Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 23/5/2016

It’s time for another Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out some new releases!

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SoReal

Jessica ft. Fabolous – Fly

Subliminal god-bothering aside, this is okay for generic pop single 101 stuff I guess but even the biggest Jessica stan knows in their secret heart of hearts that if some complete nugu made a song and it sounded 100% identical to this in every single aspect, nobody would care.

B.I.G – Aphrodite

Fantastic vuvuzela solos unfortunately aren’t enough to drag this song out of averagedom.  Every k-pop song should have vuvuzela though.

Monsta X – All In

Imagine how much shit these kids will get into for that “put the flower in the gun” scene when they have to join the army for real.

Amber ft. Gen Neo – On My Own

Amber’s sexuality is the biggest elephant in the room of k-pop, and I just want someone in an interview to finally say to her “look, are you a fucking dyke or what?  You can tell us, you know”.  For the good of everyone I hope she comes out as lesbian and then starts some super-angry crust-punk group and leaves bullshit music like this far behind.

AFOS – Turn It Up

Lots of enthusiastic yelling does not a good song make.  Mind you it’s better than the other crappy song they released this week.

Romeo – Nightmare

I originally thought to myself “hang on this is just another generic boy band song, what’s so nightmarish about this…” and then it hit me.

Heyne – Love Cells

I’m sure Heyne is just naturally skinny but damn that lighting on her collarbones and shoulders is freaking me right the fuck out, I can’t even concentrate on the song.

Agirls – Uhoo

Example #3646 of why sport and k-pop should not mix.

Somal ft. Minje – Fucked Up

10/10 for song title accuracy, this is genuinely some weird shit.

Nucksal feat. ODEE, Deepflow, Don Mills, WUTAN – The Villains

I don’t fucking understand Korean hip-hop.  One week some dudes will throw out a cool track like this and the very next week the very same guys will do some awful yoloshit fucking crap as if the two styles have anything whatsoever in common.  Don’t tell them that in America the trendy bullshit yolo camp and the actual rap camp are doing drive-bys on each other, aren’t we grateful that the Koreans haven’t latched onto that particular trend.

Moxie – Ketch Up

…although if they had, Moxie would be the first casualty with this boring trendy sax riff nonsense.

BONUS SONGS

Boyfriend – Glider

This isn’t too bad but I couldn’t play it for the same reason that I rarely ever play Japanese releases by k-pop artists – getting decent audio is almost impossible.

Jessica – Love Me The Same

On the other hand this track is just jaw-droppingly awful even for a k-pop ballad and sounds like it was programmed by a drunk person.

Noday – Wait Up

Some average disco funk thing that I know nothing about.  Enjoy, I guess.

Chancellor ft. Paloalto – Rodeo

Starts off pretty good by taking a leaf out of The Roots’ book of “How To Make Rhodes Actually Sound Semi-Acceptable” but then the falsetto voice started and I turned it off and put on Bathory instead because his vocals are less annoying.

Dana – Touch You

Oh look a CSJH member did a song, it’s a good thing nobody cares about CSJH or I might feel obliged to listen to this and write something about it.

Live High – Happy Song

Horrible children’s TV show style crap.  How they get away with selling this shit to people over the age of four I’m not sure.

AFOS – How’re You Doing

Not that great thanks to sitting through this fucking crap thanks for asking.

Kkakku ft. Choi Camel – Love Me

STOP SINGING ALL OVER HIS RAP PART IT SOUNDS DISGUSTING WOMAN, FUCK


That’s it for another Kpopalypse roundup – more next week!

2 thoughts on “Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 23/5/2016

  1. Took all day before I could sit down and watch that Romeo video. And I turned it off before they presumably turned into zombies or whatever because I’ve got the entire Boyfriend discography, thus making Romeo totally unnecessary.

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