Once again Kpopalypse roundup is back!  Time to take a look at this week’s new releases!

BTS – Spring Day

I like it how the guy who raps does so on a massive pile of dirty clothes.  Korea is finally working out the connection between hip-hop and personal hygiene.

NCT Dream – My First And Last

Okay so that “pulling each other close together into the foetal position” move at 2:39 is fucking cool, they must have practiced it a lot when they were crying themselves to sleep every night in the dorms during training.

Sixbomb – Becoming Prettier Before

Obviously feeling emotionally shattered by 2NE1’s breakup, Sixbomb wrote this heartfelt tribute to Minzy’s legacy.

Cross Gene – Black Or White

A great horror music video but the song is pretty average and gets upstaged by all the friendly violent fun.

Rhythm Power – Bangsaneung

There should be a smartly-dressed girl doing sign language in the corner of every second of rap video by everyone ever.  What a waste that here it’s only for the chorus.

Hong Jin Young – Loves Me, Loves Me Not

Can we have a version of this video without movie footage and more of Hong Jin Young’s aegyo sal?  Those eyes look like they’re about to fly right off her face.

H.U.B – Girl Gang

No video for this one exists as far as I know, just this practice video with awful audio.  The girls will probably be grateful for the lack of money spent on this in ten years.

Wonder Girls – Draw Me

JYP obviously cbf with making videos for some disbanded group either.  I can handle groups breaking up but why do they have to leave awful ballads behind them like a poop trail.

BONUS SONGS

Sunny Hill – Crossroads

Ever since Sunny Hill lost that guy who wrote all the songs for them, they’ve been utter shit.  This song is no exception.

B.I.G – 1,2,3

Definitely the best song this group have ever had.  I hope I’m seeing the trend of slow songs as feature tracks in k-pop starting to die here.

1NB – Stalker

Another great horror drama video where a man confronts the true horror of our time – trap music.

San E – Counselor

On the other hand I’m pretty sure this is real and San E needs some counseling in selecting appropriate beats to rap over.

Jang Joon, Young Taek – Drought

Maybe this is a song about the drought of decent songs in k-pop since 2013.  We’re feeling it, man.

Skull ft. Verbal Jint, KittiB – Crazy

I don’t give any fucks about this woman in the green bra, where’s KittiB.

BeautyHandsone – This Game

Wow, so this is boring.  Didn’t I review this one last week?  Fuck, it’s so uninteresting I can’t even remember.

J’kyung ft. Cherry Coke – Soaking

Two minutes of two people fumbling around doing nothing in particular while a beat plays and the song itself is basically nowhere.  It’s impressive in the sense that a pointless statue in the park is impressive.  Yes this took time and skill to build but why the fuck did they bother I didn’t need the city council to spend money on this when they have a homelessness problem they’re ignoring.

Beatwin – Don’t Leave

A group called “Beatwin” has no place singing songs like this.  More like “Beatlose”.

SBGB – Card Captor Sakura

I think this is some TV show theme that someone has remade into a boring ballad so Koreans will actually possibly listen to it for ten seconds.

Norwegian Wood – Hug Me

Warning sign: when a group names themselves after a shit Beatles song.  Trufax – I initially typed this as “Horwegian Wood” and was going to leave it that way just to see if anyone noticed but then I was worried people wouldn’t get the Beatles reference, and it’s more important to shit on The Beatles than to make jokes about whores.

Jung Joon Young ft. Jang Hyejin – Me and You

Nobody does that running-across-the-field-to-each-others-arms shit in real life because if it’s not spontaneous it doesn’t count, and you can’t do it spontaneously like in the films because unless it’s planned in advance you have to slow down at the last second before you embrace or there’s a real risk of headbutting each other.

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That’s all for this week – more new songs next week!