Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 15/5/2017

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

Scan-dol of the week – Soyul (Crayon Pop)

 

PSY – New Face

The song isn’t great but I appreciate the public service PSY provides for k-pop’s fappable ladies by introducing a new one to the west occasionally, that’s his real cultural value.

PSY – I Luv It

This song isn’t great either but… oh wait there’s only the PPAP guy in this one, that’s good, it means I don’t even have to give a shit.

Hitchhiker & Taeyong – Around

Okay so SM Station heard my complaints and finally made something that isn’t a fucking ballad.  I guess next week it’ll be back to the usual bullshit so enjoy this while you can.

Unnies – Right?

I don’t even know what this is really and I don’t usually cover OST stuff and I don’t even like it at all but I know people will ask about it if I don’t put it here.  Also is that Hong Jin Young in 0.5 seconds of this video, I think I can squeeze out a fap in that time.

Navi ft. DinDin – Are You In Love?

Reasonable enough MBK-style mid-paced trot ballad ruined with scat vocal and too much trying to be “funky”.  Also stop doing that vertical letterboxing shit, nobody wants to see that.

Jay Park – Hulk Hogan

Yeah nah.  I’m good, thanks.

Loona ft. Jinsoul – Everyday I Need You

Everyday I need you to fuck off.

BONUS SONGS

Navid – Not Coming Back To Me

She looks like someone gave her a guitar for the first time 30 seconds ago.  “Oooh look at me – with a guitar!” – whoop-de-doo you boring cunt.

Defconn – Bobae Dream

It’s a bit sad when some TV show host has better rap songs than most of the rappers.  I’m not sure if that says more about TV in Korea or rap in Korea.

Soom ft. Sanchez – TBH

A slightly better beat than usual for this type of trash, but it’s still trash.

Young Cream – Night

The night is probably the best time to experience young cream.

Don Malik – Yellow

Oh look he’s wearing a flag, that must mean he agrees with everything that flag stands for, because context is never important.

Rich Chigga, Keith Ape, XXXTentacion – Gospel

This song makes me want to write a review of it that doesn’t give my opinion of the song.

Stylo-Bille ft Chillin Ovatime‚ Da Soul – Dope Shit

And this is the lame crap that we now have to put up with thanks to Keith Ape.

Cherry Factory – Don’t Be Mad

That blonde girl is trying to pull off “cute” but she looks like a heroin addict in rehab, it’s unsettling to watch.  I kept watching her expecting her to suddenly start crying and demanding food.

Rex.D – some acoustic bullshit

Some acoustic bullshit.

Ovan – For Real

This is like tropical shithouse where he couldn’t be bothered with the music part so he just wore a Hawaiian shirt instead and figured that’ll do.

Boheme – I Am Me

Dull jazz-lite ballads aren’t just for the big artists.  Boredom is a democracy.

Year 7 Class 1 – Oppa Virus (acoustic version)

You know it’s a shit week in music when Year 7 Class 1 get their only good song and try to make it as shit as possible.  Also the Rhodes is an electric piano and shouldn’t be allowed on “acoustic” songs.  I feel like they released this deliberately to fuck with me.  At least they look great.

Rose – Knock Knock #2(20:32)

You know you need to report your ex-boyfriend to the police when he makes a song and titles it with the exact time he turned up unannounced at your door to try and “save the relationship” even though you told him firmly to fuck off six months ago.

Lee Hanchul & Now – Have A Good Time

I’m sure these kids were just roped into this because it was for school or something.  Don’t special school projects suck.

Cool Jae Hoon Lee – Jeju Island

Despite how they’re trying to make it look, no they did not record this shit song on the fucking beach.  Nice try though.

GIRLS BEING BORED IN BALLAD VIDEOS CLEARING HOUSE SECTION

Richard Parkers – Today

That woman looks as bored as I am.

Ha Dong Qn – The Maze Of Reality

This girl doesn’t even give a shit about all the acid-trip stuff happening around her, it can’t break her out of her ballad coma.

Letter Flow – Enough

And this woman looks completely devastated.  Forget the North, maybe America should invade South Korea and liberate girls from ballad oppression instead.

SPECIAL RETRO BONUS SONG

Psy – Gangnam Style

I guess I can get a review for this song out of the fucking way, finally.  The first time I heard Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway To Heaven” I was probably about 12 years old and I thought it was a cool song.  I probably also enjoyed it the next 20, 30, maybe even 50 times after that, but now I’m on about the 1206th listen and FUCK that song.  I only pity the poor Led Zeppelin members who surely must be even more sick of the fucking thing than I am.  That’s kind of how I feel about “Gangnam Style”.  At first it was great to randomly hear a k-pop song blaring from a neighbour’s backyard party in a suburb where that would normally never happen, but now when I hear it I just want to throw a brick over the fence, preferably with T-ara’s “Absolute First Album” attached.  “Gangnam Style” of course isn’t that bad a song once you strip away the annoying overexposure generated by its cultural impact, but it’s also not that great of a song once you strip away the funny video that makes so much of it work.  I think we all know that the only reason why people liked the song so much back in the day was because they were imagining the video content inside their heads as they were listening.  The silver lining is that it’s always good to rub it into whatever fandom is crowing about their idols’ supposedly amazing American successes this week that a tubby Korean guy nearly my age broke through the American market in a way that they’ll never be able to.

8 thoughts on “Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 15/5/2017

  1. PSY’s title tracks are declining in quality real fast. LUV IT’s chorus is just grating, New face is alright… but song feels so empty at several parts. At least the MV is interesting af as always.

  2. Unnies is a project group of Sister’s Slam Dunk and Hong Jinyoung is part of that group. I wouldn’t call it an OST, it’s an actual release.

    Defconn is primarily a rapper and has been rapping for more than 15 years while his hosting career only started in 2011 with Weekly Idol.

    Please get your facts straight, oppa. 😮

    • Primarily a rapper? I sincerely doubt he’ll ever get NEAR the exposure as a rapper he gets on WI… If he never mentions that side of him on the show, would we ever hear him rap in the woods…?

      • I guess we have different definitions of primarily then. If you go by exposure, sure, WI gave him more of that than his rapping did in the 15+ years of his career. But to me it sounded like kpopalypse was assuming that he was primarily a host and that rap single came out of nowhere, when that’s not the case. In fact, Defconn won an award for best Hip-Hop album in 2004. And yes, I know kpopalypse can’t be fucked to research any of that, but this is all information you can find within less than a minute by looking him up on Wikipedia.

  3. Year 7 Class 1 – Oppa Virus – One hopes their stylist gets a virus and dies in their own puke. and that goes for their hair stylist, too. There, now I feel better. In other news, I always put Kpopalypse favs in my current playlist ’cause the man does have good ears.

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