Welcome to another episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert! It’s time to check out some more nugus!
When I was growing up I was often sad a lot, and I put it down to circumstance – I just thought that I was miserable all of the time because I was an ugly virgin loser that no girls liked and I was getting picked on at school, this seemed like a logical enough conclusion. As I progressed from my teen years into my 20s and 30s, I gradually managed to sort out many of life’s pressing issues – over time I acquired employment that I liked, a long-term relationship with a hot girlfriend, membership in some cool bands, a healthy lifestyle, a motor vehicle and real-estate and I’d even discovered this great k-pop group called T-ara… but for some reason I was still really sad. I guess it wasn’t my life circumstances making me miserable after all, but something else.
I knew deep down that I should get someone to look at what was obviously a mental health issue of some kind, but I put off seeing a doctor for quite some time – by this stage in my life I had several friends who were diagnosed with clinical depression, and all of them were on prescribed medications for it. I heard from these friends that the side-effects of antidepressant medication were often quite extreme and included loss of libido, weight gain and a much higher likelihood of developing diabetes, none of which sounded very appealing. “Fuck it, I’d rather just live with the depression than fuck my life up that badly with side-effects”, I thought to myself, as the cure seemed like it might actually be worse than the illness. However a few years ago the depression got so bad that I really felt that I was losing my grip on life itself, and I should at least get my ass along to a doctor just to see what they would say. I figured I could always just refuse to take any medication if I didn’t want to take it, but at least I should hear them out and have an open mind.
When I told my doctor about depression I was relieved, as he didn’t jump to prescribe antidepressants straight away, but instead asked me to take a blood test. When the results came back the doctor discovered that my body was severely deficient in vitamin B12. He explained that Vitamin B12 deficiency was quite common in non-meat-eaters (I rarely ate meat at the time), and also was a leading cause of people going gradually mad and being sent to insane asylums hundreds of years ago. Of course back then people didn’t know what vitamins were, but some boldly experimental person did find out that they could rectify many cases of depression by getting the sufferer to drink raw liver juice. Later when vitamins were discovered, some smart sciencey people worked out a way to put the abnormally high levels of vitamin B12 that was present in the juice into a syringe, so people didn’t have to drink gross raw liver juice anymore. Happy that he’d found the solution, the doctor started giving me regular B12 injections and my depression was about 90% better within a week.
Even though I’m rarely depressed these days, I still remember what it was like, and the depression while mostly cured does still linger around and come back in a softer form from time to time as my brain chemistry has been permanently altered by several years of synaptic buttfuckery before I discovered what was actually wrong. I reckon the people in the following music videos know all about what depression is like, too. This episode of Kpopalyspe Nugu Alert is dedicated to showcasing people in music videos who look even more depressed than Kpopalypse was in his teenage years. Please enjoy the following selections!
Usual Nugu Alert rules apply:
- Less than 20,000 YouTube views
- Nobody outside of Korea cares
- Relevant to Kpopalypse
Let’s get started!
Yu Soliy – Hey You, Don’t Do That
Holy fucking shit look at this miserable fuck. Not only does he not give a shit about eating, he cares even less about sport than Kpopalypse. The last time I was ever a “goalie” was in school when I was forced to do that bullshit and I sucked almost as much as this guy, but at least I’d make some kind of vague non-committal leap so that way I could stay as goalie instead of be forced to run around the oval like everyone else. Anyway then the girl goes to a hospital and cries for no obvious reason and then we see the guy eating food and then that’s it. Fuck knows what it’s all supposed to mean but these are some miserable cunts and when I watch this video I feel really happy about myself and grateful for my life because at least I’m not one of these two. I’m not sure if that’s the intended effect or what but watching this video certainly made me feel better about my life. Also this is easily the best song for this episode.
YouTube views at time of writing: 3835
Notable attribute: music video is actually completely tinted light grey just in case you weren’t understimulated enough
Nugu Alert rating: high
Lope – Omitted
Here’s another fucking morose individual. It must be a hard life being a Korean R&B/rap singer by the look of this serial-facepalmer. However there doesn’t seem to be much of an attempt at a story here, the video consists solely of “person is miserable in a location and then moves to another location, where he is also miserable”. At one point he seems to have a bit of trouble walking upright in a straight line and wobbles around on his feet a bit but I’m unsure whether this is the result of actual depression or if he’s just trying to walk like someone who has taken their own body weight in valium because it’s supposed to look cool or something to stagger around like a drunken bitch. However he really shouldn’t risk walking in the middle of the street like that because this is South Korea so some crazy driver is probably going to come scooting down that hill and fuck up his shit accidentally… or maybe on purpose, while screaming out the window “hey, I got an R&B singer – extra points!”.
YouTube views at time of writing: 4362
Notable attribute: at 1:48 he walks past and completely ignores a Subway restaurant which shows that he probably has better taste in food than he has in music
Nugu Alert rating: very high
Unfair – Song For You
You know you’re dealing with a miserable cunt when their artist name is “Unfair”. It’s kind of like they’re asking for shitty contracts and extreme nugudom right out of the gate, it feels like the pop industry equivalent of someone wearing a “kick me” sign on their back. However the biggest unfairness here seems to be the song itself, some truly horrid R&B trash which is by far the worst song out of these three. The video director didn’t seem too impressed with it either, happily obscuring a large chunk of this time-dragging nowhereville garbage with some dialogue from the female actress about god knows what, let’s hope for the artist’s sake that it’s songwriting tips. At the end of the video she takes her earbuds out after listening to the song and looks shell-shocked as all fuck, you can almost hear her sigh as if someone took a massive shit inside her eardrum and now she’s going to have to go to the doctor to get it sucked out.
YouTube views at time of writing: 1141
Notable attribute: boomerang visible behind the girl in a transparent attempt to appeal to Australian patriotism and collect a good review on Kpopalypse Nugu Alert – Kpopalypse will not reward such cheat tactics!
Nugu Alert rating: extreme
That’s all for another episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert! Hopefully these depressing nugus have helped you appreciate the good fortune in your own life! Kpopalypse will return in the future with more nugus for you to enjoy!