Kpopalypse roundup returns!  Let’s check out some more new releases!

Red Velvet – Would U

This is F-ve Dolls’ “Can You Love Me?” rewritten by someone who is tone-deaf and can’t write melodies.  No wonder SM doesn’t pay their staff much, I wouldn’t either if this was the result.

Berry Chu – Hey Stranger

The latest “race queen” group just debuted and wisely the video is just them all posing with their tits half hanging out rather than actually doing anything specific.  Who knows what they even do, or who even sung this.

B-Side – The Idolmaster

Well, at least the black and white dresses look great.  In my future dictatorship girls in groups will be required to dress like this for all TV appearances.  That fatty who is running North Korea should look me up for this and more hot tips.

I’m – Save Me

On the other hand, this R&B bullshit is… actually pretty good?  Also is that Solar from Mamamoo in the video or just someone who went to the same surgeon.

Solbi – How Are You

This gets the 80s textures oh-so-right but the songwriting isn’t quite up to the same level.

Wassup – Dominant Woman

There’s only four members of Wassup left after the three actual dominant women that people cared about flew the coop over payment disputes or some shit, so we’re left with the four “yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir” submissive women singing a track called “Dominant Woman”, oh dear.  The group’s sound hasn’t changed a bit though, which just goes to show how incredibly little line-up changes really matter for k-pop.

Jay Park – Raw Shit

Holy shit so Jay Park can make decent music!  I guess 99% of the time he just doesn’t want to, well isn’t that a fucking shame.  Don’t worry Jay Park fans I’m sure he’ll go back to his usual utter bullshit soon.

Illa – The Opportunist

This isn’t too bad either with reasonable enough beats and rapping until it hits that truly horrid chorus.  Illa should have taken a leaf out of Jay Park’s book and not even had a chorus at all.  Wow, never thought I’d type the words “should have taken a leaf out of Jay Park’s book” on this blog ever in my life.  What strange times we live in.

BONUS SONGS

Jenyer, Samuel Seo – Cliche

Accurate song title of the week.

DPR Live – Cheese & Wine

Some songs you know are going to be shit right from the very first note.

Sous Chefs ft. Kim Hyoeun, Jay Park – New Wave Attitude

I hope for their sake that the actual N.W.A. doesn’t notice that Sous Chefs stole their name for their song title right down to the font.  At least they had the decency to use an old school beat instead of the usual nonsense Jay Park associates himself with, damn that guy sure is having a weird week.

Min Chae – Spring Fantasy

In this video the girl takes a jukebox and hides it in the forest, effectively stealing music from all of us, which is a pretty apt metaphor for the song itself.

Nuz ft. Nucksal – Heaven’s Door

You can tell that they really did play the music on set while they were filming because that woman looks lethargic as fuck and bored out of her mind.

Jang Yoon Jeong – Cherry Blossom Road

Sometimes I’m just forgetful and I miss stuff, but usually if I’m ignoring a song there’s a good reason.  For those who wondered why I skipped over this when it came out, it was because I can’t think of anything interesting to write about this C-grade trot-by-numbers.

Seventeen – Smile Flower

Black and white is a creative decision here, it’s not because they can’t afford colour cameras.  Just to be clear for all you “Pledis is broke” tinfoil-hatters.

B.Heart – Good Day

This is B.Heart, not Heart.B.  One day Koreans are going to run out of combinations of letters and the word “heart” for group names.

Dab19 – I Think I’m Going Crazy

So much garbage this week, I mean really.  What even is this shit.

Sleeq – Ma Girls

If you dig being yelled at for three minutes while your little brother fucks around on Garage Band, this song’s for you.

Jang Hee Jung – I Can’t Get Drunk Anymore

This woman used to be in Gavy NJ who are the “longest running k-pop group ever” but also have no original members left so listening to them is kind of weird.

Rust – Gratitude

We should respect this song.  The piano is a great instrument capable of wide dynamics and huge possibilities – it takes a lot of training, skill and practice to make it sound this uninteresting.

W (Where The Story Ends) ft. Shin Hyunhee – Announcement

Here I am introducing you to yet another nugu k-pop artist with a small budget, an unfashionable image and a great song and hopefully gaining them a few new fans, and supposedly around the Internet I’m the bad guy.  It’s a lot harder to try to turn people onto new music and make a real difference that actually affects struggling musicians positively than it is to just spam trendy outrage about lame scandals everywhere like so many people I see do everywhere else.  Although my impact on these artists’ futures is no doubt super-small, the fact is that I probably do more for the fortunes of disadvantaged people in music than all of k-pop’s “defenders of the disadvantaged” put together.  That’s right cunts, Kpopalypse is the real social justice warrior.

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That’s all for this week – more new songs next week!