Inquiring minds may wish to know how to best ensure coverage by Asian Junkie, the most relevant true k-pop journalism site of all time. If you’ve been wondering about this, Kpopalypse is here to help you!
Asian Junkie is a k-pop blogsite, and one of the last bastions of “true journalism” in k-pop writing where all the news is true, truthful and trufaxual. It’s naturally everybody’s lifelong dream to be covered by a site with such high standards of truthful truthiness, so for the benefit of any k-pop industry types who read my blog (and I know some of you do) I’ve decided to run some stats on Asian Junkie to determine the best strategies for gaining coverage.
Strategy: be a racist k-pop idol
The above chart shows the amount posts on Asian Junkie relating to racism, since January 2015.
Accessibility: it’s easy to gain coverage via this method, just perform an act of hot, spicy racism. Painting your face to resemble a south-east Asian is enough to potentially gain entry into this category, as is singing the word “negro” in a song containing the word “negro” in the lyrics, these are two methods that have proven to be effective, but there may be others so feel free to experiment. Don’t forget to also apologise later for your actions, be sure to do so a couple of days after the event as this will generate an extra post evaluating the sincerity level of your apology. Non-idols need not apply – nobody cares if you’re racist if you’re not also famous.
Reward: racists can expect a maximum of five posts dedicated to their actions per month.
Popularity: the trend line shows that this method is gradually increasing.
Strategy: be a victim or perpetrator of domestic violence
The above chart shows the amount posts on Asian Junkie relating to domestic violence, since January 2015.
Accessibility: being a perpetrator is accessible to anybody but carries with it potential legal/personal complications such as jail time and social ostracision. Being a victim on the other hand does not have such drawbacks but however is also less accessible, as not everybody gets targeted for domestic violence.
Reward: at his peak Asian Junkie has posted about domestic violence 6 times per month.
Popularity: the trend line shows that this method is gradually decreasing. Kpopalypse recommends that anybody considering domestic violence purely for the side-benefits of coverage on Asian Junkie make the switch to racism instead.
Strategy: be a victim or perpetrator of sexual assault
The above chart shows the amount posts on Asian Junkie relating to sexual assault, since January 2015.
Accessibility: much the same accessibility issues as domestic violence above.
Reward: a phenomenal 23 posts per month were made by Asian Junkie when covering a sexual assault case last year. That’s a lot of media coverage on the world’s most trufaxy true k-pop journalism site! You probably couldn’t even buy this coverage off Asian Junkie given how committed to journalistic integrity the site is.
Popularity: despite the huge spike, the trend here is only increasing very gradually, therefore despite the extremely large amount of potential traffic, the costs in jail time (for perpetrators and victims, this is Korean justice, remember) may outweigh these factors.
Strategy: be in K-Tigers
The above chart shows the amount posts on Asian Junkie relating to K-Tigers, since January 2015. K-Tigers are a relatively new group, hence the coverage has only commenced recently.
Accessibility: you will need to be a member of K-Tigers to gain coverage via this method. This presents a potential barrier to many, as not only strictly choreographed dancing but also extremely finely-honed martial-arts skills are required.
Reward: at their peak K-Tigers were receiving 16 posts per month on Asian Junkie, that’s one post every second day! However as a member of K-Tigers, you’re also less likely to appear in the sexual assault and domestic violence graphs above, so the coverage likelihood stat has to also factor this influence.
Popularity: the trend line shows that this method is exponentially increasing. It could definitely be worthwhile auditioning for K-Tigers to reap the benefits of future coverage.
Strategy: be in Crayon Pop
The above chart shows the amount posts on Asian Junkie relating to Crayon Pop, since January 2015.
Accessibility: you will need to be a member of Crayon Pop to gain coverage via this method. However with Crayon Pop one member short and the group’s future in doubt, now seems like the opportune time to offer them your services. Membership in Crayon Pop’s flower-picking, cats-out-of-trees-getting good-deed-doing organised-crime-what-never-heard-of-it-nope fanbase offshoot Way’s Girls may also potentially qualify you for coverage under this method.
Reward: Crayon Pop has been written about up to 12 times per month in the past, however…
Popularity: the graph shows that Crayon Pop coverage is gradually declining.
Strategy: be in T-ara
The above chart shows the amount posts on Asian Junkie relating to T-ara, since January 2015.
Accessibility: you do not need to be a member of T-ara to gain coverage via this method, as ex-member Hwayoung has proven by getting her tits out in public whenever a T-ara comeback is near and absorbing article coverage like a cum-sponge. Mentioning that you were once in T-ara or nearly in T-ara or maybe did nail styling for them one time ought to be enough.
Reward: T-ara has been written about up to 16 times per month in the past, that’s as much as K-Tigers!
Popularity: the trend line indicates that T-ara coverage is gradually increasing. Don’t expect Hwayoung’s propped-up titties to be going anywhere anytime soon.
Strategy: be not-Raina
The above chart shows the amount posts on Asian Junkie relating to not-Raina, since January 2015.
Accessibility: you might not be Raina, but only not-Raina is not just not Raina but also not-Raina. Therefore you are not not-Raina, or Raina, unless you are not-Raina, in which case you are also not Raina, as well as not-Raina.
Reward: not-Raina can expect up to five posts per month, maximum, for not being Raina.
Popularity: the trend line indicates that not-Raina coverage is decreasing. It does not appear to be worth being not-Raina, even if you are not Raina.
Strategy: be an Asian Junkie writer
The above chart shows the amount of posts written (or claimed to have been written) by Kpopalypse that were published on Asian Junkie, since January 2015.
Accessibility: I have no idea what Asian Junkie’s selection process for writers is. He just emailed me one day. I guess it’s a bit like the Skull & Sones “shoulder tap”.
Reward: you can expect at most six posts per month, if my experience is anything to go by. However also expect long stretches with no posts at all because Asian Junkie couldn’t be fucked editing your articles.
Popularity: Kpopalypse posts on Asian Junkie are gradually decreasing, what could be the reason? Could it be that Asian Junkie is holding out publishing space for writers with better boobs?
Strategy: be an Asian Junkie writer with better boobs
The above chart shows the amount of posts written (or claimed to have been written) by Betsy that were published on Asian Junkie, since January 2015.
Accessibility: I don’t know the story of how Betsy came to write for Asian Junkie but it probably had something to do with Betsy having better boobs.
Reward: you can expect a whopping sixteen posts per month, which is a lot! However there will also once again be long stretches with no posts at all.
Popularity: frequency of Betsy articles are also gradually decreasing, however still are at twice the level of Kpopalypse articles.
This post is dedicated to my Patreon subscribers – enjoy your reward!
Thanks for reading, hopefully this post has provided some help for those struggling with media coverage! Don’t forget to read Asian Junkie and check it often for important updates (mostly about K-Tigers). Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon!
17 thoughts on “How to be covered on Asian Junkie, the world’s most true trufaxual k-pop journalism site”
It’s funny because it’s true
I clearly don’t follow Asianjunkie closely anymore since I don’t remember any posts on kTigers.
I always think it’s hilarious when someone is called racist for singing any variation of negro in a song they didn’t write, and that explanation that the original writer/singer is black is just fucking stupid, if a song is racist it’s because the lyrics are racist, it doesn’t matter who sings it. Next is: I’m going to play this theme from Bach, but wait this part is offensive against germans, Bach was german and only germans can play it the way he wrote it without being offensive, I have to censor this part or change it for something that sounds similar… What the fuck is this logic !?
I mean you’re free to question that logic, but the fact that you are shitting on that logic while using this terrible analogy is hilarious.
The analogy is fine, I am talking about music. If you can’t see that, well that’s not my problem.
No, it’s not particularly funny.
Strategy: Be me.
It’s super effective!
Don’t try to explain libtard mentality. No really, don’t. (especially not in Asian junkie comments)
Fact is this new SJW trend has one central trait to it, and that is to throw logic out the window no matter what the topic of discusion is, and to always be the victim ofcourse, so you can cry about how the whole world is out to get you.
“Unlike me, tough dude who’s crying about people suggesting that maybe one shouldn’t use slurs.”
IATFB can you please tell me how to PM you. been meaning to have a disscusion with you on this very topic just to pick your brain. If you want to pick me up on it please let me know.
Strategy: Be me.
It’s super effective!
Well it seems that some people took a minute to read this, so I want to elaborate a bit. What really bothers me is whenever someone sings ‘x’ variation of negro the comments go in line with: how dares this ‘person’ sing ‘x’ word (that is in the lyrics), that ‘person’ is racist. When comments should be in the line of: how dares this person sing that ‘song’ (that has ‘x’ word in the lyrics), that ‘song’ is racist and no one should sing it.
The performer isn’t racist for singing a song, is the song itself that is racist. Obviously, if the performer is racist, he/she is going to choose a racist song to sing, but the fact that he/she sings that song doesn’t make him/her racist, many people don’t even know what they are singing, just an example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQt-h753jHI
(If the link doesn’t show, it’s a video of Valentina Hassan singing Without You or Ken Lee as she thought it was)
No Jisoo chart, no Jang Moonbok chart, no prostitution chart.
If you felt this post was lacking, that means it’s functioning as intended.
Can I leave a critical post here without it turning into an antagonistic argument? I used to be an avid reader – often very well written, informative articles, sometimes absolutely hilarious. That post about Gackt’s Instagram literally had me on the floor wheezing with laughter for about half an hour.
Increasingly though….I feel like sticking pins in my eyes after reading. I mean I feel even more wound up than after reading The Daily Mail. I’m not even sure why – I don’t think it’s the hypocrisy or the lack of consistency, both of which could be forgiven due to the nature of the site. It might be the sheer levels of both. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m often left questioning whether the commenters have enough tar and feathers and indeed whether the articles set the tone for that.
Sadly, still one of the most interesting kpop blogs aside from this one. Maybe I need to stick to Soompi if I can’t handle the misanthropy. What about the yellow slug, he seemed like a nice, positive chap, does he still write? I can’t google him as I suffer from molluscophobia and photos I wouldn’t like would most likely come up.
You mean people not liking Henry, so you start to draw analogies between gawking at hot chicks/dudes and criticizing those who rummage through other people’s underwear?
Hypocrisy seems … incorrect.
Seems like most of the time this type of criticism comes up it’s never addressed directly and is always an indirect because they know it’s mostly due to one of their faves (Super Junior in this case) getting slighted and not anything based in reason.
It’s fine to feel that way, of course, but to see people make it this grand thing about the site and not about them personally is always amusing. The site didn’t change, your fee fees got hurt. That’s it.
Complaining about misanthropy as you read Kpopalypse is … something.
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