It’s that time of the week again – Kpopalypse roundup time! Let’s check out this week’s new releases!
Taemin – Move
If this song was a League Of Legends game, the drums and synths are the solid botlane who get no credit and the vocal melody is the Yi who wanders all over the map solo, constantly feeding the other side.
Highlight – Can Be Better
It’s okay I guess but nobody is fooling anyone that idols are this clumsy. I’m sure they all have ultra-sharp fangirl-dodging reflexes.
JBJ – Fantasy
There’s a good song in here but it just plods too fucking much. Kpopalypse recommends play at 1.5x speed!
BTOB – Missing You
Those “walking across the desert purposefully-yet-casually” scenes are second only to Girls’ Generation’s “All My Love Is For You” in terms of awkward MV staging.
The Unit – My Turn
This video really drives home how shit female dance routines are compared to male dance routines given that you get both of them in the same song. For chrissake let the girls move a bit, damn.
The Unit – Last One
It’s impossible to find the official video for this anywhere so here’s some weird butchered version which totally wasn’t worth the effort for me to find.
A.C.E – Callin’
This is actually good. I love it how they try to make it all look Christian but it just ends up looking like LSD. Also if they’re going to make “happy hard” breaks their thing I’m totally here for that.
Kim Nayoung – But I Must
When a song begins with that stupid slow tinkling up in the ultra-high register of the piano that nobody uses properly except Jerry Lee Lewis, you know it’s a fizzer before the singing even starts.
EXO – Power (R3hab remix)
Like almost all remixes, inferior to the original, but I thought you might like to know that a “Power” remix album exists.
Solar – Alone People
You know the song is boring when even the guitar solo does nothing. Where’s Dooly when you need him.
Solar – Autumn Letter
She might have shit music but Solar is pretty easy on the eye. Those surgeons did a great job.
Marmello – Can’t Stop
Okay so for those who remember my PRS rant from last week, well here’s how to use one properly.
Kris Wu ft. Travis Scott – Deserve
Kris Wu has been making a solid effort all year round to feature nice and high on my worst-of list for 2017. I’m not sure if I can turn him down with entries like this.
The Ade – Unreal
More boring shit. It never ends.
JeA – Only Without Me
It’s easy to pick on the people in the comments who don’t know who JeA is, but watch the girl in this video take about a whole minute to do what a DJ can do in about five seconds. This song is pretty dull too but it does have a touch of the MBK ballad style about it buried under the layers of fucking shit.
The Barberettes – Fall Is Coming
The term “indie” is such a lie. This supposed “indie” group doing a crap ballad sounds like every other group doing a crap ballad.
Seventeen fans seem to love it when I shit on their faves for some unknown reason, so I guess I’d better review these other two Seventeen songs to make them happy
Seventeen (performance team) – Lilili Yabbay
It’s great how they include the tropical squelch noise right before the song even starts so you know straight away to not listen further.
Seventeen (vocal team) – Pinwheel
I don’t hate this group or anything, I want them to have good songs just as much as any fan of theirs. Seriously who the fuck is writing their generic bullshit songs though. They’re straight up just not making any effort. Seventeen aren’t the worst group in k-pop or anything (that would be CSJH The Grace, for reference) but they’ve just been so incredibly meh so far. This is actually one of their better efforts believe it or not.
Just a heads up that caonimas are recording all of Han Seo Hee’s livestreams
Subscribe to this YouTube channel for serious caonima action.
Some more shit Japanese k-pop songs that people wanted me to review, fuck knows why
A-JAX – Romeo
It’s pretty dull, but then most of the Korea songs this week are dull too so whatever, I suppose it can go here.
Insoo – Naked Love
I like the guy who is obviously a patriotic Turk and just wrote “TURKEY” in the comments. If only he knew how right he was.
SPECIAL BONUS RETRO SONG
Rainbow – Gossip Girl
Everyone expected me to throw this in my worst of the Golden Age post but it didn’t even get a dishonourable mention. I actually think it’s alright. Sure, by 2011 standards it was pretty shit and those ultra-high tone-generator sweeps are a bit ill-advised (this is a pop song, not Whitehouse you clowns) but apart from that there’s not much wrong with it and if this came out anytime after 2013 it would have been received fairly favourably by Kpopalypse blog.
That’s all for this post from Kpopalypse – more roundup next week!