Yes, it’s back – Kpopalypse roundup is here again! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
U-Know – Drop
I thought it might be something different due to that orchestral thing at the start but turns out that’s just a video intro and the actual song is the usual boy-group yolo lite.
Changmin (Max) – In A Different Life
Better than the other TVXQ-related effort this week though. Let’s stop sending Koreans into the armed forces if this is what happens when they come back.
Dia – Seoraksan In October
This lesbian dog-whistle is really quite bold for Korea, pity about the song being some sub-Bob Dylan crap.
P.O – Menz Night
Is it true that people think this is “that Bruno Mars’ sound” these days? A whole bunch of funk musicians who OD’ed in the 70s are turning in their graves.
Bolbbalgan4 – Some
It’s pretty obvious to me why this group are successful right now when all the thousands of other boring groups in Korea who sound just like them are not. They’ve actually got their formula down pretty well now, and this song is decent. Also a pretty girl with a blonde bob goes a long way, just ask FNC. Most of the other coffee shop groups are fugly to the max.
Bolbbalgan4 – Fix Me
Their other song isn’t quite as good but the blonde bob is better here, I like the curls better than the straight, this is important.
B1A4 – Rollin’
We’re well into spring/autumn now but unfortunately we’re still going to get “tropical” comebacks from any group that hasn’t already had one yet.
Day6 – When You Love Someone
JYP seems determined to make Day6 Korea’s Coldplay. Yawn. Can we have some actual rock music from this group please?
Royal Pirates – Hasta La Vista
Oh jesus fucking christ. Even the rock bands are going tropical shithouse now.
Idol School – High Five
This is basically the Ramones but with k-pop girls and acoustic guitars, complete with the same cringy lyrics.
K.will – Nonfiction
One of the feedbacks from my survey was that people wanted more technical discussion of songs but there’s really nothing to say about generic ballad #5982 that wasn’t already in my ballads post, so just go and read that each week if you really care about why I hate this bullshit music.
Nada – Trippin’
Nada’s producers shove what would normally be a basic yolo rap song right over the edge and almost into Squarepusher territory, which is pretty fucking cool actually.
Paul Kim – The Road
He looks so sorry for himself. Don’t you just want to slap him.
Los ft. Jay Park, G.Soul – Bad
Lots of focus on shiny new automotive vehicles in rap music videos usually mean that the song isn’t worth a shit.
Eric Nam, Cheeze – Perhaps Love
At least it’s short, although I’m sure the album version is twice as long as this.
Mackelli – Crush On You
This has so many layers of syrupy vocal that I just want to bash bricks up my ass. I don’t understand the connection between those two things and I don’t care.
Ahn Seung Hun – Better Than Some
There has to be a fuckton of furries in Korea given how many videos like this keep cropping up.
Ants & Serri – Blue
These two have so much plastic surgery going on that I have trouble working out which shots are of them and which ones are of the kids.
Ovan – Clicher
Look at this woman celebrating and it wasn’t even a strike, she left one pin standing. She must be pretty noob to get that excited over nine pins down, she’s clearly about as good at bowling as Ovan are at making music.
SVT Leaders – Change Up
Seventeen probably should take their own advice and “change up” their sound a bit from this boring crap.
Ogon – Let’s Fall Asleep Together
Oh come on. That song title is doing my work for me. Talk about taking the fun out of this.
Nasangdo – Get Up
I don’t understand what the fuck is going on in this video but the song isn’t bad… I guess.
Radio9 – Soundless
Mad Soul Child & Chung Chae Woong – Fate
This is a better ballad than most, actual contrast and dynamics go a long way. Don’t ask me about the crappy MMORPG scenes though. They always make MMORPGs look so exciting in the pre-rendered cutscenes but once you start playing it’s “collect ten severed walrus penises, go to guy with exclamation mark hovering over his head, repeat 57 times, go the next guy, collect 12 snail vaginas, repeat 39 times” etc, how fucking boring. How do people play these for their whole lives.
SPECIAL BONUS RETRO SONG
Super Junior – Mr. Simple
Sure it’s an inferior retread of “Sorry Sorry” just like most Super Junior songs back then, but you have to hand it to whoever organised this choreography for giving that little intro part to Shindong. There’s nothing like putting your best foot forward.
That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup for this week – more next week!