It’s a little known fact that the Kpopalypse radio show already has its own drinking game, but what about people who don’t give a shit about radio and just want to watch some YouTubes and get fucking drunk? Well, this post is for you!
Although I write a Korean pop blog, I don’t actually care for most aspects of Korean culture, the only things that really interest me about Korea are the pop music, the food and the occasionally decent horror movie. In many ways it’s a very alien culture to my own, but one area where Korean and Australian culture definitely coincide is drinking habits. Australians love getting fucked up and so do Koreans, so it seems appropriate that this blog take steps to remedy the cross-cultural divide and encourage you to get shitfaced while watching Korean pop videos.
Before we get started, here’s an important public health warning from IU:
Excessive alcohol consumption could lead to negative side-effects, such as weight gain, lower sexual performance, shit driving, homelessness, Nell appreciation, death of yourself or others, or even worse – being an annoying cunt. This may include leaving stupid comments on the Internet that nobody wants to read, and/or giving inflated importance to some dumb k-pop controversy that nobody with a brain cares about.
Great, now the disclaimers are over, let’s talk about getting fucked up.
The first thing you’ll need are some friends to play the drinking game with. If you’re a person with outstanding social skills you’ll already have these, so you can skip to the next paragraph. For those without friends, try these exciting cool tips:
- Bathe occasionally
- Clean your teeth, you’re not a j-pop girl
- Get off your computer chair you disgusting tub of lard
- Get a cool hobby (i.e not anime, gaming or LARP)
- Sometimes go out and do social things
Presto – friends will soon be yours!
The next thing you’ll need is some alcoholic beverage. In this drinking game you’re going to be drinking a LOT so I would suggest nothing too strong. You’ll probably want to be all “I love Korea” and drink soju but your average soju drink is 20% alcohol which is enough to get you into the hospital quicksmart with a game like this one unless you have a cast-iron liver. Low alcohol-by-volume beverages are best, and don’t forget plenty of shotglasses!
The last consideration is k-pop videos. You’ll need lots of these, preferably in some kind of YouTube playlist that you can set-and-forget, because once you start drinking you’ll probably struggle to operate a computer effectively so the more hands-off you can be about the information technology side of things, the better for everybody. If you want Kpopalypse-related lists you can try this great collection here, but any k-pop playlist will do as there are several of them.
Once you’re set up with your friends, ample quantities of your beverage of choice plus a k-pop video playlist, it’s time to get started!
Watch k-pop videos. Drink shots as per the following:
CARS – there are very strict rules for car use in k-pop MVs, and thus also in this drinking game.
- Spotless pristine new/sports/vintage car is driven/rode in by the performers or danced in front of – 1 shot for each unique model sighted
- Completely destroyed burned-out husk of a car is shown – 1 shot per video
- Cars are turned from pristine into wrecks during the course of the video – 1 shot per incident
- Car is sighted that does not conform to the the rule of k-pop MV automotive technology which states that all cars in k-pop videos must be in pristine spotless condition, or completely destroyed beyond recognition – first person to sight can abstain, everyone else drinks 1 shot
CLASSY-SEXINESS – the kind of sexiness that k-pop fans appreciate the most.
- Classy-sexiness detected – 1 shot per video
- Classy-sexiness, and the perpetrator gets away with it – 1 extra shot at the end of the video
- Classy-sexiness, and the perpetrator gets away with it, and the perpetrator is female – 3 extra shots at the end of the video
COLOURS – in k-pop colours must always match, unless they don’t, in which case they never do.
- Extreme colour-matching outfits and backdrops – 1 shot per video
- Extreme colour-clashing outfits and backdrops – 1 shot per video
- Colour matching/clashing so extreme that you can barely even see the performers – 2 shots per video
EDITING – k-pop at its best is musically a style of extremes, and the video editing unfortunately reflects this.
- T-ara/Front Line Assembly style light-speed editing – 1 shot per video
- One continuous camera shot for the whole video (or the faked appearance of such, as in the style of “Rope“) – 1 shot when the video finishes
- Tastefully edited video with just the right amount of cuts and edits – just kidding, no k-pop videos like this exist
FAP – content that you can fap to.
- Gratuitous male abs/pecs/other man-meat reveal in a video – those with sexual orientations preferring men drink 1 shot, 1 extra shot for muscular flexing
- Gratuitous female cleavage/ass reveal in a video – those with sexual orientations preferring women drink 1 shot, 1 extra shot for visible jiggle or underboob
- Bisexuals must take 1 shot for all of the above
- Asexuals must drink until they are drunk enough to discern a sexual orientation, then proceed as per one of the above
MICROPHONES – consult here for knowledge of correct microphone use.
- Shure Super 55 vintage microphone used incorrectly – 1 shot per video
- Shure Super 55 vintage microphone used correctly – 3 shots per video
PRODUCT PLACEMENT – k-pop wouldn’t be where it is today without all those sponsors paying the bills.
- Idol uses an obviously product-placed mobile phone app, car, perfume, toilet roll holder, fleshlight etc – 1 shot per use
- Product placement within other product placement (i.e a mobile phone app is used but the phone’s logo is clearly visible during the process, therefore the product-placement is not just for the app but also the phone itself) – 1 extra shot
- Entire song is ABOUT the damn product – 3 shots
ROCK BAND ATTIRE – k-pop idols might not always know how to rock, but they know how to rock rock band attire.
- T-shirt or other shirt/top with western rock band logos – 1 shot
- Leather or denim jacket with western rock band logos – 2 shots
- Obscure-as-fuck surely-must-be-bootlegged cutesy attire with western rock band logos – 3 shots
- General consensus around the room is that there is no way in hell that the idol depicted listens to the band in question – 1 extra shot
SLOGANS – English slogans are often used in k-pop videos, because they look cool, and because they look cool. However they don’t always make sense, nor do they always make sense.
- Random nonsense English slogans appear on backgrounds for no obvious reason – 1 shot per unique item
- Random nonsense English slogans that look rude appear – 1 shot per unique item
- Random nonsense English slogans that are rude appear – 2 shots per unique item
VALUE FOR MONEY – a hard thing to come by in the world of k-pop.
- Dance routine in front of a white or simply-coloured plain backdrop (not a box) to save cash – 1 shot
- Outdoor video shot in that abandoned amusement park all the nugu groups use – 1 shot
- Indoor video shot in that run-down brick building with arched windows everyone uses – 1 shot
- Dance practice video masquerading as an actual official music video – 2 shots
- Live-on-TV video masquerading as an actual official music video – 3 shots
- Windows Movie Maker selca collection masquerading as an actual official music video – 4 shots
- Lyrics video masquerading as an actual official music video – 5 shots
- Fan-style (but official, not fan-made) compilation of footage from other videos masquerading as an actual official music video – 6 shots
Good luck! Last person to not pass out in a puddle of their own puke from alcohol poisoning wins! Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon, hopefully you’re smart enough not to indulge in stupid drinking games on some lame k-pop blogsite and therefore you can live long enough to read them!