It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out this week’s new releases!
BTS – DNA
What a big ball of nothing BTS have so far proved to be ever since the promising “War Of Hormone“. Just because something’s popular doesn’t mean it’s good (or bad) by default. Hitler had millions of followers at one point too, you know. They thought they were all cool, after all there were so many of them, and their hands all went up together at the same time – how could they possibly be wrong?
Loona/Odd Eye Circle – Girl Front
Fuck dancing out in the desert. At least it’s not the Australian desert, or Loona’s members would get eaten faster than they’d get added to the group at the snail’s pace they company are revealing them.
April – Take My Hand
This song might take a bit of adjusting to when listening because it’s actually good and you’re probably not used to that.
IU – Last Night Story
With all the boring slow rock in Korea, I didn’t know there were drummers who lived over there who could play this fast. Don’t have a heart attack or over-strain your gaming hand, fuck.
IU – Sleepless Rainy Night
IU looks like she’s bored here, as well she might be.
Sechskies – Something Special
It’s a reggae-lite comeback, because when I think about reggae, I think about the fucking dick going in the pussy.
Sugarbowl – Crusin’
Yeah nah. I’m good thanks.
Rania – Breathe Heavy
No longer “BP” Rania as the Black Person left (BP actually stood for “Black Pearl” – how tokenistic and cheesy, right?) but still with unusually decent songwriting this time around. Their songwriter even made this slow bullshit work somehow, probably by having an actual melody and chords and not some semi-improvised blues-scale fucking wank.
Neil & Justhis – Good
Toot toot I think I hear Thomas the Tank Engine except his name’s Neil and won’t stop fucking singing.
Sechskies – Smile
This song is clearly for later when the dick has already been in the pussy.
Lay – I Need U
Weird breakdown aside this is just dull.
Hazeblue – Time Travel
What do all these soft-ass Korean bands do. Where do they play. Is there really a demand for this type of gig?
Fanxy – Hug
Don’t pick your nose while riding on your skateboard you fucking grot. Nobody wants your mobile boogers.
Crucial Star ft. Han-all – Study Abroad
You’ll wish you were travelling backwards in time too, to a few seconds before you pressed play on this bullshit song.
Monogram – The Child
This could have been good but the song isn’t there.
Masstige – Dama
This girl plays the piano to try and get the horrible Autotuned R&B voices insider her head to shut up, but remains tormented. The saddest drama video of 2017.
Sunny 2 Morrow ft. Heyne – Single Rider
You’ll go blind looking at the sun like that. Keep doing it so you can’t read sheet music anymore thanks.
Eunkwang – One Day
Another ballad like every Korean ballad ever.
Siwoo – Night Time
And here’s more. Some songs are just shit and there’s nothing else to say.
Icepuff & H2adin – What Sub?
Not everything in bonus songs is shit though, sometimes it’s just stuff that I can’t play on the radio because I can’t find the music for it. Not that this is exactly great or anything but at least it doesn’t sound like popping ten valiums at once unlike just about everything else here.
SPECIAL BONUS RETRO SONG
Sunnyhill – The Grasshopper Song
How much BPM can you handle? Sunnyhill were great when they had some pace to their songs and weren’t being fucking boring as shit. Why they transitioned into a crap ballad group just before disbanding I don’t know but this song here was cool as were most of their songs until that dude who was writing all their decent material flew the coop and then they started sucking incredibly. Let’s all remember how awesome this group once were.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!