The Kpopalypse 2017 survey of caonima action – the results!

Read on for all the juicy results of the 2017 Kpopalypse survey of caonima action!

A whopping 656 loyal readers completed the latest Kpopalypse survey!  Let’s get straight into the results!

Question 1: Hi! How are you? Answer in as much or as little detail as applicable.

Gosh, there were some troubled caonimas this time around.  I will do my best to address your concerns.

I’m good. After 2 years of living in a new city, after moving for a job, I finally stopped being a hermit. Got myself a girl who may or may not be my girlfriend, and I finally starting to develop a Social Circle. It’s awesome, I forgot what it’s like to have people in my life. I mean, I had friends before, but I only saw them via voice over Xbox, text message, or phone calls. My job is going well, and I just got back from spending a couple days in Korea, which were a blast. Right now, the main source of stress in my life is from my kinda girlfriend. The ambiguity of relationship status seems to be causing some tension, as well as the fact that because of our jobs, we don’t get to see each other very often. Hopefully we can find a way to bridge these gaps.

Relationships only need to be defined if the people in them want to define it.  Sometimes a relationship with no official title means less pressure, which is usually a good thing, however communication is also what keeps relationships alive.  If she’s the one who wants to keep things ambiguous, don’t push it – she’ll come around (or not) when (if) the time is right.  On the other hand if it’s you, you might want to ask yourself what you intend to be doing with your life in a few years and if you see this person in the picture or not.

hey!
a bit worried, since i’ve just turned 22 and i have never been in a relationship bc everytime someone likes me it produces a feeling of repulsion in me i can barely talk to them without feeling ill, so im trying to accept the fact that im probably dying alone.. but im too cute to die a virgin?? it’s hard. i tried quitting kpop to see if idols were the problem but it didnt work. also im on my last year of uni and i don’t have any goals or dreams so yeah
im kinda surprised you liked april’s take my hand
hope ur doing great

Take k-pop back up, it’s not the problem.  If you feel repulsed by someone who likes you, that could point to low self-esteem (“how could they like me if I’m such a bad person, there must be something wrong with them, yuck get them away from me”), or maybe it doesn’t.  Fuck I dunno.  I’m not a shrink, I’m just some guy.  Don’t worry though it’ll work out.  If I can get laid, you can.

Just lost my home, had my belongings stolen and lost friends whilst in college.

Giving me realization that people are cunts and I no longer give a fuck what they think nor say. I just go onto the next task.

Then you won’t give a fuck when I tell you that not giving a fuck is good, but that doesn’t mean all people are dicks.  There are nice people, they just take a bit of effort to find.

Take a coffee break instead of reading this one

I got attacked by a dog today and i now have scratches on my leg but he was happy after he jumped and barked at me so i got to pet him so it’s okay. And on my other leg I have scratches from kittens going at war on my knee so now I have matching battle scars. I just hope i don’t get blood poisoning and die but hey then i don’t need to read your blog anymore so maybe that wouldn’t be so bad anymore haaaaaa so funny to insult the person who made the survey haaaa so original i know thank you thank you.

It seems like your punishment for insulting me has already been administered so I won’t troll you further.  If you’re still alive to read this, thanks for doing the survey!

Sore. I went rock climbing (indoors, because I am too lazy to actually set up ropes and such) today, and my muscles are protesting. I’m getting stronger though! So this is good.

I’ve been a bit of a funk for the last few months — I’m just not doing my work. I mean, I’m doing the things they tell me to do at work, because those are easily broken into chunks and haven’t been my life for years, but I’m not working on finishing things from my dissertation. I think I’m scared to actully face it down. I know I need to let it go. But it is hard! You’d think that since I actually wrote a dissertation and graduated and all I’d be able to handle it. But I guess I’ve regressed?

Dissertations are tough but don’t worry help is here.

I’m hungover as shit and dont know why I thought filling in this survey would make me feel better

Me neither.  I don’t drink, but when my girlfriend is hungover she says eating fast food helps, try that next time.

I’m very stressed at the moment and feeling kind of lonely. Just started grad school at a college where I don’t know anyone and I’m feeling pretty isolated. It’s hard to make friends since it’s hard to interact with anyone outside of the classroom since they’re either 1. undergrads who I never see or 2. working. I’ve also been trying to keep in contact with my friends from undergrad but they’ve spread to the four winds all over the US so it’s hard to keep up.

Also, I am still working through a breakup with someone I dated for my entire undergraduate life and lived with. I sometimes wish we had never dated so that we could still be friends but he lives on the other side of the country now and I probably wouldn’t be welcome in talking to him. (Any advice on this btw? I miss him as a best friend and wish we’d never dated so we could still be in each others’ lives. I harbor no ill feelings towards him as the breakup was mainly initiated from my side; I was seeking independence as I’d been with him my entire collegiate career and wasn’t happy with feeling tied to him as I’d also fallen out of love with him at that point. But I was someone he hoped to marry and settle down with so by breaking up with him twice (we broke up when he graduated and moved away but then tried long distance for a couple months after a few months break) I probably messed him up pretty badly. I really miss him as a friend but don’t think he wants me back in his life despite him saying he’ll always be there for me if I need it. I lost a lot of my friends when we broke up since they were mainly his friends first and I came in to the picture a little late.)

Sorry. It’s a silly story to send to you but I needed to get it out. I haven’t really talked to anyone else about wanting to reach out and talk to him but I think that I should wait a while longer. If, later, I still feel like contacting him then do so but I believe it’s still too early to do so now and that I should let him have his space and heal now.

Anywho, hope you’re doing well yourself. Thanks for listening, mister. It feels good to get it off my chest.

I’d probably just cut ties completely.  I agree that he won’t want you back, at least not at this point.  Make sure he knows how to get in touch with you and say “the door is open if you ever want to resume a friendship”, and then leave it at that.  That’s your best chance of him coming around at some point in the future, which may or may not happen.  In the meantime, just move on with things.  You’ll eventually meet new people who will help you move on with it.

I had a dream about you last night, actually. Basically you got fucked by some female alien but she left before you could even cum cause she was unsatisfied by how small your junk was. Other than that, pretty okay.

This answer made me check my bedroom for hidden cameras.

Rant incoming, sorry in advance: Great if you don’t count trying to get over this guy, while secretly hoping he’ll come back to me even though I know it’s all just wishful thinking and we are not good for each other. Did I mention that we are both also seeing other people and every time I speak with him I have to fight the urge to tell him I wish we could have dated? Did I also mention that in a tipsy moment of weakness I confessed that I still had feelings and he thought it was cute at first, but then since I was not in my right mind I kept saying more stupid things and made it awkward by being a little too dramatic? And I thought being in my late 20’s this stuff would get easier.

Relationship drama getting easy doesn’t come with age.  It comes with fucking up a lot and surviving it and then looking back and thinking “well that was fucked, but I learned stuff”.

I’m good. My period was late, and I’d had unprotected sex for the first time, so I was FREAKING OUT that I might have gotten pregnant despite my IUD, and would have to get a fucking abortion in China (because I already live here). But THANK GOD, that sweet uterine lining starting flowing today, and I don’t have to tell a guy I’ve just started dating that he has to pay up for an abortion. Good day, man, good day.

Kpopalypse advocates safe sex for all caonimas!

Hi! Last time I answered here that I wanted to kill myself. I’m doing much better now.

Great to hear!  For those of you who answered that you wanted to die (quite a few of you), know that shit gets better if you stick it out.

I am Ziltoid the Omniscient. Bring me your finest coffee!

Better go get your planet smasher because idgaf

I’m really proud of myself. As a first year university student, I decided to step out of my shell this year. I ran for student council and won. Also finally had the hour long conversation with my parents to drop biology. I can’t believe that they actually accepted me taking a stand and choosing to not pursue medicine. I suppose that I was able to demonstrate my passion for political science and they’ve allowed me to pursue it now. However, Law school is now my “goal”. I’d love to actually go into politics, but I think I should wait to have that conversation with them. Baby steps. (my asian parents believe that politicians are either corrupt gangsters, or get killed off by corrupt gangsters).

Your Asian parents are correct!  Given the choice between those two options, just for self-preservation’s sake I’d recommend being a corrupt gangster.

Dearest oppar, I waited so long for this survey to come out so I can thank you kindly for helping out in your previous survey. I don’t know if you’ll remember this but I’ve asked you what can I do about finding a good university without losing large amounts of money (or if I should give a fuck about people whining at my decisions) and you advised me to find a university who can provide both education and scholarship. Now I’m attending a university I have always dreamed of thanks to you! So I’m grateful for what have you done for me and anyone who thinks you’re a selfish cunt can suck a llama’s dick! 🙂 Will support you on Patreon very soon!

Glad I could help!  However students times are often hard times financially – while I do appreciate all Patreon donations very much, don’t put yourself out of pocket for necessities.  Wait until you get that high-flying corporate caonima job before subscribing to Kpopalypse!

I’m fine, but dying in college. I’m taking a full 19cr load because my dad thinks my courses are “weak” and thinks I don’t have enough work. I love all my classes, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just a LOT of work. I haven’t been sleeping properly since 2 months ago; I function optimally with 8 hrs of sleep but I just can’t sleep for more than 6 hrs and it’s frustrating me.

Hi, I’m doing great. And it’s all because of kpopalypse’s round ups. THANK YOU, they’re so fucking convenient, I don’t even have to access (trigger warning) ALLKPOP to find out what’s being released anymore. Ever since I stopped accessing that pile of shit, my sleep patterns have improved and my skin has gotten clearer. I can’t thank you enough

Glad to improve the quality of your life!

Recently moved into a new city for a new job, everything’s really cool but I still feel awful because my brain is broken. I’d probably be doing better if I told this to someone besides kpopalypse

I have reposted this here so now technically you have told this to a few thousand people per day for the next week.  Hopefully this helps you do better.

im about 6/10 good. And you? I’m sad cos my partner of 1 year is probably gonna move to the other side of the world to his home country in the coming months. Our relationship is great and I’m pretty sure he loves me back just as much, but he hates his job here and seems to want to go back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Not much you can do about this unfortunately.  People have to live for themselves first and foremost.  I’d practice emotionally detaching yourself a little now, so that when the time comes it’ll be an easier transition.  Seems like you’re already partway there if you’re travelling at about 6/10 even though you know that this is a likely outcome.

Im doing pretty great. School started and since im a piece of shit that doesnt know how to vent i started smoking a lot (not A LOT lot, but its starting to get way too expensive) and ive began to smoke weed a lot. Whats kinda shitty is that ive always laughed at stoners but now im slowly becoming one. So now im in the process of cutting off all my stoner buddies and i started taking AP language lessions (english is not my 1st language). So id say that things are looking up.

While I’m not against people doing whatever substances of any type, the problem with smoking is that it tends to lead to not much else except more smoking.  Also yeah it’s expensive.  I don’t know how people afford to smoke.  All the homeless people I see smoke, being homeless must be a rich occupation if they can afford that shit and I can’t.

Sad af because Hoya left Infinite but that useless wooden log Sungyeol stayed. Also lowkey worried about climate change and the end of the world, but what else is new.

Spolier alert: the world won’t end in your lifetime.  But even if I’m wrong (which I’m not), there’s still even less you can do about that than Infinite’s lineup.

Hi oppar. How i feel is a mixed bag right now but I guess that’s just life, we can only try to be grateful with the good things and work to improve the bad things. The person I love is in pretty bad shape right now and it’s making me realise how powerless I am. Of course I can’t magically make everything okay for us, but I wish there was a way to know I’m making the right decisions / doing or saying the best things possible in the situation. I hope I can get through this and emerge as a stronger person.

Ultimately they have to take care of things themselves.  You can be there for them and that’s about all.  You can’t blame yourself for their misfortune any more than you can take credit for their success.  Just do what you’re able to do withint he realms of what’s possible and don’t beat yourself up over it if things don’t work out.

I’m pretty good, just unboxed my latest shipment of tropical shithouse and I’m proudly blasting it on my speakers. My neighbors came over to tell me that my music was shit and that I should listen to real music like jazz.

Tell them that AIDS doesn’t cure cancer.

Ready to jump off a bridge, im writing my senior thesis on kpop and i just realized its fucking annoying to write about academically. Your blog is the only thing giving me sustenance.

Honestly k-pop is a goldmine of writing, you just have to narrow your focus.  Don’t try to write about everything k-pop, pick a certain thing, or a question you want to answer, and hone in on it with the determination of Yoochun entering a women’s bathroom.  You can do it!

I am good, thank you.
I love the last answer to the next question, it’s hilarious. I’m going to assume that similar hilarious answer choices will be there in the rest of the survey?

Yes.  By the way, my questions mostly display with options in random order so I actually have no idea which answer tickled your funny bone, but I’m glad you were amused.

I’m fine, thanks. I feel like I’m a bit stuck and not making progress in my life but well, as Galadriel says in The Lord of the Rings (I know you don’t like it): “If you do not find a way, no one will”, so it’s really up to me to do something, and I probably should snap out of it, the sooner the better.

Anyway, could we please stop with this “readers assume that I don’t care” issue??? It’s the same pantomime every time!! So in summary: you care, we care, everyone cares, we are the AJs of care, let’s move on people!

On that note, how are you?

I’m glad that you cared enough to ask!  I’m feeling especially caring today.

Hurricane came through and blew out all the electricity in the neighborhood except for my house. Everyone hates me and I don’t give a damn.

That’s because you read my blog and your neighbours don’t.  All Kpopalypse readers will experience the good fortune of caonima.

THIS IS MY FIRST FREE TIME IN 4 WEEKS

And you’re spending it filling out my survey – I’m honoured!

Pretty okay. Well, not exactly. I’ve recently started identifying as a lesbian, but I haven’t really felt comfortable with the label. I feel like I’m closing myself off from hot dudes. Even though I don’t really give a shit about them, I feel like being a lesbian is too… final… for me. And what if I’m just a straight girl who wants attention?? Oppar, help!

You should identify as bisexual instead, at least until you figure shit out.  Double your options – it’s just the practical choice.

I’m OK. I spoke at a charity event today and I got some nice goodies out of that so thats great (It’s RU OK Day too, which is what the event was about). Still trying to get my life sorted out, not just realizing my shitty family solution and how their behaviours affect my way of thinking, but trying to do good at uni. TBH I’m happy that I’m in uni at all and I really like the industry I’m studying.

The ssm survey thing is balls and the government are all dumbcunts who can get fucked. I wanna ruin my fuckin life so why can’t I?

I dunno.  The Australian government are simultaneously gay and not gay enough at the same time.

I had an argument with my girlfriend and she mentioned how my family seemed better when it comes to…I don’t know how to describe it. Let’s just call it social behavior. I know that I’m different, but now it kind of feels like everyone in my family has viewed this as a problem but no one decided to let me know until…much later…indirectly. It’s especially telling when my dad told my girlfriend “He won’t listen to us, but he’ll listen to you” and my own brother felt the same way. I mean, fucking seriously! It pisses me off that no one is direct to me(or to each other) about anything. It makes it feel like my own family has thought about me in a certain way but I didn’t know about it until years later and now I don’t know how to feel. Really makes me want to tell everyone to piss off at this point because as much of an asshole I know I can be sometimes, this is a pretty big dick move on their part…

Not giving a fuck seems like an excellent solution.

I’m OK. My house flooded a few weeks ago (Houston) so that’s a huge pain in the ass but I had flood insurance, so at least I’m better off than lots of folks. I finally finished ripping out all the drywall earlier this week, and the house is on its way to drying out, which is nice. In the meantime my wife and I are staying with friends in an apartment, but I miss my kitchen and being able too cook and have dinner parties (my hobby). Oh well, win some, lose some, and I’m a pretty stable person emotionally so while the situation certainly sucks, I’m not breaking down in despair or anything. Hope things are going well for you!

There are companies that sell flood insurance in Houston, and they haven’t gone bust yet?

Holy shit dude, I had my first threesome ever. I never thought it would happen lol

All good things can happen to caonimas!

Hi! I just started university and I thought it’d be hell, but because I know what I wanna study and major in, it’s alright so far. I do have a shit ton of homework and essays but I’m weird because I like homework and essays anyways… I read kpopalypse partially because I relate to the “offensive” sense of humour the site has, but in turn, I also have difficulty making friends with people I can relate with in humour because everyone just gets offended over every small thing and it makes it so hard to tolerate someone and look past their sensitivity when nearly every conversation is a moral lesson on respecting people and being considerate about their feelings. I’m sure I’ll find someone who I can be friends with who has the same taste in humour, but damn it’s so annoying and lonely.

You may wish to consider a move to Australia!

Hi there! Good to be able to ramble about myself at you again. I’m not having the greatest day, honestly. I’ve been working on a writing project that I was hoping would get some attention, but my expectations were unrealistic. Meanwhile this morning I saw a glowing review of a deeply serious book by a guy who was a year behind me at college. I know I need to reflect deeply and come back as a better caonima, but I’m not there yet, and also feeling a lot of anxiety over a family trip coming up. I think I’m going to take the kids to the children’s museum today — they haven’t had school all week thanks to Irma. I hope you’re doing well. Cheers!

Did you know that only 20 people clicked my blog for the entirely of 2012, and at least ten of them were probably me?  Also anybody can write a review, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.  Half of the time the person who writes the review and the person who the review is about are friends.  That’s the only way half of the shitty music I’ve done over the years ever got a good review!

hello, i’m fine, although a bit tired from all the shit my lecturer assigned to me. can i ask you something? do you have a good tip how to handle math? bcs on your university survival arcticle you didn’t talk specifically about any subject. thank you!

I’m actually pretty bad at math so I don’t know.  My university guide deliberately didn’t go into specific subjects.  But there’s a good math-related joke later in this survey that may help, expect it fondly.

I’m not doing very well. A little over a week ago, I was staying in a hotel out of town and all of a sudden I heard a piercing sound, my vision went partially blind, and the whole right side of my body went somewhat numb. I was alone at the time, which made it even scarier. Luckily, my family came back soon after and my mom took me to the hospital. I didn’t know what was going on, I threw up all over myself while I was getting a cat-scan, and then I got an almost unbearable migraine. It turns out I had what’s called a complex migraine. It can cause amnesia, and I had it pretty badly at first. I couldn’t even remember one of my dog’s names right away. My son tried to quiz me by asking me to name all my biases and the members of my favorite groups. I remembered all of my ultimate bias group, but for the others I had a lot of trouble. I just kept guessing the same two names repeatedly, without remembering that I had already said them. I’ve been a big fan of SNSD since 2010 and I couldn’t even name all of the members. My memory has gotten somewhat better now, but I’ve been crying a lot because this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and I’m scared my memory will never come back and that I have some kind of serious health problem I don’t know about. I hope you’re doing better than I am.

Wow that’s pretty messed up, and I’d never heard of this before but it seems scary.  I hope you’re improving more since you wrote this.  Although anyone will forgive you mixing up Yoona with other SNSD members.

Hello Kpopalypse Oppar~
I’m fine thank you, and how are you?

IATFB is running a secret spy organisation, and his target is you. His real name is not IATFB but in fact Dickinson P. Blue. He’s not Asian but actually a hairless bald 80 year old white man who lives in Idaho. He sells poisonous potatoes on the side, and uses this to catch his criminals.

He doesn’t with his fingers but with 30cm long nails – also torture method when he catches his criminals.

I’m just making you wary of him, he is a very dangerous spy lord.

Noted.

I’m writing on qrimole form and kpopalypse form on the same chrome window. I’m such a dedicated caonima.

This is true caonima double-action.  I’m impressed!

Why do you have to be such an asshole and begin every survey with this same damned boring question? Why do you care about how I am? Kpopalypse, get a life.

Depressed. Just came out of an 8yr relationship with my high school sweetheart. She was my other half throughout school and college but now that’s all over. I’ve been drowning my sorrows in booze and the superficial sweetness of kpop.

How do I escape this rut kpopalypse-hyung?

It’s a good time to start something new in your life.  Get yourself a new distraction, something you haven’t gotten around to doing but have always wanted to try.

I’m fine, but would have been better if you (or the creators of this survey script) hadn’t anticipated that people might cheat in mandatory text boxes by pressing the space bar a few times, and thus coded it so as not to recognize blank space bar input as a valid response.

It wouldn’t matter, some people just put in full stops or text emojis etc, there’s always a way around it.  Don’t underestimate the caonima sneakiness of readers!

I’m fine, except I’ve been experiencing bullying at my school and my parents and I are discussing possible transfer. My entire class except a few people hates me and they’ve basically ostracized me. I’ve also been ignored for leadership positions and any sort of important things because it always ended up becoming a popularity contest, with the most popular bitch winning. I’ve had to quit the school team I was on because of this sort of instance (and I’m their best player; they’re going to have their asses handed to them by every other team in our league.) I’ve lost a lot of human compassion for stuff in general because of this bullying because it’s just so numbing to me. I haven’t even done anything mean to people at this school, I’ve just been myself, participated in class and gotten stellar grades (rip stellar 2k17) but everyone seems to hate me. I mean, last night I cried myself to sleep for about 3 hours I’m just so angry with everyone. Kpop, and your blog especially, have certainly helped me through these struggles as an outlet from which I don’t have to think about these everyday issues I deal with. So thank you. And I really like your surveys so I’m looking forward to this 🙂

Bummer to hear.  I can certainly relate, which is why I made a post about how to handle bullies a while back, so read that if you haven’t.  Don’t worry, you’ll get the last laugh in life – statistically bullies tend to emerge from school worse off than everyone else.

I’m super nervous right now, I’m in third year of high school and I have a PHP programming exam right now and my anxiety is ruining everything even though I studied hard. I’m trying to relax by doing this survey hahaha, I hope it works. I realized this is the second time I do your surveys before a test(last time was for java programming and you helped a lot ❤ thx oppar).

My super Boram ESP powers tell me that you’ve already taken this exam and done well.

bored as fuck, too few posts, the weekly roundup does not feel enough…

I’d love to post more for you all but I’d need to cut my paid work hours to find the time, and I refuse to carry ads like other lesser k-pop sites.

Well, I guess I am fine. I made a new friend a while ago, which is great because I do not make friends easily. I showed her some kpop, and now she is a full-blown BTS-GOT7 fangirl, almost bordering on a Koreaboo level. I want to solve this problem, but I have no idea how. Do you have any advice oppar?

Get her to read Kpopalyspe blog.  Repeat as often as necessary.

Hello! Have a nice day. I’m fine. Check Hotline Miami 2 OST, fucking great music that killed my kpop enjoyment for some reason.

Actually I preferred the music to the first Hotline Miami, especially M O O N’s “Hydrogen” which should have been the in-game music for every single level.

kpopalypse oppar i think i am in need of your help. recently every time i reach out to my boyfriend he gives me shorter responses than im expecting and usually doesnt give me the time of day that he used to. of course i know he has a busy schedule and its difficult for him but at the same time i have needs too. how do i tell him that without coming across as selfish?

Paradoxical as it may seem, the best way for you to regain some focus on yourself here is to back way off.  Stop reaching out to him completely.  At first he won’t notice a change, but eventually he will.  Then he’ll be the one coming to you, wondering what’s up, or perhaps just missing you.  Now you’re in control.

i have to go to the dentist soon, and i need some advice: which kpop song is the best aural equivalent to a root canal with no novocaine?

Omfg, so there’s this girl… and honestly our relationship is so weird. She’s deeply in love with her teacher (we’re in high school), but starting since May of last year until now we’ve basically fallen into this ambiguous “friends with benefits” sort of relationship. We’ve hooked up a couple of times and she expresses her feelings for me a lot (especially when she’s high), but she’s also really “hot and cold” about it. I’m also one of her main confidants about her (admittedly very shitty) home life and about her issues with her teacher. If I’m being honest with myself, my wish to be a good “friend” (or whatever we are) and put up with her shit and help her how I can has led me to quite a bit of emotional turmoil. The other problem is that I really, really like her. Oh, and this relationship is lesbian af which basically a whole ‘nother problem in itself (her parents are homophobic as can be). I tell myself I’m not getting strung along because we’ve always been honest about the fact that we’re never going to be in a legit relationship… but am I getting strung along? Should I stop putting up with her shit?

Why not just enjoy the ride and see where it takes you?  It seems like a dangerous relationship to put any particular expectations into.  If you don’t have anything vested into it, then being “strung along” no longer applies and you can just enjoy yourself.

Great. I just fapped like an absolute madwoman to a Yugyeom fancam, so I’m kind of out of breath and I’m feeling a bit sore all over. And how are you? Who have YOU been rubbing one out to lately? Is that too impersonal?

I found some goth-ish girl doing Mei Overwatch porn and it was pretty good but I still ended up fapping to Georgina Gee.  If we could get Georgina Gee doing Mei Overwatch porn I think it could be a fapception.

Finding this survey just made my day as it allows me to escape my boring and depressing yet exhausting life for a bit. That also summarizes pretty well how I feel these days: bored, depressed, exhausted. Also I realized recently I might be a lesbian. Why do I still prefer male kpop groups though? Well aren’t a lot of gay guys into Lady Gaga and musicals? Maybe the likes of Big Bang and BTS are my version of Lady Gaga then, but of the opposite gender…? What, you don’t care about any of this? Well I guess you shouldn’t have asked then. But now that you’re already reading this: what’s your opinion as a seasoned writer on queer issues regarding my Lady-Gaga-theory?

All the gay guys I know think Lady Gaga is fucking shit.  In fact I’m probably more tolerant of her than any of them.  Also the gay guys I know who are into k-pop still like female groups more and have more female than male biases.  No, I don’t understand it either.

Fine, except I can’t seem to get the idea of four-part writing down. There are so many rules (open/closed spacing, doubling, parallel whatevers), and I always do terribly in writing these. What exactly is the point of having to do these?

There’s no fucking point, you won’t ever use the knowledge.  Four-part harmony writing is essentially useless in the modern music sphere where aspects such as parallel fifths (banned in this type of harmony writing) are actually the norm.  It’s only useful knowledge if you ever have to analyse compositional harmony.  One day I might go into this in depth but I’d need a k-pop related excuse to do so, just to keep my personal interest levels up.

I’m good! I just started school and I’m doing well so far. I failed really hard the first time I went so I’m nervous, but after my first two semesters of being back I managed to get a 4.0 GPA that I’m really proud of because I worked hard for it!!!! I’m scared because I’m taking statistics this semester, and I’m bad at math, so I’m worried about maintaining my GPA, but I’m trying not to think to hard about it. My teacher has a heavy accent though that’s hard to understand, but he seems like a genuinely good teacher, and all the other good ones are taken, so I have to stick with it. Otherwise, I am doing well! I also am trying hard to lose weight, and become prettier these days, using videos of t-ara for inspiration! I’ve lost 8 pounds so far! I was wondering if your gf would have any words of inspiration from girl to girl since she sounds so cool. That’s it!

I asked my girlfriend for you.  She laughed a lot and said “yeah right”.  I said “what, that’s it?”.  She said “pretty much”.  She then added “that’s a bit dumbass using k-pop for inspiration, it’s fucking shit”.  Don’t take her too serious though, she likes that goth bullshit.  Good luck on your weight loss journey, but it would probably be wise to stop before you get to Boram levels of weight loss.

Hey, oppar. You never put me in your posts, I’m so mad at you, but I still love you and read you!
My uni is starting finally, I will be living in a dorm and I’m worrying about it, what if its infested with gigantic bugs that will kill me at night. Also what if my dormmates will bully me, or feed me ricecakes against my will. Wish me luck, oppar.

Good luck!  Uni living is pretty poverty-stricken, if I were you I’d accept all the free rice cakes I could.  Also congratulations on being the last question answered!

Question 2: Why do some readers assume that I don’t care how they are, when I clearly do?

Kpopalypse cares about all caonimas, but if I had to endure idol life for my entire 20s like Qri I think I would probably give about as much of a fuck as her.

Question 3: What are the sexiest clothes for idols (male or female) to wear?

Kpopalypse blog isn’t afraid to tackle the big issues in k-pop fap.  Casual clothes came out as the clear winner.  Hip-hop clothes on the other hand were a definite no-go for fap purposes.

Question 4: Less than 24 hours after I made a post about how idols don’t get paid unless they run their own businesses, Hyolyn from Sistar decided to quit Starship Entertainment and start her own company. Coincidence?

It looks like even after Sistar’s disbandment, Dasom can be relied on to share important knowledge with her groupmates, and not just about anal sex.  Just as well for Hyolyn, let’s wish her all the best with her new company!

Question 5: Kpopalypse recently stopped writing for Asian Junkie. How do you feel about this change?

Not many of you actually gave a fuck about whether my crappy posts are on Asian Junkie or not.  I guess that’s as good an argument for no longer having them on there as any other.

Question 6: Here is a picture of AOA’s Yooa.

Why does Yooa have her arms folded?

Expensive plastic surgery costs seemed to be the most likely reason for Yooa’s disgruntlement, according to perceptive Kpopalypse readers.

Question 7: In an appeal case, it was stated that JYJ’s Yoochun was not guilty of rape because “it’s not possible for rape to occur in a small bathroom”. Using the slider below, indicate the minimum volume (in cubic cm) that a bathroom needs to be before rape is possible.

When all responses were averaged out, the answer to this question was 121.5 cubic centimetres.  That’s quite a small bathroom indeed!  Korea must have some very small, very rape-proof bathrooms.

Question 8: Which item below best describes the “edginess” level of Kpopalypse blog?

Many people call Kpopalypse “edgy”, but how edgy exactly is Kpopalypse blog?  After all, there are many objects in the world with different types of edges (just ask Kim Hyun Joong).  It was a close race, but Kpopalypse readers felt that the humble butter knife best encapsulated the edginess level of Kpopalypse blog.

Question 9: Recently, in order to broaden his appeal with today’s sensitive snowflake generation, Kpopalypse banned several naughty “slur” words, including “Allkpop”, “talent” and “slay”. What should be the next offensive term to be banned on Kpopalypse blog?

“Swag” was the clear winner.  I will consider removing this horrible slur word to make Kpopalypse a more politically correct blogging landscape.

Question 10: Does Kpopalypse really have ESP passed down to him through his family from Boram?

Sure, there weren’t any other options to choose from, but that’s only because my super Boram ESP powers told me that you didn’t want any other options.

Question 11: China will start banning VPNs (Virtual Private Networks) soon. Will T-ara still come first in every pointless k-pop poll ever?

The answer to this question was a resounding yes, so when you see T-ara come first yet again on the next pointless Internet poll, just know that Kpopalypse readers called it.

Question 12: Rate your enjoyment of the following fanfictions.

I know that most readers already think my fanfictions are shit.  However, are they more shit than the masterworks of the shit fanfiction genre, “Twilight” and “Fifty Shades Of Grey”?  Clearly not.  I will work harder to improve my shit fanfiction writing skills for the future.

Question 13: Despite posting about it saying he doesn’t give any fucks, Kpopalypse still gets a lot of questions about k-pop albums. Why are readers still interested in this?

As the drive for people to see Kpopalyspe write nice things about their biases is very high (for some unknown reason), I’m sure that I will continue to get many more questions about this incredibly boring topic!

Question 14: Observe the following video of Qri.

Rate the amount of Qri’s care-factor in the above video on a scale from 0 (Qri doesn’t care) to 10 (Qri cares).

The results for this were interesting, with a few readers finding sneaky caonima ways to break the slider and post results way outside of the specified zero to ten range.  As a result, Qri’s higest score was 69 and her lowest was -696,969, but a rough average for Qri’s care-factor in the above video was a humble 4.

Question 15: Which k-pop group will come back first?

I thought I’d give Kpopalypse readers a chance to express their optimistic side.  It was interesting to note that the technically-still-going-honest After School have sunk lower in the poll than many other groups who have officially disbanded.

Question 16: Soon Australia might be voting on the important social issue of marriage equality, which means legalising same-sex marriage. What are you feelings on this controversial topic?

Kpopalypse readership opinion on this hot topic roughly mirrored polling in Australia, where most people support same-sex marriage, or at least acknowledge that it is very gay.  Of course the government here is wasting $122 million with a postal vote anyway to formalise what we already know through free Internet surveys like mine.  I urge the Australian government to just hurry up and legalise this gay shit already and then they can spend the spare money on Kpopalypse’s Patreon where it will be put to much better use.  Remember Malcolm Turnbull, each dollar that you spend per month on Kpopalypse brings SPUNKMOP approximately 0.000002328% closer to happening.

Question 17: Check your k-pop privilege! How many privileges do you have? Tick all that apply.

As this question was multiple choice, the bars here represent percentage total out of 100%.  “I can access k-pop on the Internet privilege” therefore scored as the most common privilege, at 96.1%.  Some surveydoers wondered why I restricted them to ticking a maximum of eight options and they couldn’t tick all nine options.  This wasn’t a mistake – if you ticked all the other options and admitted that you had all these privileges, I knew that you weren’t lying about it, and therefore you didn’t get to also tick “lying in Kpopalypse surveys privilege”.  Whereas on the other hand if you did check “lying in Kpopalypse surveys privilege”, I made sure that you couldn’t tick at least one other box, therefore forcing you to potentially lie.

Question 18: What is the real reason that many Reddit/kpop users hate Kpopalypse?

Opinion was spread reasonably evenly but slightly slanted in favour of the idea that Reddit/kpop users feel threatened by an annoying know-it-all like Kpopalypse – after all, that’s their turf.

Question 19: What is the Jiyeon webcam scandal?

I hope this now clears up the issue for anybody curious.

Question 20: This is a picture of Shannon Williams with Korean rapper Sleepy.

Why is this picture here?

Actually it did relate to a later question.  Unfortunately it probably also biased the responses to this later question but oh well.

Question 21: Complaint corner! Complain about Kpopalypse in this space. If you don’t have any complaints, tell a joke instead. I’ll put the funniest complaint AND the funniest joke in the survey results. You can skip this question if you want to.

Oh boy, the complains and the jokes came in thick and fast!  As a result I’m going to feature my top FIVE favourite jokes and types of complaints!

COMPLAINTS

COMPLAINT #1 – PRACTICAL SITE STUFF

Actual complaint: I hate how your archives are organized, and I wish you had a cloud tag (unless I’m just to ditzy to find it).

I agree with you about the archives, unfortunately they are default and I can’t change them.  That’s why I have an index in the sidebar (click Eunjung).  I do also have a cloud tag, it’s underneath the picture of Lizzy.  Failing these, the search bar looks humble but is actually deceptively powerful, it will prioritise post headings and then look for keyword matches within blog posts.  Type in your favourite bias or group and it will list all the posts where that bias or group is mentioned.

If i want to binge read all your past weekly roundups, i can’t unless i click so many times my fingers are reduced to bloody stumps. Fix this.

If you go to the playlist index and click on the dates, it will take you to the specific roundup that matches that radio show.

i’m gonna complain about the fact that i wasted ten minutes on question 7 trying to work that fuckin slider to get to 5000 exactly which then i realized i could just get close & use the arrow keys. fuck that slider

Ahahahahaha

q15 and q24 sucks. Your blog is getting harder to manage at phone.

Yeah I know.  Not my fault that phones suck though.  Do the survey on a desktop if you can.

Change the website theme and font they are pathetic

I did, to please my readers.  Nothing keeps you lot happy, eh?

I NEED MORE POSTS FROM YOU, NOT AROUND 2 POSTS A WEEK BUT LIKE EVERYDAY SO I DON’T DIE FROM BOREDOM. I CAN’T LIVE WHEN MY BIASES DON’T HAVE A CONCERT EVERYDAY AND FIVE COMEBACKS A MONTH. FUCK.

You know, my life has been tough so far. I live in the southern hemisphere, where no idol goes. I’m trapped in FUCKING SCHOOL. I can’t stand clickbaits like AllKShit and Koreaboo-hoo, and fake-cheery-and-innocent-and-special-snowflake cunts like /r/kpop. You are a piece of my life like nobody else (except for my biases lol), so please… please. Keep writing more often. I get you have a life, but I need MORE POSTS.

>:'(

STEP UP YOUR GAME, KPOPCALYPSE.

Thanks.

Bye.

The problem is I work more than one job and am routinely busy as fuck.  I don’t get paid (much) for this shit and I spend many hours on it each and every week.  Right now I’ve doing these answers in my rare downtime and I could be molesting my girlfriend but I’m writing this response to you instead.  Maybe she should be complaining to you.

COMPLAINT #2 – ROUNDUP AND REVIEWS

You used to explain WHY the music sucked technically in layman’s terms that were interesting, but you don’t do that much anymore and I miss it. You just seem to take a lot of cheap shots now.

Actually I still do this at the same rate as always – one set of big posts per year.  It’s just that before Kpopalypse roundup didn’t exist and now it does, so in between those yearly dissections where I get quite specific, are all the Roundup posts where I usually don’t get very specific.  So yes in percentage terms, there is less music-explanation, but in overall terms you’re actually getting the same amount of explanation plus bonus snarky stuff (which I’ll extrapolate on later when/if those songs get in the top/bottom 30) because there’s just more content now.  If anything you get more technical explanation than before because readers may have noticed that the Honourable Mentions lists are become more like the end of year lists (longer reviews, more detail).  Also, if I went into technical details all the time it would be boring, because, as another complainer pointed out:

Only complaint I have is kind of not a complaint about you. Love the roundup series but it’s just so disappointing to read basically the same reviews week after week due to a stale (and shitty) music market.

…and that’s why I take cheap shots sometimes – if I can write something that amuses myself I’ll usually pick doing that over writing the 2967th technical explanation of the same fucking thing.  I don’t need to write why trop-house or Rhodes or ballads suck over and over again when I’ve already addressed each in separate quite long posts.

on the rare occasion that you actually like a song in your weekly roundup, I wish you’d talk just a bit more about why you like it, rather than your usual, “holy shit I actually like this song by these fucktards, who could have seen that coming?”

As for this reverse but related complaint, here’s a secret: if I like a song but give very sketchy or no details as to why, there’s a very good chance that I’m saving the big-ass essay on why I like it for the end-of-year list!

stop shitting on tropical shithouse, it’s the least shitty trendy bullshit to gain prominence in recent years. It’s way better than fucking dubstep or horn samples or trap.

Actually I completely agree, it could be worse!  Any trend is annoying when constantly recycled though.

While it doesn’t bother me too much, I feel like you should just not review songs that you clearly don’t give a fuck about. What keeps me reading this blog is the high-quality posts you have. I understand that you do these weekly one-sentence reviews of mostly shitty songs so people won’t ask you about them on ask.fm. But why not just ignore those questions about shitty songs?

Because it’s more fun to irritate people by writing one worthless line about that bullshit.  You can always skip the roundups if you hate them, or just watch the videos and ignore my text, which plenty of people do.

COMPLAINT #3 – KPOPALYPSE CHANGES THE WORLD

I don’t think this will qualify, but I LOVE complaining about you, because you are some sort of asshole onion; Like IU pretends to be a fox pretending to be a bear pretending to be a fox, you pretend to be an asshole who pretends to be a nice person who is really asshole, deep down inside.

You seem to think that anyone who cares about a social issue is doing so for a sense of self-righteousness, instead of a hope for self-preservation. You are basically a text-book example of the “argument to moderation”, in human form. Your views seem to be based on a misunderstanding of what the modern progressive movement is trying to achieve. You think that feminism was great in the 60-70’s (when you were a kid and teen) and it’s shit now, because you just don’t know anything about it, outside of the inane “rationalist skeptic” critiques you watch about it on Youtube. You think that freedom of speech is important, even when the protection of hate speech actively SILENCES oppressed groups. You don’t understand the nuances of racism, and unintentionally support it by agreeing to a position that helps racists keep on’ oppressing, because you don’t want to have to reevaluate your beliefs. There’s more, but I’m sure you stopped reading, watermelon watermelon, cantaloupe, cantaloupe.

You aren’t the worst, but moderates can be more infuriating, because y’all pretend to listen to reasoned arguments, even when your mind is made up. And yes, I know you probably don’t think I (try) to listen to them myself, since I sound like I’m talking down to you, but I know I’m not perfect or close to it, but you are using your platform to spread your beliefs, so I have to criticize you if I think you are hurting people.

I wasn’t alive in the 1960s, nobody is actually that old.  The other strawman stuff here is blatantly incorrect and isn’t worth addressing but that IU comment is fantastic and I really like the concept of “the asshole onion”.

You always talk about your obsession with 80s “heavy”-metal groups but have a disdain for REAL music like Chopin, Haydn, and Stravinsky. I’m actually pretty disgusted with your taste in music; it’s all wrong. Not to mention your apathy towards jazz standards. I bet you can’t even play a 251 on the plethora of shit guitars that you have (you must be compensating for something). It’s also maddening how your jealousy of other’s vocal techniques seemed to have completely forced yourself into disliking one of the most important genres of music: R&B. With all of your Nazi jokes, blackface apologies, and ugliness, it’s pretty clear why you wouldn’t like R&B anyways. You’re dismissed and cancelledt.

Remember that it’s very important to insult and belittle people when trying to make the world a better place where nobody is insulted or belittled.

WHy on Gods green earth do you fucking tolerate that libtard fuckhead IATFB aka AJ aka “Hi guys I’m a retarded PC SJW moron who makes stupid post about on my shitty blog about racism, cultural appropriation, and other faggy libtard shit”. Honestly the only reason I even looked up that shitty blog of his was because AKF quit blogging and I needed something else other then the great sanctum of caonima action and trufax and formerly Rainaism that is the Kpopalypse blog, and you didn’t outright have a bad opinion about it (though me visiting that shithole is in no way your fault make no mistake).
Anyway it just baffles the mind that that moron keeps making posts about cultural appropriation especially after your french berett post, and about blackface without even looking ant intent or context.
I guess what I’m trying to say is FUCK AJ and his shitty libtard blog and it wouldn’t hurt if youd shit on him a little harder and more frequently, CMON I know you want to, that libtard is like asking to bitch slapped with a healthy dose of reality and common sense.
Please please pretty please, I know you probably won’t give a single sorry solitary fuck about “my special needs” , and if I don’t like AJ I should probably stop reading his shitty blog, but still I know I’ll get a good laugh out of it if you’ll ever deside to go all caonima on his ass.

And then there’s people who want me to go in the other direction.  I don’t agree with IATFB or AKF all the time, or even most of the time, on some issues.  I don’t have to agree with 100% of how other people feel about issues in order to be friends, read their blog, or admit that they provide entertainment value and insight at times etc, if that was the case I’d have no friends at all and read nothing on the Internet ever.  In this Internet age everyone wants to live in an echo-chamber where they get complete reinforcement of their own viewpoints and we all agree with each other, but real life isn’t like that.  It’s okay to disagree.

COMPLAINT #4 – TITS, ASS, COCK, PUSSY

Once I was getting ready and while looking in the mirror I thought, ‘I wonder how Kpopalypse would rate my boobs.’ The annoying part is, I’ll never know, for I am not a kpop idol for Kpopalypse to judge, and as such it will be a question that haunts me, much like the ‘how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop’ question, or ‘Why isn’t Minah on Kpopalypse blog anywhere if she’s his fav in Girl’s Day’

I hope you enjoyed my KCON review which has much Minah content, including a picture of Minah waving at Kpopalypse!

Oppar’s determination to put fappable photos in the surveys is dropping. Caonimas faps matter! We all know how much you love BTS’s Jimin’s cock so stop being a faggot and post pictures of his glamourous bulge already.

Noted.

COMPLAINT #5 – FAUNA

You could show us your cat more, it would be better content than 80% of this website.

Can’t argue with this.

No Jaehyo, no Westies, no Shetland ponies:
what the heck kind of site are you running, Oppar?

Can’t argue with this either.  I will reflect.

Not enough cat posts.

I know.  I’m so sorry.

Kpopalypse’s cat does not MRS.

My other readers will beat you up after school, cunt.

Post YOUR FUCKING CAT DAMNIT

I know!  She’s better than me and I can’t deal with it, okay?  [runs off crying]

BEST FIVE JOKES

FIVE

How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg
(IF I HAD TO READ THIS WITH MY OWN EYES YOU DO TOO)

FOUR

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other’s a busty crustacean

THREE

A bra and a jumper cable walk into the bar. The jumper cable sits down, and the bra orders two drinks. The bartender says “I’m not serving you”. The bra asks “why not?”. The bartender says “you’re obviously off your tits and your mate looks like he’s gonna start something”

TWO

A tribal chief has three squaws, and receives a prophesy from a local wise woman. She says that his fertility will be greatly increased if he beds them on the hides of great animals, so he fetches his hunting gear and goes in search. He finds a nice lion, a gazelle, but then spots a hippo bathing in the mud. His tribe attack and defeat it, and he gives the hide to his best squaw. He beds all of them that night on the three different hides, and 9 months later he has 4 sons, 1 each from the gazelle and lion skins and 2 from the hippo.
And it just goes to show, the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the squaws on the other two hides.

ONE

You.

Question 22: What’s the most moronic, awkward mis-spelling of Kpopalypse you’ve seen on the Internet?

To make things even more confusing there were actually some YouTubers called “Kpopcalypse” (although they seem to have deleted all their videos now) and even someone who is apparently making a “Kpopcalypse” feature film (which looks fairly unlikely to get off the ground), so that probably explains why this option narrowly beat out the much funnier “Kpoopalypse”.

Question 23: Hopefully you’ve all been regularly clicking sidebar Sorn. We all know who the next sidebar girl is going to be, don’t we?

I won’t keep you in suspense long, you’ll all find out the answer in October 2017!

Question 24: What has been k-pop’s saddest event so far for 2017?

Choa robbing the k-pop world of fap-friendly AOA comebacks was the biggest sticking point for Kpopalypse readers so far this year.  However you were mostly okay with Gfriend’s agency gradually drowning them.

Question 25: This is a picture of Shannon Williams reaching for the alarm clock at the start of “Why Why“.

How “woke” is Shannon Williams?

Clearly Woke Queen of k-pop Shannon Williams is woke.  We may have to wait for Kpopalypse Interview to find out exactly how woke, but in the meantime we can safely assume that she’s more mature and less problematic than eugenics-loving racial scientist Asian Junkie.

Question 26: When will tropical shithouse stop being a thing in k-pop?

You’ve all picked the trend pattern by now – when the west is about to dump some bullshit overplayed sound for being too boring, that’s when k-pop starts latching on.

Question 27: Kpopalypse nearly has enough dreams for the next episode of “Kpopalypse dreams”! Are you looking forward to the next installment of this iconic series?

The fifth installment of Kpopalypse dreams did appear just a few days before the survey closed off, which sort of invalidated this question slightly for some of you, but since most people don’t really care about the series anyway I figured nobody would really give any fucks.  Trivia: the Kpopalypse fanfic The SHINee Ghost Train was originally a really long dream that was destined for the Kpopalypse dreams series before I added extra parts to it and gave it a life of its own.

Question 28: How often do you fap to k-pop idols?

It seems that 25% of you exercised your “lying in Kpopalypse surveys privilege”.

Question 29: We all know that they win #1 on the most fappable MV list every year, but how many times has Kpopalypse actually fapped to Apink?

Readers could vote between zero and 666 times.  The answer to this question, once all scores were averaged out, was 69 times.  Not even joking.

Readers were then offered this picture of Umji being problematic as a thank you for filling out the survey, and were then asked on final question:

Question 30: Any feedback about this survey, you can leave here if you wish. Thank you for participating!

Here’s a bunch of feedback related Umji and/or Frenchface:

how dare you include a picture of Umji engaging in cultural appropriation. How. Dare. You. I hope that a Frenchman shows up while you’re sleeping, and smothers you with his beret.

STOP FRENCHFACE IN KPOP!!!!!111!!

Honestly I though I’ve just wasted 15 minute of my life but I realized I’m gonna dead soon and you finish this survey with a picture of Umji so I guess I can live until the next survey comes along. Why tf do I even read your blog in the first place, probably because Asian Junkie getting to moral for my dark taste. Keep up the good work.

that was a shitty picture of umji you used you cancerous fuck

Umji is ugly and anyone who says she isn’t must be in denial.

I love Umji being problematic.

I fucking love umji. Thanks.

Umji, Tzuyu and other already rich kpop people will be fine after their contracts so people shit on them at any opportunity whilst said idols use inherited money to wipe away their tears

I’m triggered by the blatant frenchface in this article

Fucking Umji and her Frenchfafe

why is Umji problematic here? cause she’s wearing a beret? lol

Your picture of Umji needs more jpeg.

Umji is not only doing Frenchface in the above photo, but also whiteface. Her complexion matches the terrifying white of the Kpopalypse blog.

Man that Umji pic was so problematic my laptop froze for about an hour

Umji is cute

 

WHY THE FUCK IS UMJI IN A BERET? FUCKING CANCEROUS PIECE OF SHIT TRIGGERING ME LIKE THAT. TAKE THIS LINK DOWN.

#stopfrenchface2k17

Does Umji look better after the weight loss or not? Yep, that’s a stumper.

You forgot the “i” in Umji in before the image above.

Thank you for making me see the light about Umji’s less than acceptable behaviour as I’ve never seen that image before. And here we all thought she was the innocent one. I’m going to contact their agency to get her to film an apology video for all the oppressed and marginalized frenchmen and women in the world. Unnir must be held responsible for her actions and reflect. And I won’t be supporting her and her group anymore after this.

Umjis picture is the best reward ever.

I’m horrified by that picture of Umji, that photo filter ought to be destroyed. Otherwise, I’m good. Thanks for doing this!

And some questions you wanted answered, and other random responses:

You’re a cool cunt. Don’t stop what you’re doing because your blogposts are a pleasure and something to keep me motivated (your determination is what I am building towards like holy shit)

Thanks!  Kpopalypse will continue to show high determination levels!

Generally one of your more pleasant surveys, but Q.6 gave me a headache. Who even is that? When did Yooa join AoA? Why does she have a perfectly heartshaped bruise on her shoulder?

You think it gave you a headache, try making a survey about it…

I am curious on how you can actually name any member from BTS. Is it because searching for images of “Jimin” for fapping brings up endless photos of man meat instead of the cute chubby one or the motherfuckin top madam?

Yes, that’s exactly it.  Also you folks voted for Jimin a lot in my objectification surveys.

Hi again!

About the fact that you stopped writing for AJ, it almost makes no difference whatsoever. He published a (butchered) article of yours once in a blue moon, and anyway, I have been reading your articles on your blog for years now so, as you said, it really doesn’t affect me. Btw, Antikpopfangirl was nice to post about your survey!

About Reddit, I like your style and I don’t get why they keep accusing you of being “tryhard”. I don’t feel talked down at all when you explain something and the idea of you being mean or angry is just ridiculous (you are super nice!) so keep up the good work!

On another topic, if you remember, in the last survey I wrote about my cat, about infected wounds, terrible parents, and freaking out in general, well…everything went well. My parents were reasonable and we kept Rama with us for 20 days (yes, maybe I was over-zealous). During the ordeal Rama was super sweet, I had almost no problem at all with bandages or antibiotics, and now he is fine, the fur grew back, and he is beautiful as always. Recently he came back with a scratch but this time I was prepared: I abduct him for 3 days, put loads of betadine, and he was as good as new. I wanted to say thank you for your answer that time.

On the same note, my (new) veterinarian is very cute and I’d like to stop being a mess every time I take one of my cats for a checkup.
When Rama got hurt, I started crying in front of him, but in my defence, he talked for 10 minutes about the fact that he couldn’t visit him because he wasn’t an indoor cat before saying that what he meant was that he couldn’t treat Rama in that moment because he had to put him to sleep first (why didn’t you say so at the beginning?!).
Another fun fact: I was obsessing over the loss of fur on Rama’s front leg (I thought of a fungus, it happened to my other cats) so I decided to send a photo to the aforementioned veterinarian and he replied that they simply shaved the fur to take the blood test…well, let’s say it was embarrassing.

So my question is: how can I be a calm and collected and not at all anxious cat owner (like you)?

As always I hope you, your family, your girlfriend and Stiglitz are ok.

Thanks, we’re good!  It’s hard being a cat owner sometimes, as it kind of depends on the cat.  Before my current cat I had two cats and one of them got sick a lot, it was a great amount of stress.

My daughter died in 2014. She was a dancer and a singer.
I discovered Kpop and this site and i’m sure the distraction has saved my life.

Not sure why…it just is.

Thanks.

Glad to have helped!

Actually I have a concern. After reading your article on idols not getting paid, as a BABY I worry a lil since Daehyun bought a house for his parents in his hometown and he lives in his own flat now. Is there a case when the idol is not fucked up except for building his/her own company ?
Thank you

Some of the long-standing groups do make some money.  Just not very many of them!

Just need to say that as a Brazilian OMFG NORTHERN HEMISPHERE PRIVILEGE IS SUCH A BITCH WHY CAN’T I HAVE A SNOWY CHRISTMAS AT LEAST ONCE IT’S ALWAYS FUCKING 40 DEGREES OUTSIDE I WANNA DIE

I feel this.

Why are you letting Taylor Swift write you surveys now.

Sorry, the old Kpopalypse can’t come to the phone right now.

I really think if you cut down on the really irrelevant content that has really nothing with do with K-Pop’s latest happenings or reviews or commentary about the industry/fandom, your blog will be much better. The fanfics, dreams, and other stuff that have nothing to do with what’s actually in the K-Pop world just seems way too self-indulgent and pointless.

What is blogging if not self-indulgence?

I love these surveys. Keep them coming. I love your blog. It’s one of the only ways I can stay up to date with the world of kpop without losing my shit over all the dumb idiots out there on the other websites I have to share this hobby/obsession/music preference with (at least around here I only have to deal with one of them). And I’m even learning stuff in the meantime which I can use against my friends (or people who wrongly consider themselves to be part of that very exclusive group) every time any of them starts talking about stuff like how they only listen to “real music” that’s “real art” unlike “that capitalist anti-art called pop music”. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. And I’m not even being the least bit sarcastic over here.

Thanks for reading!

10/10 would complete again

You’ll get your chance in approximately six months when the next bi-yearly survey is due!  Thanks to all readers for participating in the survey!  Kpopalypse will return!

5 thoughts on “The Kpopalypse 2017 survey of caonima action – the results!

  1. Great advice with a twist:
    …If I can get laid, you can.
    …(my asian parents believe that politicians are either corrupt gangsters, or get killed off by corrupt gangsters).
    Your Asian parents are correct! Given the choice between those two options, just for self-preservation’s sake I’d recommend being a corrupt gangster.
    …And thanks again for a wonderful pic of Umji at the end! (She’s so adorable I always smile when she smiles.) I’m writing a fanfic where she’s insanely intelligent, always 6 steps ahead of everyone (and 7 ahead of Sowon) and running a master spy operation while keeping up her maknae duties…

  2. AHAHAH! AHAHAHAHA! (Mandark laugh)
    I can’t believe my complaint was featured, lol (hint the one about going al caonima on Ajs face).
    So aparently if I randomly went my annoyance with him (I don’t really hate the guy, much like you I don’t always agree with him, but that still won’t stop me from reading his shitty blog of “most objective or whatever the fuck journalism”) my complaint will get featured.

    Just as planned.

    • What really made me want to feature your complaint was actually some of the contrasting complaints. I wanted to demonstrate that for each person who wants one thing there’s often someone else complaining who wants something opposite. Yours wasn’t the only complaint about AJ by the way, just the most amusing.

  3. I believe the reader saying “…but Q.6 gave me a headache. Who even is that? When did Yooa join AoA?…” is confused because there is a YooA in OMG working as Patreon helper and there is Aoa’s Yuna, probably regretting not leaving her slavery contract when Choa did.

    That picture has so little photoshop I couldn’t recognise either.

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