Kpopalypse roundup is back!  Let’s take a look at more new releases!

Almost no new Korean pop songs of any worth came out this week, so the radio was a special show which was non-Korean language tracks only.  However two new releases did get played:

Lay – Sheep

I really tried to discern some kind of meaning and I can’t.  Other than he’s obviously a “China sheep” what is he actually talking about?  This is more confusing than Kris Wu’s “Juice” and that’s saying something.

Twice – One More Time

Fuck what it sounds like, Jeongyeon is playing a Flying V.  That’s all my bias list needs to know.

…and here’s the BONUS SONGS:

Stray Kids – Hellevator

It must be shameful for Day6 that some boy group that doesn’t even have guitars in it is allowed to do songs that rock harder than them.  They need to have a band meeting about this.

SVT Hip-hop team – Trauma

Some hip-hop team, are they for real.  This is about as hip-hop as Willie Nelson.

Dreamcatcher – Trust Me

Not sure why they made a video for this boring mini-album filler ballad but it least it still has Dreamcatcher’s signature distorted guitar in it so that’s something

Aoora ft. Will – Slay

What do you expect from a song named after a slur word.

Seokman Cheon – Don’t Wake Me Up

I don’t think there’s any threat of this boring song waking up anyone.

We Are Young – The First Moment #2

How can it be the first moment if it’s #2?  Get your shit songs with titles that make no sense and fuck off.

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Sorry that was a bit short, but really, nothing much came out so here’s some…

SPECIAL READER REQUESTS

Jaehyo & Naoko Tanaka – Bus Stop

Just another filler ballad like any other but I’ve heard you Jaehyo fans have a thing for glasses so this probably meets required standards anyway.

CLC ft. Ilhoon – Chalisma

That bit at 0:35 where Ilhoon turns around and all of CLC feel really embarrassed is so self-aware, it’s great.  I’m pretty sure I made a few fangirls feel this way at KCON.

Jenyer (aka Jiyoon, ex-4Minute) – Hello

It was pretty obvious when I went to see 4Minute that the two Yoons were carrying them musically, and the other three were just there to dance and look various shades of cute/sexy/whatever.  That doesn’t mean this song isn’t boring though.

Hwang In Sun – Rainbow

This isn’t a great song or anything but is notable just because it’s the most “old” that any modern female k-pop star has allowed themselves to look on camera.  Rest assured that all the girls in S.E.S look just like this without the 57 layers of SM Entertainment “youth technology”.

Rolling Paper ft. Serri – Polaroid

Some interesting sounds here but good sounds do not make a good song.  Roly Poly sounds better on harmonica than Lifted does on electric guitar.

LOL what is this

It was hard writing my “best of the Dark Ages” list, because most of the early k-pop is forgettable stuff like this that isn’t even recorded properly.

Lee Hyeyoung – La Dolce Vita

No, I didn’t forget to include your faves, they just weren’t very good.

Lovelyz – Take Me Somewhere

I’m not wild about this Lovelyz song but I’ll still take it over anything else above.

SPECIAL BONUS RETRO SONG

miss A – Touch (Chinese version)

We already know that the Korean version of “Touch” is brilliant, and 99 times out of 100 I couldn’t give a fuck what language a song is in, but this here is one of the extremely rare examples where the difference in language actually makes a difference to my appreciation of the song.  Cantonese is a yucky-sounding language but Mandarin is great, girls talking in Mandarin always sound to me like they’re trying to talk while gargling jizz.  When singing the effect is amplified, and when singing a song that breathes pure sex as much as “Touch” does, it’s really the perfect combination – this is music that you can fap to without even watching the visuals, and the girls from miss A never looked or sounded hotter than at this moment.

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That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!