy because the upcoming season of House Of Cards got canned because the network didn’t want to run some show starring Mr. Rape-o, plus she doesn’t know how to feel about him anymore cos she always found him kinda hot but naturally she doesn’t now want to stan Rapey McRape-Rape.  Thanks Kevin Spacey for fucking everything up for my girlfriend you dickhead, next time stick to watching Gain videos and stay off the piss.  (By the way he’s also gay, he’d really like you to know this.)

See this house?  Nine dead bodies were just found inside it, but you don’t care because it’s in Japan, not your precious Korea where Twice are.  I guess if it was the nine Twice members found dead inside eskies covered in kitty litter stashed by some 27 year old Japanese psycho, then you might possibly start to care.  Just go on and celebrate “Likey” because this doesn’t affect you.

Did you know that there are people who are hacking farmers into pieces over in South Africa right now?  Of course they’re not doing it in time to the beat of “Likey” so you don’t care about this.  Fuck, you’re not even reading this, you’re too busy looking at Jihyo shaking her boobs.  I could write anything here and nobody would read it.  I’ve been playing a lot of Kamihime Project R on nutaku.net lately.

Actually there’s brutal torture and ethnic cleansing happening in many different parts of the world right now, all because some people are deemed to be the wrong skin colour or worship at the altar of the wrong tooth fairy.  I guess you’re waiting for someone to send you a Twicetagram about it before you start giving a shit.

Did you know that 105 people die each minute?  Why are you celebrating Twice’s new song when there’s so much death?  Do you think it’s good that people die?  If not, why aren’t you constantly in mourning?  Why is everyone happy when I’m always miserable and thinking about these things?

Fuck it, it’s no use.  Why can’t I get people to hate on Twice?  Isn’t it enough that they plagiarised, staged a coup in Taiwan AND can’t sing?  I paid all my school classmates $2 each to downvote their videos and left as many hate comments as I could.  What more do I have to do?  Gosh, being a Twice anti is hard, nobody understands my pain.

Look at this picture.  The balloon is whispering sweet nothings into her ear, telling her how to best torture her struggling anti-fans with each new success.  That yellow thing in the background is a repainted obelisk from “2001: A Space Odyssey“, it used to teach apes how to use basic tools, now it’s giving Twice the secret power of perfect chart performance and all-kills.  In her right hand she holds a caonima plushie, representing dominion over Kpopalypse, while in the left hand the turtle symbolises the mental slowness of haters.  The message is clear.

It hurts to admit it, but the battle is lost – Twice have won.  I know when I’m beaten.  I might as well just learn to likey likey “Likey”.

17 thoughts on “Why you shouldn’t likey likey “Likey”

  1. The more I see Twice, the more I think JYP is a total pervert.

    Also, the British House of Cards original is way better than the US version. By now, it’s a period drama too.

  2. Like in every Kpopalypse fiction, the old fan dies first. But this time, there were two old fans and what happened? They both died first. How can people possibly enjoy Twice’s new song while old fans are slaughtered in horrendous conditions in fan camps? Is this the world we want to live in? The world we want to leave for Sana, the one with the yellow shirt in the first pic?

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