Kpopalypse roundup returns in two parts – this first part is reviews of most of the new k-pop stuff that dropped over the last couple of weeks when I’ve been doing chart stuff on the radio show instead. This is just for the people who read my roundups to keep abreast of the new releases. Enjoy!
EXO – For Life
An SM piano ballad like every other.
BigBang – Last Dance
A YG piano ballad like every other.
Big Bang – Fuck It
Actually this one’s not bad.
Esna – Attention
You’ve only got my attention for holding your microphone incorrectly.
ABTB – Artificial
We don’t need any more singers who sound like Eddie Vedder thank you. That trend died 15 years ago in the west and needs to stay dead.
Skawakers – Peacetime
It would be good if this was actually ska, but it’s really boring dull reggae instead. Maybe they should call themselves “Skasleepers”.
Jungheum Band – Beyond The Stars
I thought they were Christmas trees in the background but they’re just street lights. These two were lucky, they missed the Christmas list and dodged a bullet there.
NC.A & Yook Sung Jae – Playing With Fire
Kittens are cute. Slow boring k-pop songs are not cute.
WE’D – Difference
Right fromt he first note (of Rhodes, of course), you know exactly what you’re getting with this one. Ugh.
G2 – Young & Alive
People who live in the real world know that driving cars is actually really boring and not glamourous at all, don’t be fooled kids. Go without cars and your drivers’ license if you can, you’ll save tons of money and you’ll actually be able to afford the girl in the passenger seat.
HaSeul – Let Me In
Some weird quasi-tango thing, which isn’t amazing but at least has some different ideas in the instrumentation. Don’t be fooled by all the strings, this is not a ballad and at 116 BPM actually has a faster tempo than a lot of upbeat comebacks these days.
Jenny – Expiration
On the other hand this is a ballad and you have my permission to be bored by it.
Park Jimin, D.ear – Look Alike
No Park Jimin in the video? Sorry, not interested.
Risso – Baby Baby Baby
Yeah this is bad, the kitsch 70s look is cool but it’s kind of undone by that keyboard stand which is brand spanking new and just like one I bought the other week, pretty sure that was the exact same model…
SS301 – My Universe
A cool look at all of SS301’s OH&S compliant video shooting equipment, they’re getting it all ready for when Kim Hyun Joong returns to the group.
Nada – Seorae Village
A great beat on this one, pity when the chorus happens it kind of softens everything up too much. Get rid of all the sing-songy crap and this could have been one of the best songs this year.
SugarDonut – Song Of November
I guess Koreans make insipid boring ballads about protesting so there’s no violence at these rallies and everyone is sedated, which is probably smarter than what the Germans do but fuck it’s dull to watch.
EXID – Cream
Not sure what went on here but this is nothing special. No cream for you.
Sold Out – Erase
“Erase” sounds like a good idea. Maybe I should have erased this roundup, not much good is coming from it.
Uhm Jung Hwa – Watch Me Move
Don’t get too excited all you first-year gender studies students, the guys aren’t wearing high heels to “break gender stereotypes”, they’re wearing them to FIT the gender stereotype of men being taller than women.
Uhm Jung Hwa – Dreamer
She’s 47 which is impressive but this also means that she’s old enough to have better music taste than this.
Jin Won – So Beautiful
Hey here’s a song that goes between 4/4 and 12/8 time for all you time-signature trainspotters – enjoy that fact because that’s the only interesting thing about it.
G2 ft. Gray – 1999
Absolute garbage, but then anything with horrid R&B crooner Grey in it usually is. Imagine calling yourself “Grey”, and that actually being appropriate, because everything you touch musically is just one big grey mush of fucking blandness. The most accurately-named R&B singer in k-pop right now, at least until “Utter Fucking Shit” makes his debut.
The second part of this post is reader requests for all the songs that I missed from earlier in the year. It’s been separated from this post due to the sheer volume of video suggestions, and will appear shortly!