It’s time again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Rain – The Best Present
Careful, Michael Jackson gave himself a heart attack by doing moves like that after he was well past the age where he could pull them off. Psy’s production credit means nothing, all he’s done is proven that he can make boring R&B shit just like every other producer in Korea if he wants to.
Hello Venus – Mysterious
Hello Venus still mostly struggle to get good songs but damn the video is pretty.
Dreamcatcher – Chase Me
The reconfigured Minx is back with one of the most rocking and uptempo songs k-pop has ever had. Most k-rock doesn’t go anywhere near this hard.
Day6 – I Wait
And here’s an example of just one of thousands of Korean rock songs that Dreamcatcher’s song is better than. “I Wait” is much lighter on the guitars, has clumsier dynamics and is about half the speed.
Yeojin – Kiss Later
If you’re wondering how Loona’s agency can afford all these constant high-budget videos it’s because they are well plugged into Korea’s military-industrial complex, apparently. For each aegyo move you see here about 157 people probably died, so make sure you enjoy it so their lives weren’t wasted.
Jun.k – No Shadow
Yeah this one’s jun.k too.
Squared – Sweater
Not the most exciting video ever, but then it’s not the most exciting song either so I guess at least they go together nicely.
Wings Of The Isang – Dark Sea
Luna’s having an odd year so now that she’s done with Jambinai perhaps she can collaborate with these guys next and help them discipline their craft a bit.
Choi Ye Guen Band – Adult
Terrible. So you’re a band of girls, so what. Come back when you’ve learned how to write a song.
Yoon Do Hyun – Sparks Fly
No danger of any sparks here with this dreary acoustic ballad.
Shinhwa – Touch
A rare example of a song which actually needs less cowbell.
Trax – Road
And while we’re bringing back the singers who are nearly as old as me, here’s a Trax comeback. Pretty sad that these supposed k-rockers have been out-heavied by a bunch of teenage girls this week.
Kang Hyun Min ft. Kym Ye Ji – Memory
Wow, this video looks amazing. Of course they forgot to write a song or any worth, but it looks so good that I almost don’t even care.
Eyedi – Type K
There’s something uncanny about this one. Look at how at about 3:05 she stops singing the note but it carries on for about another two more seconds anyway. She just doesn’t seem like she’s all there. I’m tipping her agency is feeding her nothing but beans and whipping her in some seedy dungeon, watch for a Bace Camp controversy soon.
Year 7 Class 1 – Remember Me
The typical hideous sickening “here’s all our memories, we love you guys really” montage ballad bullshit that all groups do eventually, although usually not ones as nugu as Year 7 Class 1.
Mass Avenue – Confused
Not sure what’s more unusual in k-pop – a singing drummer, or someone using the Shure Super 55 correctly.
Zeebomb – Walking Last Night
This song is not zee bomb.
Aggie – Sullen
Now they have the Fender Rhodes doing fucking solos. Someone save us.
EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS SONGS WITHOUT PROPER MUSIC VIDEOS, BECAUSE YOU ALL REALLY WANTED ME TO SHIT ON THESE SONGS FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON
BCHC – You’re The Moon And Earth
You always have to worry when an agency just cbf making a music video, its a tacit acknowledgement that they wasted their money just recording this.
L.U.B – 13 Months 23 Days
The other DIA subunit song is much the same. It seems MBK have swapped out songwriters recently because they’ve recently lost the touch of writing the mid-paced ballads that they used to get oh-so-right.
A.leean (Ailee) – Fall Back
Okay so here’s why this exists: it’s basically a no-risk stab at the US market for Ailee. The different sound, different name and lack of Ailee in the video all means that her existing Korean brand suffers not a bit if this fails, and it’s always been Ailee’s dream to give this a shot (remember that she was a US artist before she was a Korean one) so good on her for trying. I’m all for US market attempts, it’s just good business sense to try it if you are in a position to, Wonder Girls did the right thing at the time, so did SNSD, so did CL and so is Ailee. Song is shit of course but hey whatever, I’m actually more upset by the fact that she’s almost guaranteed to barely be in the music video, if at all. She’ll be a cartoon alien or some shit, wait and see – it’s because stupid skinny-obsessed Koreans think Ailee is now too fat to debut with her actual face and figure in western markets, not realising that it’s this very weight gain which makes her hotter than ever by global standards. What a wasted opportunity for more Ailee fap material. I guess I’ll have to settle for her recent absolutely outstanding (visually, not sonically) appearance on Immortal Song 2, which I will now present to you below. If an ambitious caonima wants a project, please chop all of the cringey “reaction shots” out of this video and reupload it so it’s Ailee and only Ailee. It’s so distracting when the footage cuts away to some dickhead pretending like he or she is really getting into the vocals (or actually getting into the vocals, which is even worse), it really just fucks up my rhythm completely, so thanks in advance. (EDIT: thank you caonimas!)
That’s all for this week – more new songs next week!