Kpopalypse roundup is back, it’s time to take a look at this week’s new releases!
Red Velvet – Russian Roulette
Wow, a Red Velvet song that doesn’t sound like their two typical flavours – “Aretha Franklin is stuck in a tumble dryer’s spin cycle and won’t fucking shut up” or “some shit S.E.S song from 15 years ago“. Nor is it the 592nd song from SM this year that sounds exactly like “4 Walls“. What are SM trying to do, write decent music or something.
Gain – Carnival
Get the music score for IU’s “The Red Shoes“, shove it into a paper shredder and then flatten it all out and try to reassemble it into a brand new song from the now-disjointed bits and pieces and you’ve basically got this.
Crayon Pop – Vroom Vroom
Crayon Pop’s new agency are no fools, they’re not giving this song a full music video and promotions because they know most Koreans hate good music and it would be wasted money. Watch them release some nu-school bullshit in a week’s time as the feature track instead which will be nowhere near as good as this.
Yezi & Babylon – Chase
The usual crappy R&B style rap everyone does now, Yezi looks great wearing her boyfriend’s shirts and pretending to hate everything but she can’t save this.
Iron – Rock Bottom
Slightly more tolerable than when Limp Bizkit does it, but maybe that’s just because I can’t understand the words so I don’t know how cringey he’s being.
SM & Bana – Pit A Pat
Here’s an electronica thing from 20 years ago rebadged with the SM logo and given a very slight pop makeover so it doesn’t alienate the “I’m a boring person” demographic too much.
Bobby – Holup!
I know he’s trying to be all tough and shit but when I watch this I just keep thinking about him loading boxes into the car in that Hi Suhyun song and feel like telling him that there’s still room and he should get back to it.
Mino – Body
One of the best looking MVs ever in my opinion, like Hyomin’s “Sketch” but with better colour-matching, pity about the song.
Mobb ft. Kush – Hit Me
Mobb – Full House
Of course I’m being unfair, Mobb Deep were never anywhere near this bad, even at their worst.
Min Chae – What Can I Do
Mazzy Star on too much valium, not that they weren’t already on too much valium.
Ksuke & Amber – Breathe Again
Wow, Ksuke and Amber are practically dopplegangers, which is kind of cool, you can play “where’s Ksuke” as you watch. Pity this song is also a doppleganger of just about every “yolo synth line” k-pop song out there right now.
I.O.I – Liiv
Some bullshit advertising song for some phone or maybe it’s something that you access on the phone fuck I dunno.
Silla – Leave You
Ridiculously blatant pornography doesn’t help a mediocre song.
Nell – Vain Hope
Sorry Nell, “ok look we added a synth line to our usual boring Coldplay rock” does not equal “music I actually give a shit about”.
Zizo – Coming Home
The sort of beat that in 1994 would have been cast into the “elevator music” bin straight away by anyone with common sense and a love of hip-hop.
K-Tigers – Arirang
K-Tigers continue to be the better version of JJCC, which isn’t saying much but the effort to realise JJCC’s concept correctly is appreciated.
Huh Gak, Plan A Boys – Begin Again
More porn. Do you like Asian guys with dimples? Chubby guys? Guys why read love notes and don’t just throw them in the fireplace straight away? Boy do I have a video for you.
Jukebox – Hate U
The low-budget version of Mamamoo isn’t any better, unfortunately.
Jukebox – Dad 69
Oh COME ON. You’re making this way too easy for me.
Sugardonut – Changed
They’re never going to do another good song ever again, are they.
Wel.C – I Will Like When Do
I will like when do not.
SOME EXTRA SHIT THAT I FORGOT WAS EVEN RELEASED BECAUSE IT WAS SO FUCKING CRAP, THAT YOU PEOPLE REALLY WANTED ME TO REVIEW FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON
Keith Ape ft. Jedi P – Diamonds
If you think you’ve got problems or low self-esteem, just imagine waking up every morning and saying to yourself “I’m Keith Ape”. Trust me, life is better than you think.
Moran Lee – I’m Not Okay
I’m all for a bit of feminist influence in a country that could probably use some, but at least get the soundtrack right. If you want to make people more sympathetic to the plight of women I suggest “try not boring them to fucking death” would be step 1.
Microdot ft. Jessi – Talkin ‘Bout
Have you guys seen that clip yet where Jessi tells some guys on a variety show that she has fake boobs and they’re all too polite to say “yeah, no shit” so they all just pretend that they had no idea? Then she’s like “what… you thought these were real?” Sorry but there’s no punchline to this story I just thought it was more interesting than the shitty song that I’m sure nobody cares about.
That’s all for another Kpopalypse roundup – more next week! In the meantime, there’s still a few days left to do the latest Kpopalypse survey if you haven’t!