It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out this week’s new releases!
Twice – Signal
I actually listen all the way through every song I feature in roundup (unless I specifically say in the text that I don’t), and this song is a good example why. The first minute will make you want to smash your stereo but then like magic, a song worth listening to appears.
VIXX – Shangri-La
“Sophisticated” in that boring R&B way that might impress anyone under the age of 8 but that anyone who actually likes music will yawn over.
Honeyst – Like You
Is it meant to be said like “Honey Street” or like a really drunken, slurred version of “Honest”? I’m not sure but this is like Busker Busker except maybe only 35% as shit.
Dumfounddead ft. Dok2, Simon Dominic, Tiger JK – Hyung
Absolutely rubbish like everything Doubfounddead does. Can we get a proper beat motherfucker?
Dok2 ft. Kim Hyoeun – Wattup
No matter how weird world politics gets this week, Dok2 releasing a feature track that’s actually half-decent will always be weirder.
Dean ft. Syd – Love
Even Dean doesn’t completely suck this week for some reason (although this is still a long, long way from “good”, just to be clear). At least he’s not spelling his name that stupid way anymore, I guess that’s something.
Isu – Sequence
I’d probably like this song more if I hadn’t heard 38765 other songs that sound exactly like it so far this year.
Sohee – Spotlight
Sorry it’s not feminist icon Sohee from The Wonder Girls so you can put your hard dicks and clits away, there’s nothing to see here except more tropical shithouse infuences and general boredom.
Lim Chang Jung – You Tell Me
It would be great if when the bullet hit the song just stopped and never started again.
Luhan – Say It
I think I like Luhan better when he’s laughably silly rather than when he’s just boring.
Urban Zakapa – Alone
This is the sort of music you buy on CD and then leave in the plastic because you just wanted to say that you bought it but you can’t be fucked actually listening to it.
Cheeze – Be There
Microdot ft. Kangnam, Kim Byung-man – Welcome To The Jungle
Not Guns N Roses and it’s probably just as well. Female pop singers trying to all be Beyonshit is bad enough, can you imagine if all the guys started singing like Axl Rose.
Roy Kim – Egoist
Roy Kim is never good for some reason.
Romantic Punch – Fantasy Express
Hey, Kim Hyun Joong’s new rock band isn’t bad. SS501 forever!
Asien – Kill Bill
Skolor must be moving up in the world since he was featured on Nugu Alert if he can afford to use parts of a Tarantino film in his video… oh wait
SPECIAL RETRO BONUS SONG
Hello Venus – Sticky Sticky
People complained about Bravesound back in the day but I’ll take even the lesser of his retro upbeat tracks over the constant influx of tropical shithouse and R&B trash which infests k-pop in 2017. We don’t know how good we had it.
That’s all for this week’s Kpopalypse roundup – more next week!