It’s time for another Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

BTS – Not Today

Not much of a song really but the production is almost enough to get it over the line anyway.  Rocking out to this is just the thing to get ostracised trainees under the 53kg threshold.

Twice – Knock Knock

For someone who flagellates the shit out of Shannon Williams at every opportunity on TV, JYP sure likes releasing rip offs of her flagship song.  At least this time he finally got it right, I guess mathematically it was bound to happen eventually.

K.A.R.D – Don’t Recall

Pedal-point harmony gives the usual tiresome tropical shithouse formula a much-needed boost.  However K.A.R.D’s best song is still worse than K-Tigers’ worst song.

MelodyDay – Kiss On The Lips

I thought it was going to be another k-pop reggae thing, but instead it just borrows some reggae textures and makes something completely different with it.

Various – Barbie Girl

It’s amazing how 50’s rock style transposed to k-pop is basically Lee Hi at twice the speed.  It makes me wonder exactly what sedatives are they feeding Lee Hi to stop her from starting a riot in the YG dungeon.

VAV – Venus (Dance With Me)

VAV’s producer remembered to turn the Autotune on this time and the result is a song that is competent but sounds like every other.

Moonband – I Am Deathly Ill

Cheery name for a song, isn’t it.  Like a good Cannibal Corpse album, it’s worth buying for your grandparents just to catch their reaction to the title.

BONUS SONGS

G2 – Hymn II

Back in the 90s we used to laugh at beats like this and call them “too soft”.  We don’t know how good we had it.

Taeyeon – I Got Love

You know something from a Girls’ Generation member is a big bag of shit when it lands in the bonus songs category.  Great backings here but completely ruined by the usual rambling-ass nowhereish k-pop R&B vocals.

Eden ft. Kwon Jiha – I’m Still

Still what, I wonder.

Dean ft. Baek Yerin – Come Over

For a few seconds after the beat came in I thought to myself “hang on, this is a Dean song, why is the beat decent?”  Then his vocals came in and ruined everything and I thought “okay, it’s Dean – I should have known he’d find a way to fuck this up”.

Soyou & Baekhyun – Rain

This is exactly what you think it is, and exactly as bad as you think it is.

JW – Fantasy

This sounds like the electric guitars were recorded with the dreaded Rocktek distortion pedal that I had when I was 13.

Love Virus – Life & Time

This is one of those coffee shop songs that actually works, because it goes at over 2 BPM and has some sort of catchy melody to it instead of a bunch of “wooo oohooho oohh ahhhha” fucking R&B shit.

Lowkey – We Ride

Not everything in “bonus songs” is shit.  I like the beat of this one and it would have been played on the show if I could find the fucking thing anywhere.

Scarlet Mojo Pin – Ez Come Ez Go

Their last song wasn’t too bad but this is poo.  I think the song title must be a reference to the amount of fucks I give about this group.

STi – We Click

This group are an STI alright.

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That’s all for this week – more new songs next week!