It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!
NCT U – The 7th Sense
The debut song for SM’s new boy group CUN T shoots beyond yolo into some kind of almost ambient trip-hop territory. Not sure if I really like the result, but damn what a great Trojan horse for songwriters SM is, they can make fangirls listen to and like anything.
NCT U – Without U
The other new song by CUN T is just your usual Coldplayish soft rock thing and it’s not really that great but it’ll please their ready-made fanbase who would probably lap up these boys’ runny diarrhoea from a tin can.
I.O.I – Crush
I haven’t been answering questions about Produce 101 because I’m planning to talk about that bullshit some more in an upcoming post. In the meantime know that the “35 girls 5 concepts” mini-album has much better songs on it than this.
JYP – Still Alive
Song is alright plus he has a sense of humour and that’s always nice. Clearly he’s cottoned onto how iconic the pants are. I also take back what I said the other week about him not being able to use a Shure Super 55, sneaky caonima probably read my comment and thought “I’ll show him”.
Block B – Toy
I wish Block B would stop TOYing with us with these soft limp tracks, guess I’ll have to wait for the Bastarz sub-unit for something decent.
Taewoon (aka Wuno) ft. Nafla – Copy Ma Lyrics
Let’s not get distracted by red herrings – Taewoon imitating that screechy idiotic “It G Ma” style vocal sound is the only thing about this song that anyone should be upset about. At least the beat is decent, pity I can barely even hear it over all the castrated yelping.
History – Queen
Not the group Queen, even though History do sound a bit like Queen in other songs of theirs. The pitch-bendy sax riff is pretty cool and the song actually has some tempo, basically it’s a better version of CL’s “MBTD“. Just make sure you’re listening on big speakers or you’re missing about 90% of this.
To-day – Secret
Not the group Secret, even though she even sings “Secret time” just to fuck with you. I thought it was going to be another Coldplayish shitbird with that opening guitar with the delay that everybody uses but then the rhythm dropped and the song became cool.
LaBoum – Imagine More
Decent but just a little too “Girls’ Generation’s first album” for its own good, even Gfriend are gradually leaving this sound behind these days. What really got me excited though was the music that played over the end credits, wish they’d made a feature song out of that instead.
JSB – Blank
Unfortunately just as boring as the pedestrian 1990s guitar-pop that it’s trying to imitate. The 90s really was a shit time to be into guitar pop.
Bloodberry – Hysteric flower
I felt far more gender confusion when watching this than that idol group with the transsexual in them that I played the other week. Is that a very attractive guy or a very ugly girl on the bass? Shit, I feel so old being all like “girls and boys, you can’t tell ’em apart these days with their long hair” like my fucking dad… shit, someone get me my reading glasses.
Punch & Silento – Spotlight
Taewoon may be a bit yelpy and annoying on his track but he’s surely got nothing on Silento. How you feel when you hear Silento yapping away in this song like a chihuahua and ruining it is how I feel when I hear “good singers” do high notes. Hard to say which is worse.
Hahyungon Factory – Spring Time
Song is boring but that guitar looks cool, anyone know where I can buy one, preferably for less than the price of turning 20 in Gangnam?
Chen (EXO) & Heize – Lil’ Something
Sad that the best thing to come out of the “SM Station” project (whatever the fuck that even is, not that I even care so feel free to not enlighten me) is this dull funk-lite.
BewhY – Shalom
Wow, a trap song that has some good production and doesn’t sound like it was cooked up in 15 minutes on Garageband. Now they just need to make an actual beat with those sounds and we’re all good.
JYP ft Conan O’Brien, Steven Yuen, Jimin Park – Fire
JYP’s backings are straight out of a bygone era but unfortunately so are his melodies. Also I’d rather have Park Jimin physically in the video than these two TV presenter clowns or whoever the fuck these losers are. I’m sure you Americans expect me to know these pricks but nobody here cares about your shitty TV culture, sorry. I’m boycotting this song until a Park Jimin MV version comes out.
That’s it for another week of Kpopalypse roundup! More k-pop next week!