It’s time for another Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases for the past week!
Taemin – Press Your Number
SM’s usual slick sonic production but I’m not wild about the song itself. He’s certainly got the moves though, so I put up a dance video so you can appreciate it.
Cosmic Girls (WJSN) – MoMoMo
Disjointed and odd-sounding with too much clutter and messy harmony changes for a song selling itself as cutesy, resides in the same musical uncanny valley as recent songs by Twice, CLC and DIA.
CLC – High Heels
Speaking of which, CLC’s new song is also noise everywhere with an exceptionally crap blues-based chorus. Unlike the radio broadcast, this MV is only a short version but I wouldn’t be too upset about that if I were you.
Ladies Code – Galaxy
If it was too upbeat people would whine about it having an inappropriate party atmosphere after EunB and Rise died, but if it was too ballady people would accuse them of cashing in on sentiment. The agency pitches “Galaxy” right in the middle to keep everyone happy – except me, who doesn’t care about the politics of it and just wants them to get back to making cool songs like “Kiss Kiss” and “Hate You“. Maybe next time.
Mamamoo – You’re The Best
Slightly better than but very similar to the type of stuff that Sistar does these days. Also like Sistar, even if the songs suck at least they look great in the videos, which is all I really care about or expect from this group who consistently refuse to do another “Piano Man“.
4TEN – Severely
Here’s what KARA’s “Pandora” would sound like if you removed about 60% of the production money.
Bloomy – Blooming Day
Someone saw me and Asian Junkie arguing about girls and decided to shut us up by debuting a girl who looks like a cross between Raina and Jisook. Fuck, what are we going to do now.
Astro – Hide & Seek
Well, at least it’s upbeat, so that’s something, I guess.
Koh Nayoung – Whom
Very basic-sounding mid-paced rocker much like similar material by Taylor Swift etc. Boy Korea sure loves their unnecessarily processed guitar sounds with every last trace of dynamics removed.
Teen Top – Don’t Drink
Here’s this week’s token awful Fender Rhodes-driven ballad.
Kixs – Please Come Back
Here’s this week’s other token awful Fender Rhodes-driven ballad, because there’s seemingly two of these coming out of Korea each and every week.
Jung Joon Young ft. Suh Young Eun – Sympathy
And just for a change here’s a ballad that doesn’t suck (completely), it only got left out of the show due to lack of time. Starts off as the usual poxy trash for idiots but evolves into a reasonable X Japan style lighter-waving torch rock song, which maybe more Korean ballad writers should think about trying.
Jinsil & Tablo – Dododo
Dull rap at trip-hop speed but without the sonic architecture that makes trip-hop interesting. Oh and stupid R&B vocals, because every slow Korean rap song has to have shit R&B vocals all over it.
Lee Young Hyun – Return
The usual Shitney-Houstonish garbage.
Apink – Brand New Days
Apart from a few superficial electronic whoops and bleeps, sounds exactly the same as every other Apink song ever.
Yoon Mirae – Because Of You
If Yoon Mirae is going to do soppy rubbish like this, bring back Truedy. Confucious says “one shitty ballad is worth a thousand blackfaces”.
Eddy Kim ft. Beenzino – Paldangdam
Korean TV didn’t want to broadcast this because of the (supposed) swearing, but I won’t broadcast it just because it sucks, which is a much better reason. Also, it sounds like Jamiroquai who is the worst musician in the world ever.
That’s it for another Kpopalypse roundup! More new songs next week!