It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out this week’s new releases!
Jonghyun – She Is
Hitomi Tanaka didn’t wish Jonghyun a happy birthday this year, so he clearly made this awful funk song as revenge. Breakups are tough, man.
Oh My Girl – Windy Day
Replace the girly main vocals here with Freddy Mercury’s girly main vocals and this could be a song from Queen in about 1975. Yes, that’s a recommendation.
Boyfriend – To My Best Friend
And replace the generic k-pop male voices here with generic k-pop female voices and this could be a SNSD album track from 2008. No, that’s not a recommendation.
Skull ft. Sizzla – Get Rich
Skull is becoming more listenable for me lately. Or maybe the girls in his videos are just hotter now, I’m not sure which. Jesus, look at this smug-looking fuck.
Road Boyz – Shake It, Shake It
People want to know if I like this song or not but everyone’s dodging the real issue – is that girl the same one who was in Fresh Boyz “Koala“?
Ailee ft. Truedy – I Can’t Live Without You
Usually I ignore OST songs but this is actually the best thing Ailee has done since her debut songs, and the best thing Truedy has done since crying in a stairwell.
MAP6 – Swagger Time
Only average but they get points simply for not calling it “Swag Time”, which could have easily happened.
Tahiti – The Secret
It’s not too terrible but if the “secret” they’re referring to is where to find an iconic T-ara style electronic dance song, I think they need to keep looking.
Beenzino – Life In Colour
Beenzino clearly read my post about music genres and how k-pop avoids drum & bass like the plague, and decided that it was uncharted territory worth exploring. Of course he’s wrong and drum & bass is total bullshit music for fuckheads, but at least now I can edit that post with an actual D&B example! Thanks Beenzino!
Baek A Yeon – So-So
It’s only so-so, so it didn’t get on the playlist. Cheers for the honesty Baek A Yeon, you’re making my life programming radio shows a lot easier.
BNa ft. Dono – Amazing
On the other hand here’s some lying cunts.
Spacecowboy ft. Paloalto – Grotesque
This song saves itself from the yolo bin by daring to do something different with the vocoder/talk box and synths.
Amber – Need To Feel Needed
How many boring solo songs is Amber going to crap out? If she wants to feel needed, this isn’t the way to go about it.
Fling – Morning Blue
This sounds like all those English late-80s ponderous boring guitar bands with stupid hair who used too much reverb on everything.
Han Yo Han ft. Microdot, Isle – Fire
Get Primary’s “Don’t Be Shy“, slow it down to half speed and remove everything that made that song cool and/or interesting including every last trace of dub feel and you basically have this. Fucking horrid.
Sugardonut – Flower In The Night
“Imagine, Close Your Eyes” must have had too much quality for the Korean market so they came out with this soft-as-fuck boring pedestrian rock to pay the bills.
Dumbfounddead – Safe
Okay man, we get the point about Hollywood whitewashing, you don’t have to insert yourself over America’s shitty funeral-tempo trap music too.
We Are The Night – Dial
What is a group with a name like that doing playing stuff that doesn’t sound like either Cradle Of Filth or Bring Me The Horizon, that’s what I want to know.
Hongcha – Cheer Up
Features air guitar. That’s all the reason I need to like this.
GAPP – Do You Know Hip-Hop?
Yes I know hip-hop, and it is GAPP, Korea’s answer to Bangs. Did you know that “Bangs” spelled backwards is “Sgnab”, which is kind of like “Gapp” but not really? Whoa.
That’s it for Kpopalypse roundup! More new stuff next week!