It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
Day6 – What Can I Do
The one time I forget to review a Day6 monthly comeback on schedule and it’s their best one in a while. It’s still a bit soft and with too much smooth layered brass dulling the sound, but at least it’s not their usual fucking Coldplay shit.
Sunmi – Gashina
Guess what overused boring pop subgenre this particular pop song is? Here’s a clue: it starts with T and ends with “ropical shithouse”.
DIA – Can’t Stop
It’s all very well doing “nostalgia” concepts or whatever the fuck they’re calling school uniform fap concepts this week, but if you don’t have the songwriting skills it’s all for nothing. Maybe that weird number they have at the end is the amount of times they went into the studio to try and write something actually good before they just fucking gave up.
Pristin – We Like
What even is this. It’s like Pledis keep trying to outweird After School’s “Bang!” and while I appreciate the effort to be different especially in today’s trend-encrusted pop landscape, you need the basic building blocks of a good song before you can do shit like this with it.
Victon – Unbelieveable
Looks the part but once again a song is seriously missing.
Momoland – Freeze
Nothing that special but at least it has an actual chorus, so we’re already doing better than most of the other big groups this week.
S.I.S – I’ve Got A Feeling
What the fuck. A really good song (for fucking once) AND one of the girls out-chipmunks every other k-pop singer ever, 2011 Raina included.
S2 – Honeya
This is good too. The extreme nugu groups are killing it this week.
BP Rania – Beep Beep Beep
The song is actually seriously good, Rania’s best since “Style“, and if I were Alex I’d be absolutely livid too. Hey Alex don’t forget to flick me an email (contact details here) if you want to do that interview with me that everyone is begging you to do (and for good reason).
Great Guys – Last Men
And again with an actual good song! Someone actually remembered to write a proper tune for a boy group instead of just have them aimlessly warble all over the blues scale. But then I guess the Korean Music Quality Police stormed into the studio and decided that the song was sounding too good for regulatory requirements and they made the producer put in shitty trap and dubstep breakdowns that kill all the song’s momentum. Oh well.
High Teen – Would U
No I would not.
Hoody – Hangang
Probably the best Hoody song yet, you know it’s a weird week in k-pop when Hoody doesn’t completely suck.
Aleph – Fall In Love Again
When the most interesting thing about a song is that the suitcase in the video doesn’t have wheels, you know that we’re reaching Yoona-levels of boredom.
Nick & Sammy – Belong To Me
I didn’t expect much but it’s actually okay.
Heize – In The Time Spent With You
One day Heize will probably not suck. Today is not that day.
Kassy – Let It Rain
Nice try with the stripes but it’s going to take more than that to get a good review here.
Trophy Cat & Edward Avila – Body
It’s that lame sound everyone else wets themselves over in 2017 but Kpopalypse doesn’t give a fuck about.
Hur Young Ji – Memory Clock
I remember when k-pop didn’t suck this much.
Cando – Fun Fun
Someone commented “I really like an MV wtih a white border” on YouTube, and it’s one of the most popular comments there. You know the song itself is pretty unexciting if a bar of blank space at the top actually upstaged it.
Sanchez ft. Yong Jun Hyung – Mesmerised
Whenever I see Sanchez is in a song, which unfortunately is every week lately it seems, I always think of a “dirty sanchez” and about how they’re similar in so many ways.
Jade ft. Seungmin – Completely Yours
Korean slow jazz is like Australian rap. It just shouldn’t be happening at all. There is no excuse for this.
Hailey Rose – Masks
More jazz cancer. This song throws some jazz chords into the mix but jazz chords are really just normal chords with wrong notes added.
Jisook & Ilhoon – Baeisis
Don’t be fooled, nobody actually writes songs in the studio unless they have their own studio, or they’re made of money. You go in there with your shit already prepared in advance so you can optimise the time and come out under budget. Singers don’t sprawl their lyrics sheets all over the console like that, the enginner says “get the fuck out, that’s my chair bitch”.
Pungdeng-E – Noodle Song
The biggest social injustice for me in k-pop this week is that we can’t have any more Crayon Pop or Orange Caramel but we still have to put up with this rubbish childrens TV hour music. Pungdeng-E are more than bad, they are straight up immoral.
Idol School – We’re Beautiful
I missed this when it came out and I’m glad I did. This is completely terrifying. It would only be more terrifying if it was an American group, because then they’d also all have guns.
SPECIAL BONUS RETRO SONG
Kara – Pretty Girl (school rock version)
If you wanna special bonus retro song, every wanna special retro bonus song.
That’s all for Kpopalypse for this week, more new releases in Roundup next week!