It’s time for another Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!

This week’s roundup actually doesn’t have anything to do with the radio show itself, which was guest-programmed (see the playlist post for the tracks played), but I know that you guys still want a roundup so here’s the new releases anyway.

Blackpink – Whistle

Weirdly sparse yet annoyingly busy at the same time, the decent melodic bridge section doesn’t make up for all the other awful shit going on everywhere else.

Blackpink – Boombayah

Blackpink’s other debut song is better but it still sounds like something that wouldn’t have made the cut for a 2NE1 album.

VIXX – Fantasy

The thing about sampling classical music is that it’s all in the public domain so there’s no royalties to pay.  A pity there wasn’t more of that kind of subtlety throughout, this song has one of the most sonically crowded choruses in k-pop.

I.O.I – Whatta Man (Good Man)

This isn’t quite a remake of Salt N Pepa’s “Whatta Man“, although even if it was that probably wouldn’t have saved it because that song’s crap too.  The good Salt N Pepa was the iconic “Push It” era, not the pissweak hip-hop/R&B lite they did a decade later.

Stellar – Love Spell

Nondescript but pleasant enough, the real joy of this is watching Stellar wearing all that pure white clothing and pretending that they don’t know you’re fapping.

Jun. K – Think About You

It’s certainly JunK alright.

BeatBurger – Vagabond

Everyone acts like only YG can do trendy bullshit but weak crappy music is for everybody.

Onew & Lee Jin Ah – Starry Night

After SNSD’s shitty song last week SM Station have clearly just given up.

Henry & GenNeo – 1030

Korea’s Rick Astley returns with his “Cry For Help“.  Oh dear.

24K – Still 24K

Average song, but what an insane video.  Any MV featuring this kind of set design and gunplay is costing a ton of money so I hope these guys are making some decent returns for their own sake.

Lundi Blues – Long Beach

This week’s Fender Rhodes shitball is just as bad as any other.

Very Very Good Life – Dance

An unusually listenable stab at the kind of dreamy guitar-pop Korean bands usually execute with terrifying blandness.  It even has Fender Rhodes and doesn’t suck, it’s some kind of magic trick I swear.

Chi Young Tae – Scope

Like this, for example.  What fucking shit, someone grab that guitar off him and bash him with it until he fucks off.

Aquibird – Lookalike

Babies are fucking disgusting ugly resource-sponges that drain your time and energy and give nothing back, and so is this song.

A-Daily – Chu

A rocking upbeat tune that we don’t get enough of in k-pop these days, here’s hoping these Nugu Alert friendly girls get to do at least one more song before the axe inevitably falls on their careers.

IMGL – Hey You

Anyone with a 6-string bass is just bitter that they’re not the guitarist.  Face facts – you’re a bass player and nobody wants to hear you doing scales in the middle of the song, dickhead.

IMGL – My World

More annoyingly present bass playing.  You’re not special, stop that.

Right Life – The Way You See

See that kid staring through the bars?  That’s how you’ll also feel about a minute into this.

Jaeney – Tell Me Why

Check out the amazing muscle-tone on this woman, I guess this only got released because people saw those pecs and were afraid to tell her that her song sucked.

Luizy ft. Hyun Sik – Baby Ride

You could play a drinking game with this song where you try to find objects that weren’t rented.

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That’s it for this week’s Kpopalypse roundup!  More next week!