It’s time to round up this week’s new k-pop releases… read on if you dare!
CL – Hello Bitches
EXID – Hot Pink
It’s “Up & Down 3.0″ with the generic pre-chorus EXID always use in every comeback now and also with the way they’ve worked in the rapping structurally, the rest is just some super-average funk thing. No wonder people are confusing it for a Bravesound throwaway song (more on that in an upcoming post).
Apink – Sunday Morning
Apink have had some alright songs lately but this Japanese-language excursion into acoustic ballad slop isn’t one of them. Totally hideous cheese aimed at the Japanese waifu fap market.
Bigflo – 1,2,3,4
Bigflo are also making a play for the Japanese market this week and their song’s actually a bit better than Apink’s. While the song is far from amazing I’m impressed with their chair-stacking skills, now we know whose responsibility it is to set up the gym for those T-ara/AOA jelly wrestling matches.
The Legend – Nail
57 million layers of soppy unlistenable vocal harmony completely ruin this, but then with a beat like that it probably wasn’t going to be that good to begin with so maybe it’s no great loss.
Purfles – Bad Girl
If you want to know why I don’t think much of the new EXID, listen to Purfles’ new song as this is k-pop funk done much better, complete with cool-as-fuck bass guitar breakdowns, something k-pop could do with more of. Pity only about three people inside Korea will probably ever hear this.
B.I.G – Taola
This is definitely B.I.G’s best song yet, mind you they’ve had some real stinkers up until this point but hey, I’ll take what I can get. “Let’s get fuck yeah”!
Dynamic Duo – Jam
Teddy isn’t the only one who can’t write a song when his penis is wet. Looks like Dynamic Duo’s new stuff is all soft, weak crap that De La Soul in their peak flower-waving softcock pussy debut period wouldn’t touch because it wouldn’t have gone hard enough for them. Sulli what have you done, you cao ni ma.
Neon Bunny – Romance In Seoul
This song goes nowhere and does nothing interesting, just like the hipsters who like Neon Bunny because it’s not “idol trash” or whatever. The production and sonics are honestly fantastic but it’s married to the most boring melody and harmony ever, and that Fender Rhodes doing incredibly cliched things over the top is the brown icing on the shit-cake.
EXY – Getting ‘Em
Wow, an acceptable beat, thanks for restoring my faith in Korean rap somewhat. Pity it’s way too short and stops just when it sounds like it’s about to get interesting, but I guess too much actual proper rap music in one hit might be too much for k-pop fans to take.
Huckleberry P. – Everest
It actually sounds like the drum machine is broken in the second verse, the groove there is awkward as hell. It comes together alright in the chorus though. Half a good song is better than none, I guess. Ugh.
Davichi – Moment
This is the song that CJE&M didn’t want released and MBK decided to release anyway. Not sure why the fuss, it sounds like any other Davichi track (i.e boring as fuck). Great performance from my mother in the video though.
San E, Mad Clown – Sour Grapes
I don’t really like this, it’s a bit smooth and nice for me but after the Dynamic Duo songs released this week, this actually sounds like solid fucking gold in comparison. Oh how my standards in rap music have dropped.
JJCC – Insomnia
Jackie Jackie Chan Chan continue to disappoint. When are these guys going to finally get to Rumble In The Bronx, Jackie?
Dynamic Duo – Dodoripyo
The supposedly harder of the two new Dyanamic Duo tracks is actually even worse, a roughly equal mix between soft smooth R&B bullshit and trap bullshit. I didn’t realise those two audiences even crossed over but I guess k-rap has been forcing the issue so hard that it’s finally happened. Everybody let’s shed a tear for hip-hop.
That’s it for another Kpopalypse roundup! Kpopalypse roundup will return next week!