It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s check out this week’s new releases!
T-ara – What’s My Name?
Somewhat better than the regular tropical shithouse due to keeping that signature toot-toot fucking shit somewhat muted, but by T-ara standards this is still a bit poor.
NCT 127 – Cherry Bomb
This is pretty out there, but in a good way this time, it actually goes harder than all the hip-hop this week.
Vermuda – Dream Girl
The usual meandering boring bullshit that passes as a k-pop debut song these days.
Girls Next Door – Deep Blue Eyes
Yay more tropical shithouse because 3296876 songs this year with exactly this sound wasn’t enough.
Nicky Park – Fly High
Okay so this kid both looks and sounds like an autist but this isn’t tropical shithouse so I’m prepared to give it a pass.
Bolballgan Puberty & 20 Years Of Age – We Loved
This is boring, and that singer from Bolballgan needs to go back to the shorter hair, it suited her more.
John Park – Do Not Disturb
You would be wise not to disturb your ears with this music video.
Just Music – Carnival Gang
For some reason when Black Nut raps they throw in a little bit of extra rhythm and it kinda makes the song suck a bit less, just for that moment. It’s still pretty bad though.
Keebomb – Taxi Driver
Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Well who the hell else are you talking to… are you talking to me? Well I’m the only one here… because everyone else left, because this song sucks.
Astrid Holiday – New Beginning
If you can’t be nice about this boring white woman’s marble-mouthed Lim Kim impersonation you’re a dirty racist.
Glabingo – In A Party
Whenever the It G Ma colour schemes and overlays start coming out you know straight away that whatever it is is not worth your time.
Just as bad but this time in that Jay Park yolo lite kind of way.
BewhY – Scar
Look at him trying to look all hard and shit, meanwhile SM’s latest boy band actually made a better rap track. Have we really lost touch with hip-hop that much in this day an age that this is the best Korean rappers can do?
6 to 8 – I’m Fine
Any group named after a time of the day is always going to produce mainly crap, because if they couldn’t be bothered with a proper name they usually couldn’t be bothered with proper songs either.
We Are Young – 99%
This is the sort of music that people in bands play as a bit of inside joking around between songs that they actually want to play.
Piano Man – No More
This video has two people in it drinking lots of soju and passing out which seems like a much better idea than listening to this song.
Yozoh- Let It Shine
Jazz is morally wrong and maybe Asian Junkie should write long semi-horrified rants about that instead of which dumbass Korean idol did something dumbass this week.
The Night Of Seokyo – Never Forget Me
Sorry, too late. Who are these losers again?
Heedo – Tour Of Korea
I’m not sure if I’m more puzzled about what this song is for, why it has stupid letterboxing, or why someone though it was a good idea to make a k-pop song that sounded like Senser. Beats more tropical shithouse, I guess.
SPECIAL BONUS RETRO SONG
Chocolat – Black Tinkerbell
Chocolat’s Melanie said in her interview with me that her group never went viral, but boy did OneHallyu try to make that happen. There was someone on there who used to use any excuse to post the “Black Tinkerbell” video up and it became a weird forum in-joke for a while. I never really found out why they picked this particular song and whether the stanning was genuine or ironic, but it’s definitely the pick of the bunch from Chocolat’s feature track repertiore.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!