It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

Jonghyun – She Is

Hitomi Tanaka didn’t wish Jonghyun a happy birthday this year, so he clearly made this awful funk song as revenge.  Breakups are tough, man.

Oh My Girl – Windy Day

Replace the girly main vocals here with Freddy Mercury’s girly main vocals and this could be a song from Queen in about 1975.  Yes, that’s a recommendation.

Boyfriend – To My Best Friend

And replace the generic k-pop male voices here with generic k-pop female voices and this could be a SNSD album track from 2008.  No, that’s not a recommendation.

Skull ft. Sizzla – Get Rich

Skull is becoming more listenable for me lately.  Or maybe the girls in his videos are just hotter now, I’m not sure which.  Jesus, look at this smug-looking fuck.

Road Boyz – Shake It, Shake It

People want to know if I like this song or not but everyone’s dodging the real issue – is that girl the same one who was in Fresh Boyz “Koala“?

Ailee ft. Truedy – I Can’t Live Without You

Usually I ignore OST songs but this is actually the best thing Ailee has done since her debut songs, and the best thing Truedy has done since crying in a stairwell.

MAP6 – Swagger Time

Only average but they get points simply for not calling it “Swag Time”, which could have easily happened.

Tahiti – The Secret

It’s not too terrible but if the “secret” they’re referring to is where to find an iconic T-ara style electronic dance song, I think they need to keep looking.

Beenzino – Life In Colour

Beenzino clearly read my post about music genres and how k-pop avoids drum & bass like the plague, and decided that it was uncharted territory worth exploring.  Of course he’s wrong and drum & bass is total bullshit music for fuckheads, but at least now I can edit that post with an actual D&B example!  Thanks Beenzino!

BONUS SONGS

Baek A Yeon – So-So

It’s only so-so, so it didn’t get on the playlist.  Cheers for the honesty Baek A Yeon, you’re making my life programming radio shows a lot easier.

BNa ft. Dono – Amazing

On the other hand here’s some lying cunts.

Spacecowboy ft. Paloalto – Grotesque

This song saves itself from the yolo bin by daring to do something different with the vocoder/talk box and synths.

Amber – Need To Feel Needed

How many boring solo songs is Amber going to crap out?  If she wants to feel needed, this isn’t the way to go about it.

Fling – Morning Blue

This sounds like all those English late-80s ponderous boring guitar bands with stupid hair who used too much reverb on everything.

Han Yo Han ft. Microdot, Isle – Fire

Get Primary’s “Don’t Be Shy“, slow it down to half speed and remove everything that made that song cool and/or interesting including every last trace of dub feel and you basically have this.  Fucking horrid.

Sugardonut – Flower In The Night

“Imagine, Close Your Eyes” must have had too much quality for the Korean market so they came out with this soft-as-fuck boring pedestrian rock to pay the bills.

Dumbfounddead – Safe

Okay man, we get the point about Hollywood whitewashing, you don’t have to insert yourself over America’s shitty funeral-tempo trap music too.

We Are The Night – Dial

What is a group with a name like that doing playing stuff that doesn’t sound like either Cradle Of Filth or Bring Me The Horizon, that’s what I want to know.

Hongcha – Cheer Up

Features air guitar.  That’s all the reason I need to like this.

GAPP – Do You Know Hip-Hop?

Yes I know hip-hop, and it is GAPP, Korea’s answer to Bangs.  Did you know that “Bangs” spelled backwards is “Sgnab”, which is kind of like “Gapp” but not really?  Whoa.

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That’s it for Kpopalypse roundup!  More new stuff next week!