It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

Suzy – Yes No Maybe

This seems like it got hyped to high heaven but perhaps that’s because nothing else came out this week (as you’ll see below).  Anyway it’s pretty average but watching Suzy try to be “sexy” sure is funny.

4x – Secret Night

This video came out last year but the actual song release was only recently.  The perils of nugudom is that it’s hard to synchronise that sort of shit.  Anyway this is very T-ara-ish and that’s never a bad thing.

Masta Wu – ft. Dok2 – Shit

You know it’s been a bad week in k-pop when some yoloshit song with Dok2 on it is actually one of the best tracks.

Jc Jieun, Tae Hae Young, Dasona – Non Chuck (ft. Oh Yumi)

One of these girls is or was in Miss $ just in case you care.  Didn’t think so.

I ft. Tiger JK – I Wish

Everyone complained that I missed this song last week but it has never been the aim of roundup – and never will be – to catch everything in a week.  Also her name is a bit fucking unsearchable so that kinda makes it hard.

SHINee – Get The Treasure

That woman holding the gun moved her arm at 1:02, tsk tsk RUIN IT WHY DON’T YOU

BONUS SHIT BALLAD SEGMENT

When I say that a dozen fucking boring smooth disgusting ballad/R&B shit songs come out every week in k-pop, I’m not even fucking joking or exaggerating.  Here, let me prove it to you.

Melody Day ft. Jung Ill Hoon – You Seem Busy

This is #1.  Too busy to listen to this crap, that’s for sure, but I do it anyway as a free no-strings-attached community service to my readers.

Kassy – Dream

#2, this is shit, but maybe it’s not shit enough for you so here, have this disastrously bad acoustic version that actually makes the song even worse.

Imfact – In The Club

#3, I expected something at least a little upbeat here.  I guess it must be a lawn bowls club.

Kebee ft. Brother Su – My Foreigner

#4, more pure garbage

Sam Kim, Loco – Think About Chu

#5.  Years ago I was at someone’s house party and all these hipsters were actually jamming to Spearhead.  It was fucking sad.  Michael Franti is a fucking twit.  Go dance off a bridge you cunt.

Cheetah ft. Hanhae – Blurred Lines

#6.  Cheetah is always wasted, without fail.  Maybe she can rap but it’s not worth a damn if she keeps choosing weak, nothingy beats.  Imagine her going over Jimin’s “Puss” beat.  Cheetah needs to stop fucking with R&B and do an underground hip-hop mixtape.  Mind you even then she’d probably pick only the worst trap garbage to rap over.  Everything by Cheetah is like listening to Kerry King play jazz.

Dynamic Duo, Chen – Nosedive

#7.  Dynamic Duo have G-Dragon’s problem.  They’re great when they want to be great but their music taste is so shit these days that they never achieve more than 10% of what they’re capable of.

Punch – When My Loneliness Calls You

#8.  Okay this is for a shit OST and I usually leave those out but it’s also one of the last SM station releases before that project finally winds up so I thought it might be of interest…. who am I kidding, you don’t care and neither do I.

Only You – I’d Rather Break Up

#9.  I’d rather break up too.  Let’s just be friends.  In fact, don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Gallant, Tablo & Eric Nam – Cave Me In

#10.  Where’s Tajinyo when you really need them.

Ryan ft. Addy – Don’t Tell Me Why

#11.  This k-pop furry romance isn’t as terrifying as TVXQ’s “Balloons” but it’s still some shit you don’t want to watch.

Hertz Analog – It’s Been A Long Time

And here’s #12.  Told you so.  A dozen boring shits like this each and every week from Korea, without fail.

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That’s all for this week – more new songs next week!